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Advice needed- mixing classes after reception for year 1

21 replies

charliecat · 08/07/2003 20:46

Hi, my daughter has been put in a class where she has no friends, her 5 buddies have been put in another class. She took ages to settle in, she doesnt make friends easily as she is very shy and her school report says all of this. Other wise she is well behaved, excellent at her work and the teacher said she was a pleasure to teach.....so i cant understand why the teacher has seperated her from the few friends she has.
I am going to see the teacher after school, possible before tommorow. Both classes have less than 30 so im hoping they will just put her in the other class with no arguements.....anyone else been through this?

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WideWebWitch · 08/07/2003 20:56

Charliecat, haven't been in this situation but poor you. Could you try inviting some children from her new class to tea for her to get to know? She might find it easier one on one at her house.

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Britabroad · 08/07/2003 21:04

Think talking to the teacher is best idea>
Why did she move her when she knew she took a while to settle in etc?
Ask her for valid explanation, maybe that her friends at school are different ones.
I would want an explanation that I felt happy with.
What does your daughter think of this?

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charliecat · 08/07/2003 21:15

She finds it hard to say hello to girls she does know, to put it on a plate, i have no idea what the teacher was thinking, i will be speaking to her tommorow definately.
My dd thought that her friends were in her class, it was just talking to the other mums i realised she wasnt, aparrently its random, but from a class of 26, 13 goes into one class ,13 another the randomness of her being the only one of her gang of 5, it seems odd. I have had a beer to calm the rage and tears so excuse rambling!;}

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charliecat · 08/07/2003 21:16

dodgy smiley lol

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Britabroad · 08/07/2003 21:32

Think that is pretty poor of teachers.
Some children dont get on, some only have one friend, you want a mix of ability etc etc so this could lead to lots of problems.
When we have changed classes always made sure the children had one close friend with them.
Don't think alot of thought been put into this

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marypoppins · 08/07/2003 22:08

Speak to your child's teacher, but be cluey. This may have been an oversight, so don't push her into a corner where she feels she should defend her former decision. Don't blame anyone. Remember your daughter may make new friends, why not? Just give the teacher an opportunity to empathise with your concerns. Mention the shyness recorded in the report and your pleasure she was beginning to come out of her shell in her current class. Praise the teacher's efforts so far. Then, if a change is not possible, believe in your daughter's ability to make new friends. She'll gain confidence if you believe in her!

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charliecat · 09/07/2003 07:47

Thanks everyone, i will let you know how things go.

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TerriB · 09/07/2003 10:43

Just thought I would add that I am going through a similar thing with my ds. When he started in Reception last September, he and one other boy were the only ones not to have gone to the schools nursery having attended privately run ones, and of course all the others knew each other, had their own little groups etc, and it took a long time for ds to settle in. He is now doing fine and seems happy. However, now they are all moving up to Year 1, they are mixing the classes up. I understand their reasons but I am so worried that ds will be separated from the friends he knows and will have to go through the whole settling in thing again!!

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codswallop · 09/07/2003 10:45

my friend had this and it was ahuge deal and then on the actual day it was no problem at all - you willbe suprised how things just work out!

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Sonnet · 09/07/2003 11:01

Nothing to add that hasn't been said already - just thought I'd send good luck wishes as I know how upsetting these thing are for children ( and mums!!) - hope it works out ( agree with how Marypoppins says to approach the teacher!!)

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Bumblelion · 09/07/2003 11:17

My son is also finishing year 1, going into year 2 in September. The school where he goes is not a "primary" school, it is an infants with a juniors over the road where he will automatically go after finishing Infants. They always used to split the classes before joining Camden but this year they have split the class at the end of year 1, rather than the end of year 2.

Saying that, he is going into a year 2 class with 2 of his 4 best friends and he is also a very sociable boy who has no trouble making new friends - I am not bragging, I know how different children can be - my eldest girl is a bit shy, finds it hard to make new friends, etc. whereas my son makes friends very easily.

