distance from my mum

[Love2014]

Hi my dad died a couple of years ago of a heart attack and my mum who was previously about 30-40 mins from me and lived where I grew up. She has moved a year ago back to her home town which is over 2hrs drive from me with no traffic delays. My dad was ill most of my life and my mum cared for him. I was always closer to my dad however then my mum, now dad has died we have grown a lot closer. My dad, Was always very depressed and my mum and dad argued a lot. I wanted my mum to leave him when I lived at home but she couldn't. When my brother and I became teenagers it got worse living with my dad he stayed in bed all day and didn't get up till he had to go to work and would get up shouting at us all for different reasons. He then went to work came home shouted at us all then went to bed and that was how it went. I became withdraw and angry and depressed myself. I've continued to struggle with all those feelings throughout my adult life even when I moved out of home. My mum tried her best but she was always angry at dad for not supporting her and that spiller over to anger at us for doing the smallest thing wrong. When dad died my head was a mess full of emotions, I had happy and sad memories that rushed to the surface things I had tried toforger.although I was desperately sad I wanted this to be a fresh start for us we could start again like we were free. However I had all this anger for my mum and kept arguing with her all the time whenever I was with her, angry about all the time we had lost and all the memories ruined. She went to live away and I don't blame her really. I just feel sad that I will never really have that closeness to her never really get to know her