PhD in UK or Norway

[JesB83]

hello all!

feel a little out of my depth here as I am neither a mum, nor pregnant. But I do plan to be!
Im 32, with a wonderful man and plan on having kids in the coming years.
But, I am also about to start a PhD and have the choice of either the UK or Norway. In either case field work will mean we wont be able to consider getting pregnant until mid-2017 (when I'll be 34).
The mat/pat pay and childcare costs are obviously very different, with Norway providing nearly a year of full pay to split to between mother and father and child care very reasonable if not enteirly subsidised.
Here I would get 26 weeks full pay, but father a miserable 2 weeks. Which he is not happy about. And Im not sure we could afford the SPL arrangement even if we qualified, because a full time phd is not considered "work" as you are officially a student.
But the project in the UK is much better for my career and my family are here.
The supervisor in the UK (and most of the team) are male, but he is very understanding and I have discussed these issues with him.
The supervisor (and most of the team!) in Norway are all female!

So question is....what risks am I looking at by delaying pregnancy beyond 34.
What kind of child care costs are we looking at in the UK.
Any wiff of a fairer paternity policy on the horizon?!
And does anyone else have experience with this, especially with regard to Scandinavia?

Do I sacrifice the career or the initial child-raising experience?

Appreciate mumsnet advice!

J

[barnet]

I cant help on the UK or having a child after 34. I moved to Norway 7 yrs ago and have had one baby here, and have worked in research. I know 3 ladies doing PhDs who have had babies with the full 9-18months parental leave(split as desired between mother and father). It is a very stress free place to bring up kids, full time childcare is cheap and the norm from 1/1.5yrs. Even if you have field work, you could have the baby earlier and carry after your maternity leave.
BUT! Yours and the dad's leave depends on how many months you and the dad have worked in the last 1.5yrs in the UK or norway, before you start the leave. Check what the current rules are! It is possible to fall through the gap( i did it, due to bad timing/ unexpected pregnancy...)

[PiratePanda]

Are you planning on an academic career afterwards? Because if so, the university you do your PhD at matters a hell of a lot. You should let that being the deciding factor in the UK v Norway debate, not longer term issues about which country you will end up working in - because you will be entering an international marketplace and you may end up working in neither of them! Quite apart from anything else, in the UK if you get research council funding you get up to a year off fully funded, whether you're the mother or the father!

[Gen35]

I agree with piratepanda, go for the career because that's your major long term factor, doesn't make sense to decide PhDs based on maternity/childcare as that's a shorter term consideration. Fwiw, close, supportive family is very useful. Paid childcare is no substitute imo.,,

[DriftingOff]

At your age, if you know you want to have children, then I would get on with it ASAP. I got pregnant very easily first time round (age 32), but then struggled to conceive, and had miscarriage after miscarriage second time round (age 34 onwards). It's a devastating experience to discover you can't have children, especially when you knew you could have done if you'd got on with it earlier.

[IlonaRN]

I would choose the most interesting PhD project.

[JesB83]

Hi all,

Thanks for your advice :-)
It was a really tough call, not just because of the mat leave business, but mostly the pat leave in the UK! My partner is Swedish and was aghast at the thought of potentially not being able to spend more than 2 weeks off work with a new child (we dont think I would qualify for SPL as phd's dont count as "work" apparently!).
But we hope to find a way around that as I've gone for the UK position.
Best project, best long term prospects, and I get to go to Antarctica!

Thanks all!