Long term impact of workplace bullying

[Caterpillarmum]

Issue came up on a different thread but didn't want to hijack it.

Has anyone experienced workplace bullying that went unresolved? What were the long term effects on you?

I was in this position a number of years ago and I still find it occupying my thoughts. I've had help etc but can't get over the injustice of it. There is nothing formally I can do but would really like to get it into perspective so I can shake off the bitterness.

[sportinguista]

Hi, I'm going through this at the moment and I strongly suspect that I may feel the same. It will not get resolved and at the moment I strongly feel the injustice of it and I suspect I will for quite sometime. One day I hope the perpertrator will get a taste of their own medicine which I guess would be the best justice.

It is hard to get over unjust situations but I guess with time you will start to think of it less on a day-to-day basis and it will eventually be only something that you think of very ocaissionally when something triggers it.

I've no real answers for this as I'm very much in the situation still but didn't want to read and run. Maybe someone who is further on than us both can help with some perspective around this?

[fusspot66]

I too had a nasty experience of prolonged bullying at work. It's now 15 months since I left and I'm slowly recovering. I dont think I'll ever be the same again though. It spoiled my early years with my children. It started after maternity leave. Quelle surprise.

[fusspot66]

In terms of helpful advice, I do wish I had got out sooner. I was determined to fight it, but would have been wiser to move on.

[FelixTitling]

Caterpillar, I was subject to what was effectively workplace bullying, although it was never acknowledged or dealt with as such, about 4 years ago.
The perpetrator has left now but I still work in the same building as others who new it was happening and stood by and did nothing. In fact, in one persons case they enabled her to do what she did and almost supported her actions.

It doesn't go away. It toughened me up, work wise, and as a result have developed something of a paranoid, 'work to rule' attitude to work. I always used to go the extra mile, but not now. I also now communicate everything in email and keep everything 'just in case'. But, equally, I make sure my work is flawless and delivered on time. Nothing more, nothing less.

I have nice work relationships, but am careful never to socialise with anyone outside of work and rarely bring my home life into work.

I do think about it. I think jealousy was the cause, though I'll never really know. I think now though, I just feel pity for that person, and the other people were just weak and shallow for letting it happen.

Have you considered some counselling?

[Caterpillarmum]

I was talked into not rocking the boat by complaining but realised later on the person giving this advice had their own agenda for saying this. Ironically though they ended up being shafted by the situation so I'm sure they regretted their own advice.

One of the people involved in the bullying ended up progressing in their career, which I think is one of the things I feel most aggrieved by.

It also seemed to become very personal for some reason and that still confuses me. I think because I stood up to the bullying by calling that person out on their behaviour to their face, they made it their mission to hurt me. Ultimately it didn't but it seemed very vindictive. One is still keeping tabs on me through social media which I find really odd.

It has effected my confidence and my zest for life (sounds corny but the only way I can put it really). I don't trust people easily now and am super sensitive to criticism at work. I question and analyse everything I do to see if it's me. I don't really trust my own ability anymore which is sad because people tell me I'm really good at my job but I don't believe them.

I went through a phase of believing in karma but now I'm not convinced at all that life is that fair.

[JustAShopGirl]

I was on the other end of the stick - so to speak - I was falsely accused of being a bully by someone who wanted to progress their career - it was a civil service post and was a well known way to get moved on - accuse someone of bullying and get moved to another post of equal or higher pay/seniority.

It caused me years of angst despite all my own management and staff resoundingly disputing the person's statement - you get the feeling inside yourself that their is no smoke without fire and that they must have felt something was not right etc... only found out later that it was an "I want to move to a better post" thing.

I still feel affronted... that anyone - even the HR bods who I never once met during all this - could ever think that of me.

[JustAShopGirl]

I also don't think life is fair....

[Caterpillarmum]

Felix I did have counselling at the time (even the therapist wanted me to report it but I had stupidly been convinced it would have a long term impact on my career as I'd be known as a trouble maker, so didn't ).

Counselling helped me get through it but I still struggle to understand why and I guess I'll never know. That's what I need to accept but cant quite do it.

I really want to start again in a new field to really put it behind me. I've got my masters, loads of experience and on paper I do look very employable. I'm just worried this black cloud will follow me into my new profession and taint my actions. I've thought about a life coach to make sure I focus on the future rather than the past - has anyone got any experience if this?

[PeppermintInfusion]

I've had a couple of experiences of workplace bullying, one serious enough to cause me to leave. Like a PP, tried to address it but it was brushed under the carpet as people had their own agendas.
By luck a better job came up, I got it and left rather than stay to deal with it. It does feel unresolved, and due to my industry I'm likely to encounter the perpetrator at some point again. However I feel that the experience has toughened me up and I wouldn't let it get so far again (I think I was a target partly due to my 'softness'), people who knew me then and know professionally say I'm much more confident and self-assertive now, although part of that was the bullying wearing me down.

I later met the boss of the person who swept it under the carpet at a conference who apologised to me for not recognising both the bullying and the inaction towards it. That really helped me move on too I think.

[PeppermintInfusion]

ShopGirl I really don't comprehend how people can potentially cause another person so much damage to further themselves (my bullying was in a way related to this, to try to keep me down as I had potential in certain areas).
Stealing the glory is one thing, but falsely accusing someone of bullying is a whole other level and I don't understand how they could live with that on their conscience!

[JustAShopGirl]

Pepp... I guess it takes a certain type of selfish, unscrupulous person - it happened to me 14 years ago and I still feel my stomach churn at the though of it.

I really feel for people going through the very real and very nasty situation of being bullied at work though - it seems to be one of those things that DOES get swept under the carpet rather than dealing with it - and people often leave because of that.

Where I work now the bosses will often pick on a young man I work with because he lacks experience and takes longer to do some things accordingly. The way they speak to him verges on nastiness and bullying - he is only doing his job -

I have taken to saying things like "Wow - got out of bed the wrong side, don't be so nasty", or "pick on someone your own size and pay grade" when I hear their comments to him (Luckily it is quite an informal workplace!) - it just makes them aware that what they are saying is NOT nice and not something that a normal person will put up with.

Their comments are becoming fewer and more related to the actual job - providing feedback rather than vitriol.