DD doing more than DS2 - am I being unfair?

[sunnydelight]

With three kids I have a general rule of thumb of 2 activities per child for both practical and financial reasons. DS1 is now 16 and has had his share of activities in the past, I now pay his gym membership and he mainly plays sport at school so he's kind of out of the equation.

DS2 is very dyslexic and finds school a struggle. He has in the past done beavers and swimming lessons but he wanted to stop beavers when his friend stopped going and he's now got to the point with swimming that the only place to go is squads which he doesn't want to do. Tbh if he has any activity on a school night it doesn't really work so he now does an art class on a Saturday morning which he loves. Apart from that though he sings in the school choir and I always let him choose whichever sport he wants at school, even if it involves extra cost. This term he's doing water polo, last term he played tennis. He doesn't ask to do anything else.

DD however is a different kettle of fish. She is 7, has lots of energy and wants to try everything. Previously she has done dance and choir (out of school), but this term she has also picked up swimming and guides. Unlike DS2 she can manage after school activities AND homework. I have lingering guilt though that she is "getting more" than her brother (who is 11 btw). Am I just being silly? What do other people do?

[mummytime]

My 11 yr old does Choir (2 days a week, soon 3), Guides, youth group, and horse riding. My 13 yr old does D of E, keyboard lesson and thats it. My 6 yr old does Drama (giving up) a saturday club, school choir, Spanish, and Guitar.
Some of these just involve staying at school later. Some don't cost.
They are all different. I think my 11 yr old will have to cut back at senior school. I'd like my oldest to do more, but he's not really interested.
I go with what they want to do, if we can afford it, and if its possible for transport.

[DecorHate]

I wouldn't worry too much - I also have 3 and find the number of activities peaks at a certain age when they want to try lots of things and then it tails off again.... If your ds2 wanted to start something else you would let him, right? So no need to feel guilty....

[RatherBeOnThePiste]

We have always had this worry. DD now 13 has Always wanted to do everything and we feel like we are reining her in but with DS we have to encourage him to try things.They are different people like yours and if DS wanted to try something new I would ensure he could. I am sure you would do the same.

[Cthulhu]

Sounds like you are doing your best by all your children, taking into account their different ages, stages and personalities. All will be fine, I'm sure.

[ZZZenAgain]

If he loves the Saturday art class, could he do more of that or something similar if you feel it is really unbalanced?

[ZZZenAgain]

with unbalanced I meant that he does a lot less than his sister. Sorry weird way of expressing it!

[frakkinnuts]

I think in this situation I'd just let him know he can try what he wants and if push came to shove and activities clashed one of DD's would have to give so he could do something he wanted.

I think a limit on activities is sensible and if your DD wanted to pick up any more I'd probably say she had to drop something, unless it was very complementary. I would also give your DS2 priority if he wanted to do a week course that clashed with Brownie camp and you couldn't afford the 2/couldn't deal with the logistics for both.

I always did more than my brother and sister as a child and I don't think they ever resented it/have been disadvantaged (although my brother is still 17 and therefore glued to his computer so it's difficult to tell!). I think there's a balance to be found but it's different for each child and if your DS2 doesn't really want to do things but your DD does there's no need to put an arbitrary cap on what DD does just because DS2 isn't doing as much. There is a reason to cut down her activities if you think she's being adversely affected by doing too much but that's totally different.

[sunnydelight]

Thanks for all the replies, it's always helpful to hear what others do. Not a biggie in the grand scheme of things but the combination of maternal and Catholic guilt can be a killer

[lljkk]

lol,

DS1 is happy doing NOTHING. Thankfully he hasn't thought about the fortune I spend on his sister.

DD does everything I let her: currently, 2 activities at school/week, + 3 after school, and 2-4 on weekends.

DS2 wants to try everything DD does, but actually he doesn't enjoy the same things! I am gently persuading him to just go to the stuff he likes, not continue trying desperately to keep up with his sis.