Christmas again

[mrsmobbs]

Help needed please. It is a long story but I have decided that I cannot have my inlaws again this Xmas, FIL is incontinent, for no medical reason and just sleeps all day - his GP said there is no reason for this any tests come back negative, he is doing it because he wants to. MIL is really needy and always has been and there is a battle going on between them because she wants to be looked after and does not want it the other way round and he has now decided he cannot be bothered. He won't shower, stinks to high heaven and last year wee'd over my toilet floor twice on Xmas day, not dribbles, great big puddles and instead of spending my day having a good time, I was clearing up his mess. MIL is very tactless and will say things without caring who she upsets and after 15 years of doing xmas I have had enough. There are 2 DILs one is single and lives in France, the other has older married children and live Kent and they do not offer to help, MIL prefers us anyway as I have a young DS. I do not really want to go out for xmas dinner, but cannot bear the thought of another spolit day and the fact the FIL just messes himself whilst asleep, even with pads. I feel a real monster for doing this, my DH is going to speak to them but I know if they are on their own on Xmas day he will be unhappy. but I desperately want a quite stress free Xmas for once.

[CMOTDibbler]

I think that quite apart from Christmas, your dh needs to push FIL and his GP for a referral to see what is going on - being incontinent to that extent and sleeping all day is not something people do just because they want to.

If you have had them for the last 15 years, then its your dh's sisters turn though - he needs to talk to them and sort something out

[LegoAcupuncture]

I don't think your request is unreasonable at all! Gosh after 15 years you deserve a stress free Christmas.

Your DH needs to tell them ASAP so they can arrange alternative Christmas dinner.

[mrsmobbs]

Thanks for the replies, I have spoken to his gp and she said that he has given up a bit as he has been dealing with mil for so long, he sleeps a lot and refuses to wake up, when you eventually get him to he says leave me alone, so if he comes here he just sleeps and says nothing my dh is going to speak to them this weekend about Xmas so let's hope we can get something sorted out.

[mercibucket]

if he wees in his sleep he isnt choosing to do it, is he? push for a referral.
i know that wasnt the question, sorry. . ,

[mercibucket]

oh sorry, did you mean he sleeps all day for no reason what is the cause of the incontinence then and is it being treated? what medical tests have they run about the sleeping? maybe your dh needs to start looking into a second opinion

[WallyBantersJunkBox]

15 years! No need to feel guilty, and your DH should be calling his sister to tell her it's her turn.

[mrsmobbs]

The gp said he gets into such a deep sleep that he leaves it too late to get to the toilet we have asked for a prostrate check, but that was ok, it is difficult to explain but mil is very old school and thinks her husband should do everything now fil seems to be rebelling and I do not blame him sometimes but it is as if he has become intentionally difficult and I think he enjoys the attention. If you give him a pep talk he does buck up and we have explained to mum they have to look after each other and she has to realise sad is tired too. gp said dh is 80 and in her opinion a lot of old people see no long term benefit from doing things so don't, must admit I was a bit taken aback at this, thanks for replies and will get dh to speak to his sis.

[pudcat]

I think your fil needs to have a thorough medical/mental investigation because this is not normal. There must be something causing it. It could just be depression, which can be sorted.