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I am depressed without a clue how to cope.

(119 Posts)
MelodyBaker Fri 08-Feb-13 19:03:14

This might be long.
I was diagnosed with depression last august. I take 40mg citolapram a day. Seemed to be getting better. Was much happier than before.

My best friend died 6 months ago. She was fine. All happened overnight.
About Christmas time, I started to feel very depressed again. Was like this on and off.

Last night, it all became far far Too much. I feel like I can't cope. I'm angry at the world. I'm a single mum. She was my support network. If it wasn't for my dd and her children I would have given In and let this take over but thats not what I want, I want to be happy and not feel so depressed and fed up.

It all comes down to my best friends death. I was fine. She died and my world seemed to collapse around me.
I really have no idea why I'm writing this. I just need to get it all out .

Thank you for reading.

Nagoo Fri 08-Feb-13 19:10:49

Mel I think it would be unreasonable to expect yourself not to be deeply affected by this.

Do you have any family or any other grown ups you can talk to in RL about how you feel?

Apart from throwing meds at you have the Drs offered you any counselling?

It worries me that since this happened you have been in a position where you need to be strong for your DD, and for your godchildren, and you haven't been given opportunity to grieve.

MelodyBaker Fri 08-Feb-13 19:35:29

I do have people in rl I can talk too but the words depression or depressed and they blank you.
My amazing gp has told me to consider counselling and I dont know. I need help. I know that much.

I grieved when she died. Then I went into shock and Im grieving again now. I can't stay strong for long.

Kittycatcat Fri 08-Feb-13 19:38:12

Hugs. You have gone through a lot and have a lot to cope with. I had therapy and found it incredibly helpful. If your go can refer you it's definitely worth a try though I know its not for everyone.

YellowAndGreenAndRedAndBlue Fri 08-Feb-13 19:40:39

I think your GP is right to suggest counselling, it is very useful and can really help with grief.

The world is a hard place to understand and it is natural to be very deeply affected by a death of a loved person.

Is there a reason you haven't taken up the counselling offer so far?

I'm very sorry for your loss.

PearlyWhites Fri 08-Feb-13 19:40:46

Am so sorry you are feeling like this, whereabouts in the country do you live. Is their any local support groups or mumsnetters you could meet up with? I have suffered from depression and isolation in the past feel free to pm me if you want to chat xx

frustratedworkingmum Fri 08-Feb-13 19:46:19

I am so sorry for your loss, you have lost your best friend who sounds like she was very close to you so you are greiving. I think you owould benefit greatly from bereavement counselling to help you come to terms with your loss. Would it help to tell us a bit about your friend?

MelodyBaker Fri 08-Feb-13 20:00:51

I haven't taken it up because I don't want people asking me questionsn. I was in a abusive relationship and don't want to talk about.it.

Manchester pearly there is a group near me that I will look into.

My friend, she was wonderful! Happy, a joy to be around. Could light up a room when she smiled. Just understood me really. Not many people do.

frustratedworkingmum Fri 08-Feb-13 20:09:53

If you are going to counselling to get your head round what happened to your friend then you will not need to talk about the abuse unless you want to. I have had counselling and they don't tend to ask very much, they tend to let you talk more, if that makes any sense. See if there is a CRUISE bereavement counselling service near you if you are interested in discussing things.

Your friend sounds like a soul mate - you must miss her terribly, can you think what she would say to you now if you were feeling crap, what you might have done together to shift the grey clouds?

MelodyBaker Fri 08-Feb-13 20:18:51

I think, she would tell me that tomorrow is a new day. And probably take me down the pub!

Has your GP mentioned counseling in relation to the issues you had before your friends death? I would think you could ask for grief counselling and not have to discuss your abusive relationship.

Would you consider cbt if that were an option? It might give you some coping strategies. Again, you could ask that this be just in relation to your grief.

My concern is that you're already taking a high dose of citalopram (I'm on that dose myself and been told it can't be increased) but you're still having what sounds like quite severe depression symptoms. Could you consider a change of medication or do you think some therapy would be more helpful?

Would you find it helpful to talk about your friend, or would that make you feel worse?

It sounds like you need some time and to give yourself permission to grieve for your friend without the pressure of being strong for everyone else.

I am sorry for your loss x

If you're not ready for counseling yet, what about a book on dealing with grief? There are a lot out there but maybe you could get a recommendation?

Or start by writing it all out. Then if you feel you can't talk to a counsellor, you can show them what you've written?

YellowAndGreenAndRedAndBlue Fri 08-Feb-13 20:33:42

You will only talk about what you want to talk about. A counsellor should not push you and you are free to leave the room any time.

I'm so sorry you feel this way, it is very hard. Depression is very hard.

frustratedworkingmum Fri 08-Feb-13 20:34:08

Off to the pub with you then! grin Do something with the kids that you would have shared with your friend? or would that be too painful just now?

Mel bit random but how's your sleep at the moment?

MelodyBaker Fri 08-Feb-13 20:51:26

I am going to phone on Monday about counselling. It has been suggested that I get counselling for both issues which may not be a bad thing.
I find writing really thereputic. This threads making it seem so much easier to handle. Like something can be done.

I think I might take all 3 to see a film this week and a meal. We did that sometimes.
weds I sleep like a log. Go to bed, sleep through never wake until about 6.

MelodyBaker Fri 08-Feb-13 20:52:40

I want to talk. No more meds after these.

That's good Mel - at least you don't have sleep deprivation too.

MelodyBaker Fri 08-Feb-13 21:13:06

If I was sleep deprived I wouldn't know what too do!

MyNameIsLola Fri 08-Feb-13 21:21:35

You've been through an incredibly hard time, Mel, anyone would find it difficult to cope.

I think counselling is a very g

MyNameIsLola Fri 08-Feb-13 21:23:50

Sorry, didn't mean to hit post blush

Counselling is a good idea, I know it helped my friend massively when she lost her Mum very suddenly. You don't have to go into your past relationship if you don't want to, but you may find that it helps you to discuss it.

Take care of yourself, make sure your GP looks after you too. Lots of hugs.

emess Fri 08-Feb-13 21:31:02

Grief moves at its own pace, you can't hurry "getting over it". Seek help, and accept any help offered, whether with the small things or big things. If writing helps, then do it. But also find someone to talk to - CRUSE has already been suggested, also your GP may know of other local groups. Take care, this is not an easy time for you.

MelodyBaker Fri 08-Feb-13 21:36:22

Griefs a funny thing. I thought I was over the worst part the feeling like your unable to believe It and wanting the world tk stop.
I feel like that again. Counselling and change ads.
One thing I do know is I want to forget my relationship. Blank it. Dds the best thing from that.

MelodyBaker Fri 08-Feb-13 21:46:19

Anyone know how long I might be waiting for counselling?

frustratedworkingmum Fri 08-Feb-13 21:53:05

There can be a bit of a wait on the NHS, i waited about 10 weeks for mine. It might be different for cruise, first step is appointment with GP and INSIST on counselling. As someone said there are several types of it, cbt is good if you don't want to rake over the past but want to deal with how you are coping now.

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