Feeling sad.

[Helenluvsrob]

Feeling sad today. Maybe cos it's Mother's Day tomorrow ?

Visited dad. Gave him new slippers and fed him yoghurt. Clearly it's " patient choice for an easy life " carer team today - left him in bed till 12 ( so no breakfast) and didn't get him to the dining table for lunch so I don't know how much of what he ate slumped in a chair with out prompts.

Had a really good chat with the geriatrician yesterday. It was clear dad hadn't a scooby who I was or why I was there. I could have been anyone. I guess until now I got something " back " from interacting with him - even just a smile and a polite listen to my rambles - though I knew he didn't understand what j was on about. No I don't really. He liked the yoghurt but fell asleep and I sat there for an hour and went home.

There are benefits from being able to work on Line I guess!

How do you cope with this ? In a way I feel like going less and less but I'd feel so guilty if I did - on the other hand I'm exhausted and the house is going to wrack and ruin - even the bathroom is bleugh ....

[BoboChic]

Didn't want to leave this unanswered as I feel desperately sad for you and also shocked that your DF's home is not ensuring he is eating.

[kavvLar]

I'm so sorry. It's as terrifying as putting a baby in a nursery, you're completely in the hands of the carers who are often poorly paid and rushed off their feet. God bless you and your lovely dad.

[thesandwich]

Oh Helen I am sorry. It must be hard particularly with Mother's Day tomorrow.
You have been through so much- give yourself a break. Can you phone for updates on your dad? Take care

[PingPongBat]

Hi helenluvsrob

I'm not sure what to advise about visiting your dad, except to say do what you feel you can, while looking after yourself. In the last few days with mum last year, I felt bad about not being there every day, but also very conflicted as I knew my DCs needed me too.

Sending hugs and

[QuerkyJo]

I slowed the visits to my mum to the minimum. She looked straight through me towards the end. I have followed you on other threads and know how hard it is for you. Maybe it is time to be kind to yourself.

[MiddleAgeMiddleEngland]

It's hard, isn't it? I visited my aunt today who is in a care home nearby. She was asleep when I arrived, so I woke her up gently. She looked blank, then asked who I was. Some days she knows who we are, other days we could be anybody. She had no idea about the visitors she had yesterday

I don't visit every day, I simply can't with other commitments. The care home give good feedback - today I was told that she wasn't eating at lunch so had been spoonfed.

Be kind to yourself. My aunt's care home actually suggest that. It has an excellent reputation, so I feel that she's well looked after.

for you.

[Helenluvsrob]

Thanks all. You've been really helpful as has a chat with my big kids - it's so odd realising I have a pair of proper adults now !

I guess my dilemma boils down to - if i feed him I may be prolonging his life - but I can't do it enough to make a huge difference - and if I did , what the heck am I prolonging his life for now ? He's still not up to a tea and cake outing , doesn't get much out of me visiting and sleeps all the time ....

Argh !

[MiddleAgeMiddleEngland]

Helen Have you got to know any other regular visitors to the care home where your dad is? I've got to know a woman who regularly visits her mum who is in a room near my aunt. Neither of us visit every day, but have a quick hello with the 'other' one while we're there. The staff know this and are delighted. If there seems to be any issues, we can let each other know. We're going to 'cover' each others holidays, too.

Just wondering if that might be at all helpful for you to do?

[PeppermintPatty1]

That's a great idea England I hope that helps you out. How very sad this is.

[Helenluvsrob]

Thanks England. I don't know any relatives - don't see many however I do have my " spies" . Various work mates are in and out all day ! One of them saw him in an official capacity today as I had a call saying he was so shaky and unsteady they'd put him in bed this afternoon , I couldn't work out it they were telling me as daughter or professional . Embarrassingly I forgot to go after work ( but it was 7.30) but my colleague had seen him and thought it was just well a " blip without cause" ....

Must go tomorrow. I think he's on the way out ....

[thesandwich]

Oh Helen I am so sorry. Sending you and a big hug.

[PingPongBat]

helenluvsrob thinking of you

[Helenluvsrob]

Well. We are obviously on the roller coaster ride here ! Dads was eating his own food with. Knife and fork gain today !

Ok dad. I'd like you to recover enough to go out again if that's ok with you :)

[PingPongBat]

he's certainly keeping you on your toes