problem with manager

[readyfornum2]

Have also posted this in aibu

I work in a restaurant and get on really well with the assistant manager,I worked 5pm till midnight last night and then after our shift a few of the staff and the assistant manager sat talking and having a laugh til the early hours.

I was supposed to start at 12pm today but the assistant manager was opening up and wasnt feeling well so I offered to go in early and help her set up (unpaid due to budget issues)
When I got to work this morning she was really ill and shouldnt have been there but had no one to cover her shift so I made her go and sit in the office and I set up all on my own and helped organise the other staff so that she wasnt needed on the floor. It was a tough shift but we got through it.
The general manager came in just after 4pm and just started moaning about everything, I was supposed to finish at 5pm so when the girl came in who was taking over from me I asked the manager if I could hand over my tables and she said that she wanted the restaurant completely sorted before I went which was fine so I started getting stuff done and was waiting for some cutlery to be washed so I could polish it when a customer approached me and asked me about having our mascot out on the floor for the kids so I said I would speak to the manager and see what I could do. I went up to her and before I even opened my mouth she started laying into me about getting the cutlery done before I went and to stop pestering her! I explained that I was only there to ask about the mascot, she sent someone to get changed into the costume and walked off.
I ended up in the toilets crying my eyes out because I was so upset with the way she was treating me- I didnt mind helping set the restaurant up but to shout at me without hearing what I said really upset me!

So I got the cutlery polished and she came up and asked why I had tears in my eyes and I said i was upset so she told me to go and sort my cash out. I went to the office and as nice as pie she asked if I had my cash out sheet I said no and she went and fetched it.
She asked why I was upset and I burst into tears and before I had a chance to explain she started laying into me again!
There is a supervisor post coming up which I had applied for and she mentioned that in a way that said "well your not getting that now" so i cashed up and left and came home and Im still crying now.

I just cant get over the way she treated me after everything I have done to help out today.
I dont want to go back and dont know what to do next. Should I write her a letter explaining how I feel or should I just carry on as normal?
I have 2 days off now so want to know what to do when I due back?
The manager is 6 months pregnant and although I understand about hormones I dont think she should be allowed to get away this kind of behaviour,maybe I shouldnt have let it upset me so much but I work my ass off for them and just get shit on in return

Sorry for the long rant

[flowerybeanbag]

Readyfornum2 to me based on what you've said it sounds like that manager was having an extremely bad day, made even worse by being 6 months pregnant, probably feeling rotten, having her assistant manager unwell and being full of hormones.

She may well be feeling horrible about how she was behaving towards you.

I think you may have initially felt like not going back, but that's a fairly drastic reaction to one of those events which seems so awful at the time, but unless it's a regular event, probably isn't something to feel like that about just yet. Hopefully you are feeling a bit better this morning?

I would be inclined to see if you can have a quiet word with that manager. Say you are concerned by how she was behaving towards you, explain that you were doing your best to manage the situation as the assistant manager was unwell and things were difficult. Say you felt you took the appropriate actions during the afternoon and took decisions which were the best you could have done, but felt that she didn't appreciate that and was unnecessarily harsh with you.

Give her an opportunity to apologise, and say that if there is any area of your work in which she feels there is a problem, or you could improve, you would be keen for her to let you know and give you the opportunity to do so as you are keen to progress and improve your performance wherever you can.

That conversation may well diffuse the situation completely, and I would say try that first before you consider anything else. It sounds as though she lost her temper disproportionately in the circumstances and I think she should be given the opportunity to make things right. Be the bigger person and give her that opportunity. She may even call you in for a word to have that conversation herself.

I think also if you are hoping for a promotion, dealing with this yourself is crucial. If you go running to the assistant manager, for example, that isn't the sign of someone who can take on extra responsibilities. As you have found out, managing means taking responsibility, making decisions in difficult circumstances and not being able to ask someone else what to do. So if you can, deal with this situation in a mature manner yourself, it will show that you are capable of dealing with difficult situations calmly.

[readyfornum2]

Thanks Flowerybeanbag I have written a letter explaining why I got upset and how her actions made me feel, I have explained that I think she acted wrongly but I welcome the chance for her to have her say and explain her side so I am waiting to hear back from her.
This is the first time she has been like this with me but she has done it to a number of staff including the assistant manager! I dont want her to be sacked but I do think she needs to be talked to about her behaviour and how to better deal with things in the future

[flowerybeanbag]

That's not good if she's done it before, although it is good that it therefore is nothing to do with you particularly, iyswim.

Hopefully she will respond well to your letter and you can have a good chat. See what comes of that and depending on how she reacts you can consider taking it further if you're not happy after that.

Hope you get it sorted ok