Guilt - Sick Child v Work. Would you tell your boss how you feel?

[TreadmillMom]

Today is my 3rd day back at work after an absence of 5 months due to sickness. Unfortunately I contracted Pneumonia back in June, spent a month in hospital due to complications which resulted in the need for lung surgery and it?s taken all this time to be fully recovered. It was very painful both physically and emotionally as I have 2 DSs under 4 and you?ll appreciate that I did not see them for more than once a week whilst in hospital and it was a good 2+ months before I was able to start caring for them adequately.
Anyway, my youngest who is 2yrs was poorly all over the weekend and against my better judgement I sent him to nursery on Monday so that I could ?show my face? at work. Needless to say the nursery called at 2pm to say he had a temp of 39.5 and I needed to collect him.
You can imagine my embarrassment at having to leave work only into my 2nd day back and then the guilt on seeing how ill my child is and how happy he was to see me. He cuddled me and whispered into my ear that he loved me.
Anyway took him to the GP blah, blah, blah but the upshot is that he is not going to be well enough to attend nursery for the remainder of this week at least.
Faced with being judged for not being in work after making an appearance I felt compelled to send my son to my MILs 40 miles away where he?ll be cared for so I can go to work?I am not going to see my baby now till the weekend and I am so upset at having to leave a sick child just be work conscientious.
DH said if I am so upset I should let my employer know that I have not taken the decision to be at work lightly, it sounded like a good idea but should I even bother?
i. I chose to have kids
ii. The law does allow that I stay home if they?re sick
iii. My employer has never given me any reason to think they are in any way displeased with me
iv. Would they really give stuff?
What do you think, should I outline an email and send it my line manager and HR?

[Kathyis6incheshigh]

aaargh - poor you, I really feel for you.
It's a hard one. On the one hand it would be good to have it in your records in case your commitment is ever questioned in the future. OTOH they probably wouldn't give a stuff.
I guess if you can phrase it as a sort of 'I overcame a challenge' to make you look good, it might be worth a quick email? But you don't want to draw attention to the fact that you have family commitments, so it might be better to leave well alone. Tough one.

[ajandjjmum]

Depends on the company you work for. If someone who worked for me spoke to me about what happened, I would appreciate their honesty and commitment, and probably try to let you finish on say, Thursday lunchtime, to go and get your little one.

We're a small company, and absences do put a lot of pressure on everyone else, but you just have to get on with it.

If it's a large company you work for, surely they have people in place who could cover for you anyway - or maybe I'm being naive?

[bozza]

What about DH taking half the time off?

[Bouncingturtle]

You entitled to unpaid time off with children, you certainly wouldn't be able to take it as sick leave as you yourself aren't sick.
If your employers are really good, they'll let you take the time off as annual leave(so you don't lose out on money), so I guess it depends on how good a relationship you have with your boss.

[CountessDracula]

I agree get dh to help out
I suppose you don't have anyone else you can call on eg could you MIL come and stay with you?

[seeker]

Could your dh not take time off?

[flowerybeanbag]

The law says you are entitled to unpaid emergency leave when you have a sick child but that would only be for a day or two to sort out alternative care not for the duration of his sickness. In reality lots of employers are more generous than this though.

I would explain what happened, emphasise how keen you are and enthusiastic about your job after such a long time off but really would prefer not to have your child cared for by someone else while he is ill. Ask if you can take the week off as annual leave, if they are a caring employer and you are a committed employee I would think they would allow this if possible.

Hope you get it sorted and he feels better soon.

[perpetualworrier]

I'm afraid in your position I'd probably say I thought I'd come back a bit early and take a few more days.

In my experiemce, no matter how understanding an employer appears to be in these circumstances they don't mean it and even if they did, your collegues wouldn't.

[SquiffyonSnowballs]

I would try to keep it quiet at work.

I really feel for you - it is horrible when these situations crop up, but I wouldn't risk emailing your HR or anything. However well you document this there is a chance that someone will think (a) you have an ulterior motive of telling them all how lucky they are to have you showing such devotion to work or (b) you are in a roundabout way trying emotional blackmail to force them to offer time off for you.

If it had happened at any time other than straight after returning to work, then I would explain the situation like a shot - it is just the timing here that is so awful.

Please don't get too wrapped up in guilt: your children will judge you on a million things over the course of their childhood and this whole episode (including hospital) will be a drop in the ocean. The important thing to them is that you love them unconditionally and that they are in the care of people they know

[Oblomov]

Difficult one. I understand, becasue I am like you and have this overwhelming urge to make people understand that I do care.
But is this the time to say , or to just let it go. Impossible to say, I guess. But if you feel really strongly, a quiet word with your Manager(if you get on well) rather than an e-mail, an e-mail being a bit more 'official', might be the best bet.

Hello to Flowery. Welcome back.

[flowerybeanbag]

hope you're doing ok and thanks for lovely support recently

(end of hijack)

[laura032004]

Could you all stay at your MIL's whilst your DS recovers, so at least you see him in the evenings?

Could your MIL come to you?

Not the answer to your question I know

[drosophila]

The problem is the stress of worrying about work and your kids could well lead you to being unwell again. My advice is if he/she is half human then tell them.

I was in a similar situation - back at work after 5 mths off and within a week or so my BIL was in hosp and died and I had about a week off I think. A few mths later Dad was in hosp and died and I had a couple of weeks off. Boss is a nice man but I still felt awful.

[TreadmillMom]

Thank you for your responses, I knew I?d come to the right place.
I?ve decided not to say anything turning a 3-hour absence into some big political scene, I guess I was just feeling a little raw.
Have telephoned DS2 everyday and though he is still poorly is totally content and not stressed at all by being separated from us.
Can?t wait to pick him up tomorrow smoother him in kisses and cuddles, Friday is my non-working day.