so fed up with this situation at work

[wantanewname]

Really fed up with work and just don't know how to resolve it. Every day I tell myself I'm lucky to have a reasonably well paid, sometimes interesting job so that I don't walk out but it's such a struggle. I used to manage a small team (7 members in it) and did a good job. There was one member of the team (Steve) who wasn't directly employed by me who was always very difficult, constantly undermining me, sarcastic etc but the others were lovely and the team worked well.

18 months ago we had a restructure which meant our team came under a wider, bigger team and we had a new manager. We all had to apply for our jobs and all went up a couple of grades but ended up with less responsibility and I was no longer a manager.

The woman employed to be our manager ended up having a breakdown as she couldn't cope with the work and a vacancy was created. (She was sidelined into something else). In the meantime I had had a very bad year, my partner was seriously ill and other home worries meant that I developed depression and though I only had a couple of weeks off work I wasn't too interested in work.

When the vacancy came up both me and Steve went for the managers job and he got it. I felt very undermined by this as he had been my (difficult) employee for a number of years and now he is my boss. Not only that but he is still a nightmare to me. He still undermines me in meetings, is sarcastic and rude to me via email and in person and even in front of other people in meetings. The problem is he is charming to everyone else and everyone thinks he saved the day when my manager couldn't cope. There is noone to complain to. My own more senior manager thinks he is wonderful and I would be seen to be a trouble maker by complaining and I can't stand being there. But there is hardly any work in my field and I don't want to be forced out.

[wantanewname]

I have posted this in relationships as well. I feel so desperate about it. I just don't know what to do.

[sensesworkingovertime]

Hi Wanta, you sound like you've had a rough time with home and work. This last thing you want is some psycho manager making your life difficult.

Let's face it, what you describe is vile bullying. If he is pleasant to other people then why not to you? I have had exprerience of this and it's horrible. You wonder what is wrong with you to be so victimised. I honestly think though that the people perpetrating the bullying are insecure and are usually jealous. He is probably good at spouting drivel to the right people and sucking up to the right people.

Is there anyone you can confide in at work, even if it's just to offload on someone who can understand? Are you in a Union to get advice from? Have you been keeping a bit of a diary about what exactly he's doing and when, copies of emails perhaps? Have you ever considered confronting him? This sometimes has surprising results and might give him a much needed shake up. Worse case senario, can he actually treat you any worse than he does now?

Hope this has helped a bit and you find someone you can confide in and things improve for you soon.

[LeChatRouge]

Oh goodness, work problems take over your whole world don't they? Literally every waking minute. I completely identify and sympathise.

You have options:

a) stay in the job, do nothing, keep feeling rubbish
b) stay in the job, speak to your senior manager (doesn't matter if he thinks Steve is wonderful, it's his job to make sure his entire workforce are ok and if you are not, he needs to take that seriously)
c) as senses wisely says, keep a diary for the next four weeks and call a meeting with Steve and your senior manager together
d) ask to move to a different department for career progression
e) go off sick and look for something else in your field
f) try a new career path

[sensesworkingovertime]

some good ideas from LeChat here, I hope some of these help you Wanta.