resign?

[kafka]

I have been having a very difficult time at work since returning after maternity leave, office bullying etc.. Eventually I made a grievance (which I had hoped to avoid but I was 'in a corner' as the bullying escalated and there was a threat of action against me) my grievance has been dealt with very agressively and numerous allegations have been made about me, there is no support whatsoever for me at my place of work. My health has suffered I am off with stress. I could fund a tribunal claim but my damages would not recover the financial outlay (if I won).

but more importantly I do not think that I will personally cope with the stress of a claim at the ET. The grievance procedure has left me so demoralised, depressed and anxious and ET proceedings would be worse no doubt. I spend most of my evenings drafting letters dealing with the latest allegations or failure to answer my grievance or questions. It is affecting my relationship with my lovely dh etc... I am thinking of resigning and moving on, has anyone done this? It feels very humilliating but I have no fight left in me and is a form of damage limitation I suppose. I am not sure how I will get another job without a reference though.
I have changed my name for this post.

[HedTwig]

consult solicitor re constructive dismissal and sex discrimination case.. ensure you have as much written documentation and details as possible then resign

[kafka]

I am thinking of just resigning and walking away, I cannot face litigation.

[kafka]

i will need to do something though to keep my sanity if I resign, anyone done this and forged a new career or interest

[flowerybeanbag]

kafka sounds as though you have been having a really tough time. at the lack of support for you at work.
You are right to think that an ET claim would be incredibly stressful - as you have found just dealing with your situation and putting in a grievance it can really take it's toll and it is not uncommon at all for individuals to be off work with stress when going through something like this.
Obviously without more information it is impossible to say how good a claim you would have - you could have a case for sex discrimination depending on what exactly has happened surrounding your return from maternity leave, and there could be a case for constructive dismissal if your position has become what is called untenable, if your working situation is so unbearable you literally have no option but to walk. However, constructive dismissal is notoriously difficult to prove and claim, and is very stressful.

It is a very mature (if I can say so without sounding patronising) and self-aware attitude to realise that the 'right' thing is not necessarily the best thing for you, and sometimes you are right, it is best to walk away for your own good, for your health and to enable you to get over this quicker and move on. It does seem 'wrong' to think this and to advise this - the natural instinct if someone has been treated badly at work is to seek 'justice' and redress and is of course what you are entitled to do.

However many people embark on grievances and tribunal claims etc in a bid to prove that they were treated badly, and to get compensation, but go through the mill in doing so and come out perhaps with some money but having been through months/years of a stressful process and not having started the process of 'moving on'.

It is not humiliating to walk away if that's what you choose to do, it is taking the mature and informed decision that that is what is best for you and your health and what will enable you to move on quicker in the long run.

Of course your employers deserve to have to fight a tribunal claim and deserve to be held to account for what has happened to you, and if you choose to do that, you are absolutely within your rights and it may be the right thing to do. But I would always advise anyone to take what is the best decision for them and in some cases the best thing is to walk away, however hard it is to do.

Only you will know what is the best thing for you. It may well be worth doing as Twig suggests and talking to a solicitor, giving more detail than you are able to here, he/she will be able to talk you through exactly how good a case you may have, and you can ask them to be as honest as possible about the costs, both financial and emotional, and about realistic timescales. You may find when you have more information that you change your mind and decide to take this on.

It is really important that employers are held to account when they break the law, and when they treat employees badly, so it is important that some people do take these things 'all the way'. But if your health has already suffered, you are feeling 'out of fight' and just want to move on, it may well be that you shouldn't be one of those people. You have to think about yourself first and foremost, not about the 'greater good' of holding employers to account.

Think about talking to a solicitor about the case you may have, you may change your mind and decide to bring a claim, in which case there will be plenty of support and advice here for that as well. Whatever you decide to do, I hope that you can recover quickly and start feeling more positive about your future.

[kafka]

fwb that you for this,really helped.

I should have said that I do have a solicitor who is a discrimination specialist.

[flowerybeanbag]

glad to have helped and sounds as though you do have the expert advice you need to make an informed decision, which is good.
best of luck with whatever you choose to do

[kafka]

My real worry is how I will manage without a reference. Even if I win at ET no reference and the way my employer is behaving it is very unlikely that they will settle.

[macmama73]

It depends on whether you want to look for a job where you would need a reference. If you were to become self employed then it would not be an issue.

Before I had DD I left my job because of a colleague, although it was nothing like as bad as you describe. I couldn't face her anymore, and it was really getting me down. It was the best decision I could have made, I was so much happier.

At the end of the day, your mental health is more important than "the principle", iyswim. You might win a victory but to what cost?

[flowerybeanbag]

Hmm, reference problem is tricky. Although many organisations now only give very basic references confirming dates, etc, does your organisation routinely do more that this? If not, just give HR dept.
Is there anyone senior in the organisation who would give you a positive reference but who isn't your direct line manager? If so you could tell a little white lie and say your line manager has left or something and give the other senior person as a contact instead.

Other alternative is a bit tricky. Employees sometimes leave organisations through compromise agreements, where their departure is mutually agreed and an agreement drawn up usually stating that the employee won't take the employer to tribunal for various things and often gets some cash. Things like references are often agreed as part of these - you would agree wording of any reference to be given to a future prospective employer, usually something neutral and non-committal but not negative in any way.
You may want to talk to your solicitor about this as an option. If you are sure you don't want to go to a tribunal, and would resign anyway, there may be an option of going to them and saying you do believe you have a good case for sex discrimination/ constructive dismissal etc but would prefer not to bring a claim, however you are concerned about future references and would like to agree a reference to be given and tie it all up with your departure.
I would strongly advise speaking to your solicitor contact beforehand if you want to consider this option, and if you are going to your employer asking rather than them approaching you you are unlikely to get any money, but I would say they are fairly likely to be happy to agree a mutually satisfactory reference and sign an agreement with you agreeing a departure date. If you do sign a compromise agreement they have to pay for you to have it checked by a solicitor as well before you sign.

