Be totally honest - would you even consider doing this ?

[ThinkingtheUnthinkable]

Remember, if it were your child........

DD has a slight medical problem which is uncomfortable all the time and occasionally flares up painfully badly (although nothing visible to the naked eye) and will continue to do so until surgery is necessary which is ever closer as problem is worsening. It's also something visible to her peers when she is naked but this has only been a problem at primary school since a residential trip when a room mate spotted it and tactlessly informed others.

After much to'ing and fro'ing the GP and hospital agreed that as she will be starting secondary school this year where the horror of communal showers will be required after P.E. that the next time if flares up she will be listed for the small operation which is inevitable anyway.

By my calculations we are due for a painful episode any day now (they occur regularly and we were asked to keep a log a couple of years ago).

Summer is looming and at this rate she'll either be in hospital having the op/recovering when we are booked to be in France on holiday. I've checked the insurance and we're only covered for one parent staying at home with her so it'll be a bit crap for all of us if it happens in Aug or, in July she has loads of stuff on to do with the new school she's starting and I really don't want her confidence knocking any further if she has to miss all of the induction sessions (there's simply masses of it) and start in September not up to speed at a fast paced school.

I know she wants the op done now, right now, )and she has mentioned pain to see how I've reacted but I know from previous experience it's not that bad yet) so that she is no longer disadvantaged and enjoys her summer of all sorts of lovely things planned before the challenge of secondary school.

She cried whilst chatting with Dh the other night at bedtime. He came downstairs and was very glum, Later he said "how bad would we be if we went along with it and encouraged her to claim worse pain than she is in, to speed up the admission date ?" He can't bear to see her suffer the periodic crises in confidence which have been frequent since the residential trip.

O.K. Folks how bad would we be if we allowed this to happen ?

[lunar1]

If the op has to happen anyway I probably would tbh. Obv I'm not in a position to know the details and risks.

[YoureBeingASillyBilly]

Personally- if the Op is going to happen anyway in inly a matter of weeks i would tell a white lie and say it's worse than it is. She isnt trying to get anything she's not going to get anyway, but just at better timing for her.

[Andcake]

I think it would be ok - a white lie not a bad cause anyone harm lie. It's the same as me lying to epu to get a reassurance scan (saying i'd had a little bit of pain) as I was so anxious after a number of miscarriages. Some times a little lie for mental anguish is fine - but also i think you would have to explain it to dd so she didn't think lying was ok.

[AryaOfHouseSnark]

Do you have to lie ? Can't you just say it's starting to flare up again and dd says she is in pain. Which is the truth.

[LittleMisslikestobebythesea]

Would they do it on the basis it is causing her psychological upset do you think?

[HauntedNoddyCar]

If it were because of the holiday I might think twice. But if she's being singled out at school then I would be blagging her into the or shamelessly

[TheTerribleBaroness]

I'd do it.

[OneStepCloser]

I'd do it, it's your daughter, emotionally it is distressing her. I'd be at that hospital in a heartbeat.

Hope it goes well for her.

[Thumbcat]

I'd do it because it's causing her distress. It seems a bit silly for her to have to endure another painful episode before she's listed.

[Wellwellwell3holesintheground]

I'd do it. And in fact we did for DH when he was waiting for surgery - a physio friend told him what to say to ensure he was immediately admitted. He had the surgery within 24 hours.

[MrsDiesel]

Yep I would do it. As a prev poster said, that is without knowing the risks etc.

Hope it all turns out well.

[ophiotaurus]

I would as well.

[Imnotaslimjim]

I'd do it too, hope it goes well

[Gingerandcocoa]

I'm going to go against the crowd here, and say that you should not do it. I understand you wanting what's best for her, but encouraging her to lie to get something is not the way to do it. You're teaching her that it's ok to be dishonest to get her way - it doesn't matter how valid you think the reason is.

You're probably thinking "it won't harm anyone", but you don't know that, do you? There might be people who have been waiting for a similar op for a while, who might be in more pain than your daughter, and you're going to "jump queue" while they need to wait.

Perhaps you could speak to the doctor, explain the situation, and maybe they will speed things up, without having to 1) teach your DD it's ok to be dishonest to get your way, and 2) disadvantage other people.

[sunbathe]

If it's got to be done, I don't understand why they're waiting anyway?

Is there a downside to having it done before a big flare-up?

[rowna]

I would too.

[OwlCapone]

Does it actually need to flare up in order for the OP to be done?
If it is causing her distress, I don't understand why it needs to wait.

[OnaPromise]

Yes is the short answer to that.

[Onesleeptillwembley]

Honestly? I'd do it probably without a second thought. Let her have a pain free happy summer before secondary school. Good luck.

[KatieKaye]

I'd do it for lots of reasons: she's regularly in pain; it needs to be done; she's going to secondary and will be self-conscious and also the holiday.
It sounds as if a holiday will be good for her, what with the regular pain and you don't want it to interfere with settling in at school.
the sooner the better, imo.

Hope you get a date soon and best wishes for everything going well.

[wtffgs]

Do it!

She is already distressed and does not need this hanging over her when she is facing the move to Y7. I would've thought post-SATS would be the best time tbh.

[Wellwellwell3holesintheground]

Sorry if my post sounds flippant btw. DH had a creeping paralysis that meant without surgery immediately he could have been permanently disabled. As it was, it took so long to get the surgery he was left partially disabled and in lots of pain.

[JellyBeansHaveNoAgeLimit]

i don't think you need to tell your DD that you are lying to get it quicker, from her POV she is in pain and obviously emotionally suffering so doubt she would see it as being dishonest. I would do it if it were me.

[ThinkingtheUnthinkable]

Food for thought.

I'm surprised so many would do it so thanks for being so honest, I feel a lot less wicked for entertaining the thought.

wellwellwell sorry to hear that your husband was let down so badly by the NHS.