Is there any kind of objective way of assessing whether elderly people can look after themselves or not?
FIL is 90 and can look after himself. His physical and mental health is still very good.
MIL is 86 and cannot look after herself. She is housebound due to poor mobility. She has a range of medication to take daily, including a strong, opium-based painkiller.
FIL is trying to look after her and for the most part is doing an extremely good job. He copes with cooking, cleaning, laundry, shopping (still driving!).
They are in their own home, we live nearby and visit frequently.
However, MIL is a very difficult 'patient', and is putting excessive demands on FIL. EG, she won't take responsibility for taking her own medication. Her appetite has dwindled away; she drinks very little (and usually protests when food or drink is put in front of her). We've tried explaining that her headaches may be due to dehydration - but she still refuses to drink.
She has carers night and morning to help her with toileting (FIL helps the rest of the time).
She talks a lot of rubbish, eg insists she has taken all her tablets - but hasn't (they are in a nomad box so it's clear to see). She claims she drinks 'plenty' - but FIL says she asks for tea or coffee then drinks only 10% of it. She told the carers tonight that she was in terrible pain and that she has 'no more painkillers' - yet only 10 minutes earlier she was refusing to take her painkillers, claiming that if she took them she would vomit. The only time we've been aware of her vomiting was when we were present and she appeared to be trying to make herself vomit.
Their GP visits from time to time. FIL has told us twice recently that MIL phoned to ask for a house visit, then phoned back to cancel it. MIL is adamant she did no such thing.
She's rude and argumentative all the time, and my FIL is at his wit's end.
DH is an only child. He doesn't have any PoA.
Any suggestions about how to proceed?
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Elderly parents
Worried about PILs
6 replies
ElephantsEye · 21/07/2013 21:40
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