That is one possible way out of the reference problem and if you do definitely decide you don't want to bring a claim and would resign anyway, you could consider it, but as I say, speak to your solicitor first.

[chocolatekimmy]

(I know this is a few days late but!)

Kafka - are you me in disguise? I have been through something similar and have just resigned today. I have been left hanging on with the grievance process (having been isolated and moved offices!) for 6 weeks now and its going to be a further 4 by the time I have any conclusions or options for my future. The thing that made me 'walk' today was that I saw my GP yesterday and the stress is becoming a depressive illness. I'm not risking further mental harm by continuing in such a toxic environment for anyone.

My family and myself are far more important. I should get an eventual outcome 'in due course' when they write to me under the modified grievance procedure (for someone that has left already).

Right now I feel very sad - that things have ended this way, robbed - of a great interesting job with good package and fantastic hours, empowered - because i am now in control, worried - about what the future holds, and relieved - that the damaging relationship is over.

Basically it is very emotional, up and down, but only you know whats right. Don't risk your health though for anyone or anything - especially work. Once you are away from the cause of the stress it will strenthen you and you may have the fight in you to continue a claim by then. Good luck.

[keeplaughing]

kafka - funny this, just got post from chockimmy about my husband being sacked (unfairly) and am in combatitive mode on his behalf. But have been thro' the mill in last 2 years and really....life's toooooo short. If you can, move on and look at it as an opportunity. I got made redundant, am now contracting short term but glad of breathing space i've had. Unfortunately glass ceiling is in place firmly, especially if you have kids. I'm struggling with walking away from all the injustice but am nearly there with thinking sod it. It's difficult to stop the fight , but really I don't care any more- someone else can take up the battles and I'll live my own life now.m Roll on my dream. seaside and not corporate for me now. don't care if i'm poor. Not going to have my country pile anyway...but do have my luvly DH, dd, ds

[flowerybeanbag]

(mini hi-jack, hi chocolatekimmy just to say I remember you were having a rough time and I'm sorry to hear you've had to resign, but glad to see you feel empowered and relieved, I'm sure it's a weight off the shoulders and I hope you find something good soon ).

[kafka]

Hi there, not been on for a while. Chocolatekimmy, so sorry that your health has been affected by your work. Mine has too so know what it is like. What you say is very resonant with me, up and down not knowing what the future holds. I also feel sort of sullied by the whole process and shamed as if I have done something wrong. It has been two months since I made my grievance and still no meeting, which is a statutory breach but ultimately does not get me much further.

Are you going to take your employer to an ET?

fwb thanks for your kind advice on this thread it is very much appreciated - do you work in a legal setting?

I have no idea what the future holds for me as what has happened may prevent me achieving a professional qaulification that I have worked very hard to obtain, but yes I will try to turn it to my advantage and recover my health, onwards and upwards!

[flowerybeanbag]

Hi kafka

I'm not a lawyer no, I am an HR consultant - spend my time working with different organisations either on projects or giving them advice when needed in tricky situations. I also mentor and coach individuals who need guidance in work situations.

Obviously without knowing what professional qualification it is, it's difficult to say, but definitely worth exploring other ways of getting/finishing your qualification, there are often lots more creative and flexible ways of doing this these days. If you can find something that would suit you either now or in the future it gives you something positive to aim for and focus on, which would probably be a really good thing for you at the moment. It would give you a greater sense of control over your own future which you are currently missing, and even if it takes longer/means you have to make some big changes, it might be worth considering.

Alternatively, think of other things you can do to focus yourself positively and give you more of a sense of control. You're already halfway there as you have an 'onwards and upwards' attitude to what's happening to you, which often takes months or years to achieve.

[kafka]

fwb good advice doing a lot more cooking than usual at the moment and going to get a personal trainer,- hey compared to my brill lawyer's fees the trainers fees are a snitch and I am too depressed to go to the gym. I though I would have a few sessions and then face the municipal gym.

Professionally its a biggy! a big mountain taking each days as it comes. Thanks again for you time.

K

[chocolatekimmy]

Late again - sorry ladies - but i haven't been on here much recently as too much going on!

How are you getting on Kafka? Any improvements or progress at all?

I have been off work for almost three weeks now and I am feeling so much better now that I am away from the toxic environment I was in.

I am still awaiting the outcome of my grievance to be sent to me in writing. Other staff are being interviewed still and being asked the 'wrong' questions apparently. One big cover up by the sounds of it - it all stinks!

I will take this all the way - I never give up on anything - but bearing in mind it is one of the top 3 supermarkets, the bullying is from a HR Manager and they have caused me to become so ill over it all I think I am likely to be able to negotiate a decent figue to 'go away'. I really can't see them going to tribunal with the amount of evidence i presented and the cost/risk to the business etc.

I just need to get over them now. Meantime I am enjoying the time off during the school holidays.

[mamasin]

sorry to hear about your difficulties. am going throught something similar, they are looking at an investigator and drafting terms of reference but it stinks of collusion. Also wondering whether to resign...