I want to leave my job as my boss is a bit of a bully... how do I go about references?

[MeMySonAndI]

That's the question, I have been doing my job properly for 3 years but someway, my new boss, doesn't seem to agree despite not paying any attention whatsoever to what I do for most of the year she has been around.

The situation has become very uncomfortable, and I really think I had enough. Want to get another job, there are some vacancies around which I think I won't have dfficulty in getting an interview for them... however... considering how nasty the boss has been lately, I don't know how to go about getting a reference letter.

I know they wouldn't like to let me go (it will take a year to take my post through vacancy control in order to advertise it). I have asked for a reference in the past just to be told by my boss that I'm not good enough for the job I wanted to apply (WTF???), the other manager in the office will only provide one if the former approves. So... I feel trapped.

Any suggestions? to complicate matters further, my previous bosses have left the city or even the country!

[thirtypence]

Oh that is awkward. I left my previous job and work just provided a certificate of employment and a letter saying that they don't provide references.

What about the job before this one?

I don't think it matters if your previous bosses are not in the country. I moved countries and they did references by email.

[MeMySonAndI]

problem is... my previous boss has career changed and is currently working in a different area somewhere in Switzerland (besides.. that was almost 8 years ago!)

The ones previous to him may have problems reminding who I am... (too much time have passed since)

[nooka]

If your company is big enough for a vacancy control system then it must be big enough to have an HR dept? I would ask their advice. I have cautioned members of my team when they have told me about jobs they wanted to apply for that were obviously out of their league (didn't have the right qualifications or experience for example), but then used it as an opportunity to encourage personal development. Otherwise you can have someone feel incredibly stuck, but not doing anything to address that (like taking courses or doing extension projects for example). I did have one person who persistently applied for things completely out of her league and got very stroppy about it, but there was something a bit odd going on there. I'm not sure as an individual you are allowed simply to refuse to give a reference, although you can do the just dates thing (not very helpful for the recruiting company though).

The other thing you can do is to ask recruiting companies only to contact your boss if you have been successful at interview. That way it's just the one reference to ask for.

I'm not quite sure how you can have a boss new for the last year, but your previous boss left eight years ago? What happened to last year's boss?

[flowerybeanbag]

The first thing you do is contact your HR department and ask them what the company's policy is with regard to supplying references to potential employers. It may be that they have a policy of only giving basic factual information through the HR department anyway.

If not, explain your concerns and ask permission to give HR as a reference rather than your manager. You can tell a prospective employer that references are done this way at your existing employer.

Secondly, apply for jobs you like, get interviews, get offered the job and then give details of your referee. Offers of employment are usually made subject to references so unless and until you have a job offer, it's not something you need to be overly concerned about.

[MeMySonAndI]

Madam, I think I may dare to skip her and ask for the reference to the people above her, they know more about my work than she does... good idea.

Nooka, I left my career to support that of DH about 8 years ago (travelling a lot at the time) and took this little job as a side one when I was planning to go back to uni and wanted to have a bit of adult conversation while working in the sometimes very lonely area of humanities research. When she tried me to discourage me from applying to the other one, she told me that a very good friend of her was applying, this friend had only had a brief course on management completed, while I had 7 years experience in management and 3 degrees. I'm just trying to go back to what I was doing before slowing down to take care of DS.

Flowerybean, I will contact HR about this, to be honest, it is impossible to have a conversation with new boss without her taking everything very personal so it would be wise not to mention anything directly to her.

[mel3]

Hi, I am in a similar position to you right now, but I am employed by a charity, so there are various committee members that I can ask for a reference from . I am only thinking that, if you pass the interview for a new job, won't it be the potential employers that ask your boss for a reference? It shouldn't be for you to ask.
My boss is a complete bully, and I have resolved to be stronger next week, and TRY to let it go over my head......

[MeMySonAndI]

I do really hope they don't ask her, before lst week she didn't even had a clue what I was doing so, she has been "shadowing me" for a week, she even sits behind me while I go through my emails, has been checking my desk drawers, and as soon as I finish something she asks what I'm going to do next. I feel uncomfortable even to take a couple of minutes to pop out to the toilet.

This week, with all her shadowing and strict ideas on not doing absolutely anything until you finish the first task has resulted in me doing only half of my work, even when I hardly have a minute free. I suppose that now she has a clearer idea of what I do with my time, but also I do of hers... I can't begin to imagine what work is she doing if she can afford to waste her time following me around for a week. The only time I didn't have her behind me she was looking for shoes in the internet... sigh*

[mel3]

Poor you, what a horible situation. And what an insecure bully she is. Can you think of anyone at work that you can talk to at work about her behaviour? I am often on my own with mine, but various people have noticed what she is like with me. I know that her problem with me is that I am much higher qualified than her, but for me it is my first job in 8 years since having children and is the first step back on the career ladder, to ease me back in. For her, the job is her life, but she doesn't like it that I don't jion in with her whinging and moaning.
I really hope that things get better for you. If they get unbearable, maybe you could put in a formal complaint - going through your drawers is totally out of order. Good luck X

[MeMySonAndI]

I think I can forgive the shadowing, the lack of leadership, her lack of experience and the strops she has when someone disagrees with her. But I don't think I will ever forgive her going through my drawers, I'm even taking my personal diary with me when I go away of my desk because I can't trust her even to respect that (I have seen her going through other staff's personal stuff, even when it was pointed out that those diaries had nothing to do to work... whatever next? my wallet?