are you ready to laugh at the craziness yet?

(40 Posts)
whydidhesaythat Mon 27-Jun-16 20:46:49

I thought I was too upset but this on facebook by someone called Pete Irving has cheered me right up. Anything else funny please send it this way.

"How did you vote?", asked Pooh
"Leave", said Piglet
"Oh, for fuck's sake", said Pooh, "Why the fuck did you do that?"

"Because if we leave, then we'll fix the NHS"
"We're not going to fix the NHS, Piglet, that was all bollocks. All the people who told you to vote Leave are the very same people who want to privatise the fucking thing"
"Oh. But anyway there's also those bloody Heffalumps"
"Heffalumps?"
"Yes, the bloody Heffalumps who keep coming to live in the wood, there are too many"
"But they do things for us, Piglet, and voting Leave won't actually stop them coming anyway"
"Oh. But I just want to get back control of the wood"
"You fucktard. You never had control of the wood, you're a fucking piglet. You're just going to get even more fucked over by different people"
"Oh. But why did you want to Remain?", asked Piglet
"I liked that everyone worked together, I felt safe"
"Is that all? You're probably still safe"
"I also fancied going to live in a different wood one day, and maybe if I had kids they would too, but now maybe we can't."
"Oh. But we'll have more honey to go around now...?"
"I'm afraid not, Piglet. We won't have to give away any honey, but there'll almost certainly be less to begin with"
"Oh. Well at least we've got rid of the pig-fucker, I didn't like him"
"I can understand that, Piglet, but have you seen the next guy!? I have a feeling he'll be doing more than just oral"
"Oh my. But they were going to build a huge scary super-wood"
"They never actually said that, and even if there were going to be a huge super-wood, would you rather be part of it, playing with all your new friends, or just outside it with nobody paying you any attention?"
"Oh, I see what you mean. But ours used to be the most important wood of all the woods"
"That's true, Piglet, but that was well over a hundred fucking years ago now, and none of us were alive. You really need to get your head out of your arse"
"But our grandparents won the big war to protect our wood, we need to make sure we keep it safe"
"Actually, that's a load of horse-shit. We won the big war to protect other people in other woods and to stop nationalist fuckers killing people because they were different. It showed that we're safer if we all work together and stop thinking of each other as different"
"But the Heffalumps, I don't like them, they're not like us"
"Fuck my luck. Piglet, you're a fucking Piglet and I'm a stuffed Bear. We're all different, that's what makes the wood a fun place to live. You like Kanga don't you? She's different"
"But Kanga's been here for ages and I like her food"
"Christ on a bike, Piglet, you are a fucking cockwomble"
"Beer?" asked Piglet
"You're buying" said Pooh, "and I want pork scratchings"
"Oh my"

Arcadia Mon 27-Jun-16 20:48:56

Funnily enough I have been able to laugh a bit today. This one is also good

Patterkiller Mon 27-Jun-16 20:53:03

grin

Arcadia Mon 27-Jun-16 20:54:06

Good one on facebook that went viral:

*Right. Fuck this. We're ALL up shit creek and we need a paddle. Now, not in three months.

Fellow Remain voters: Enough already. Yes, we're all pissed off but navel gazing ain't gonna help. Not all 17 million Leave voters can possibly be racist northern pensioners without an O level to their name. Maybe they have a point about this quitting the EU thing? Maybe not. Whatever, we are where we are and no amount a whinging is gonna change that. Allegedly we're the intelligent ones, so get your thinking caps on.

Leave voters. Well done. Good game. We hear you. Now you need to get stuck in to the aftermath and not just piss off back to Wetherspoons. (Just banter, twats!). And the first person to say they "want their country back" gets deported to fucking Gibraltar. OK?

Politicians.

David. Fuck off. Shut the door behind you. Now.

George. You may be a twat but you're our twat. Plus you know the passwords for our Junior Savers account. Get your calculator. Drop the face-like-a-slapped-ass routine. You're on.

Boris. Sorry mate. That photo of you abseiling by your scrotum over the London Olympics while waving a Union Jack can't ever be un-taken. Plus, you'll never be able to appear on Question Time again without some sturdy Glaswegian nurse asking where the fuck her 350 million quid is. Not only will she have a very good point, she'll be wearing a T shirt that shows you gurning in front of that fucking bus! No captains hat for you I'm afraid.

