I need your help to help me help my friend.

[PrettyDamnUseless]

Sorry a lot of "helps" there. I've name changed to protect the innocent - I'm a not-quite-newbie, been lurking on MH recently and what a lovely bunch you are.

I'm out of my depth. My friend is frail, ill, been in hospital since last summer, (4th time) had more than usual ECT, anxious, suffering - it's the wrong place for her but there's nowhere else.

I don't know her that well, or didn't til I started visiting. All I knew before was that she was that very talented person who I enjoyed working with and who "got ill" now and then, she's lovely.

Her home town* is a 4-hour journey away. A close family member is dying. Another one died recently and being forced to return set her back so much - now she's being pressured again.

If I could drop everything - but I can't (kids, etc). The staff, advocates, nobody seems to have any time for her.

I could go on (and on and on)

Don't know what I'm asking for - I've asked what can I do, what does she need...sometimes I make her laugh - but mostly I feel like my new nickname!

She's still in hospital, yes?

Why not write to her? It is nice to get a card, even better a letter, the thing is the recipient can read and re-read it, and it's tangible evidence that someone cares. Just ramble on about ordinary life, would be my suggestion.

Not sure about a couple of things here.
Is she in a hospital local to you?
Or is she in a hospital 4 hours away
If she is 4 hrs away (her family hometown) then do they visit?

If she is in a hospital near you are you her only visitor.
Its good that you visit but be mindful not to become her rescuer.
4 admissions within a year is a lot so it would seem that she has enduring mental health problems. If she has no family around her someone should be speaking to the MHT re her having a careplan with a care coordinator who would visit and monitor her MH on a regular basis. This could be from Once a week up to every day of the week depending of the severity of her condition.This is their job and their responsibility. The advocates should be listening to you , if you think they are not then speak to PALS and ask what the next step is to getting the help she is legally entitled to.
Of course you can only do this if she is admitted locally to you, and if her family are not involved in her care.
It seems to me you are being a very kind and loyal and caring friend. keep visiting, keep making her smile , thats always good .
But seriously what you must not do is become her rescuer. You and your own family needs must always come first She needs you as a friend and from what you have said in your op that is what you are doing and doing well.

what do you perceive to be the problem here? Is it that she has no social support or that the ward staff have no time for her?

I agree with fit2 that just being there is what you can do. On a practical level, if she has no family around she may need laundry doing? Or other practical stuff like wee bits of shopping for toiletries or whatever.

MIND are a great resource for advice.

But fit2 is also right in saying you cant rescue her. She has professionals around her who are responsible for her wellbeing.

oh forgot to highlight PALS (Patient Advice and Liaison Services)

www.pals.nhs.uk/

Thanks for replying. I wasn't clear in op, my friend is local to me. She's been in hospital about 4 times over 6 years and she's there now. I don't know much detail but I think her parents are the cause of a lot of her problems. They also don't think she's ill and needs to be at home helping with the one who's dying.

She's only just started picking herself up after the last visit and now she's being summoned again. She's not on a section any more (therefore no longer entitled to an advocate ) so doctors can advise against her going home but can't stop her.

She has one other close friend who I'm going to try and get in touch with. I don't think there's much of a careplan. I'll try PALS. Thank you.

Yes I do want to rescue her (and she wants to be rescued!) but you're right, Roobey and fit...that can't be my role. It is affecting my work, family, etc and I can't see her as much as she'd like. The last time I saw her she was sobbing uncontrollably and that can go on for hours. There's a lot of women on the ward who kick off and I think she fades into the background when the staff have so much else to deal with.

She can't have an IMH Advocate as she's not on a section, but there should be 'ordinary' mh advocates she can access.

your local mind may be able to advise, or at least talk it through with you.

good luck.

PALS will help you.
If she was sectioned (and dependant on WHICH section order) when she went in she will be given a homecare treatment plan when she is discharged. This may be for a week or indefinate, depending again on the problem and treatment advised by consultant.

Section 117 requires the provision of aftercare for patients who have been detained on the longer term Sections.

The Care Programme Approach (CPA) is not part of the act but stipulates that no patient should be discharged without planned aftercare the systematic assessment of health and social needs, an agreed care plan, the allocation of a care coordinator and regular reviews of progress.

This may help http://www.heron.nhs.uk/specialist_directory/mhd/cpa.htm Here

still can't do links ... sorry

this is it

www.heron.nhs.uk/specialist_directory/mhd/cpa.htm

PDU - so sorry for your friend. I have had 2 admissions to a psychiatric ward - one 15 years ago and one last Easter (was in 3 months each time) with severe depression. First one caused by the death of my closest friend, not sure about last one, and am not fully recovered - my condition fluctuates.

I was despondent to see that in the 15 years since my first admission, nothing had changed with the nursing "care" on psychiatric wards (same hospital) the staff nurses seem to stay in the office as much as possible and give out the drugs, but not much else in my experience. You have a key nurse - the first one was excellent and always came to talk to me when she was on duty but the last one not so good. There are nursing assistants (untrained) and most of them are largely disinterested in the patients and are only interested in talking to you when you feel ok and can chat with them in the normal way. I too have spent a long time crying but would just go to my room. One morning I sat outside all morning with my head in my hands crying for hours and no one came to offer any comfort or support.

I was lucky to have a DP to visit every day and some good women friends. I think the nurses just see the same thing year after year and become somehow immune to the suffering of others and I can understand that to be honest. I was a social worker for 30 years (before retiring 7 years ago) and we became immune to removing children etc - the abnormal becomes normal if you see what I mean. So I'm afraid that lack of support on a psych ward is par for the course, at least in my experience. I was even told by a nursing asst to "pull myself together" - couldn't believe it.

I think the best advice to your friend is not to succumb to pressures from her family - I can't believe how insensitive they are - expecting her to support them when she is in a bad state of mental health. No doubt they are the cause of her problems.

Posters are right saying that anyone discharged from a psych ward has to have a care co-ordinator (I had a wonderful CPN - community psychiatric nurse) who visited me at home and was very helpful and supportive, but it doesn't sound like your friend has ever been discharged (rather than popping home to try to support others) is that right?

Posters are right that you can't rescue your friend, much as you want to and she needs rescuing, but you can be a good friend and I agree with others send cards, and visit when you can (regular shorter visits) may be best and flowers if you can afford it. Does she read, it's difficult to concentrate when you feel so ill, but maybe magazines.

Take care of yourself and try not to be overwhelmed by your friend's ill health - there is only so much you can do.

What lovely and useful replies - thank you all for taking the time.

When my friend goes home, it's seen as a visit (3-7 days), not a discharge - so there's no support for her while she's away. Last time when away, she rang the ward for support and they were too busy to listen. She was being watched - she couldn't ring again.

I'm certain she'll bow down to pressure soon - I think what I need to do is work with staff to find support for her when she gets to her home town. I'm scared her family will keep her there against her will. It'll kill her.

You've all helped me think more clearly about this and I'm feeling less useless and more able to offer the right kind of help. Cheers x