Theresa. You're in charge love. Get the biggest shoulder pads you've got. We need Ming The Merciless in drag and you'll scare the shit out of 'em.

Nicola. Yep. Fair cop. You probably could get us on a technicality, as could London. But we fucking love shortbread. And oil. And to be honest you're probably the best politician we've got, so we need you on side. Sort your lot out and we promise never to mention that Jimmy Krankie thing again (although it is pretty uncanny) and we'll make you a Dame once we're sorted. Bring Ruth Davidson. She kicks ass.

Opposition party. We'll need one. Someone take Jeremy and John back to the British Legion Club where you found them. Take Nigel as well. Give back their sandals, buy them a pint, then go to Heathrow and collect David Milliband. Fuck it. Lets gets Ed Balls as well. He keeps George on his toes. I think he works on the lottery kiosk at Morrisons now?

Oh. And Mark Carney. Give him a knighthood and tell him to keep that shit coming. We definitely need more of that good shit!

Everyone set? Right. Hold the Easyjet. We're going to Brussels and this ain't no hen party.

#weneedaplan Share!*

WhenSheWasBadSheWasHorrid Mon 27-Jun-16 21:14:35

grin
although now I can't get drunk as I will probably send it to people on Facebook.

freetrampolineforall Mon 27-Jun-16 21:15:09

Utterly shameless place marking grinconfusedhmm

Arcadia Mon 27-Jun-16 21:22:33

wink

MissMarpleCat Mon 27-Jun-16 21:25:13

'For once the Americans aren't the dumbest people on the planet' shock

buffalogrumble Mon 27-Jun-16 21:27:04

Arcadia grin

Sootica Mon 27-Jun-16 21:30:34

Arcadia that plan is a good one!

Whydidhesaythat "I have a feeling he'll be doing more than just oral" 😂😂😂

PenguinsAreAce Mon 27-Jun-16 21:35:23

No. Sorry. Still feel like crying. sad sad

Arcadia's one is good... If only.

noblegiraffe Mon 27-Jun-16 21:49:50

Charlie Brooker tweeted 'it's great to be a proud citizen of the world's leading cautionary tale'

Ilovewillow Mon 27-Jun-16 21:51:27

Still disappointed and sad but you've got to laugh at these!

ZenNudist Mon 27-Jun-16 21:56:55

I love that Patrick Meehan one. Lol at May = Ming

Room101isWhereIUsedToLive Mon 27-Jun-16 22:00:47

I can't link it here because of it being on the YouTube app but john Oliver's video on breixt is suitably funny.

expatinscotland Mon 27-Jun-16 22:04:41

Pound has tanked. Market is not looking good. Credit rating downgraded. I'm afraid I don't find anything to laugh about here.

Arcadia Mon 27-Jun-16 22:04:41

I'm running out now! ...

whydidhesaythat Mon 27-Jun-16 22:09:42

Hey guess what?
The status of Iceland's application to join the EU is " frozen". Tee hee smile

en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/Accession_of_Iceland_to_the_European_Union

WhenSheWasBadSheWasHorrid Mon 27-Jun-16 22:13:35

It's still hard to laugh

whydidhesaythat Mon 27-Jun-16 22:27:05

I tell you what,. I'll make up a limerick and publish it by the time the petition gets to 4m

SenecaFalls Tue 28-Jun-16 00:12:25

'For once the Americans aren't the dumbest people on the planet'

We have an expression here in the US that originated in a famous comic strip: "We have met the enemy and he is us." I think perhaps folks in the UK might want to borrow it for a while.

Room101

Did you mean this vid: m.youtube.com/watch?v=-Ikd7A2VuHs

whydidhesaythat Tue 28-Jun-16 09:51:38

Awesome

iPost Tue 28-Jun-16 09:55:21

Arcadia

grin

whydidhesaythat Tue 28-Jun-16 10:17:47

For those of you not ready to laugh again, this not funny, but it is beautiful, prescient, apropos and from 1936.

www.youtube.com/watch?v=YtZrXzoaJvc&list=RDYtZrXzoaJvc#t=348

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