My son started playgroup and make a "special" friend. When they started the nursery together attached to the infants' school, my son got afternoons and his friend got mornings. Because I didn't realise how sociable my son was at the time and I wanted him to settle in as easily as possible, I asked the nursery if he could change from afternoons to morning so he could be with his friend. They allowed this. The nursery always thought my son were more dependent on his friend than the other way round, but in fact the reality was the reverse, which they found out when my son and his friend took a holiday at differen times - my son just made new friends and still enjoyed himself whereas his friend had a difficult time as he was so dependent on my son.

When they started reception (last Easter), the school split up D (my son) and O (his friend) as they felt O was a "bad" influence on my son. My son settled in easily to his new class but O has had a few problems.

When they started year 1, O's problems escalated (his mum is going for funding/statement, etc. at the moment) and he was moved to another year 1 class as the teacher could not cope with him disrupting the class. The new year 1 class could not cope with him either so he was put in a year 2 class although he was only 5 at the time. After Easter his school day was shortened to finish at 11:30 (only 2.5 hours in school) as they felt they did not have the resources to keep him in school for the whole day. When his mum queried this - saying what on earth would he possibly learn in only 2.5 hours a day at school - they said he wasn't learning anything anyway.

It is only now that he is back up to finishing at 1:30 (2 hours early) and they were hoping that they could have him back full-time before the end of term but it doesn't seem this will now happen because his problems have not been "sorted" and he is still disruptive, threatening, etc.

When the year 2 children sat their SATS, he was moved back into his original year 1 class and he loves this teacher now, having spent time with 2 other teachers, although he is still sometimes disruptive, rude, etc.

Because of O's problems, O's mum was a bit concerned about how he would settle back into school after the summer holidays as it always takes all children a few days to settle back down after such a long summer holiday but with O's problems she felt it would be even worse and she didn't want him starting year 2 on a short day again.

Because he likes his teacher so much, next year she will be taking a year 2 class and O will be with her as he has got a rapport with his teacher and she does seem to sympathise with him.

I seem to have waffled and gone off the trail a bit - which I seem to do quite often which is why I don't always post a message!!! - but I would say speak to the teacher and I can't see why they would not be willing to accommodate moving one of your daughter's friends (or your daughter) into a class with at least one of her special friends, unless of course they have a valid reason - sometimes some children do not mix best with other children, i.e. if you have 2 disruptive children in a class, they will split them as they will not be encouraging each other to disrupt the class.

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charliecat · 09/07/2003 21:33

Wow, Thank you everyone for your time...the story so far briefly....
Met teacher, dicussed it loads, teacher had her reasons, and i could see her point, but it still feels very wrong, my dd thinks also she should be in the class shes not.
My dd or the 4 others are really nice little girls, so its not that dd is a trouble maker and needed to be removed. Teacher said dd was top of the class...but id say shes been put with disruptive donuts, in comparison to this elusive "other class" lol....so then why has she been put in what seems the wrong class plus the fact that her friends arent there either.
The teacher is known for baffling you so you cant remember what your problem was in the first place and i really feel she was bribing me so i dont muck up her lists.............i am at the moment thinking of going with my gut feeling to get her moved. The names on her class are unfamilar...oh so so wrong. I will update when i can. Thanks again
P.S if it is garbled it is because i have never been so stressed in my life!

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Jimjams · 09/07/2003 21:38

Bumblelion- sounds like O has been treated appallingly. Advise his mum to contact IPSEA asap for some advice! I'm horrified!

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SoupDragon · 09/07/2003 21:41

Charliecat, if it doesn't feel right to you and it doesn't feel right to your DD then ask for it to be changed. Did the teacher say why all her friends are in the other class?

You say the teahcer had her reasons and you could see her point - what were her reasons? Is the class she's been put in a "top class" or something?

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charliecat · 09/07/2003 21:41

Jimjams, well done, managed myself to read all of that thinking how dreadful but without remembering to writeit, and by the way, my dd is suspected aspergers which makes this all the worse. That though i think is another thread!

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charliecat · 09/07/2003 21:45

The teacher says my dd is not as much of a part of this group as she would like to think, that when i first said, why have you seperated her, she couldnt work out why i was concerned.
She has apparently put with quieter, more serious kids, but only 2 of them i recognise the names of.
As i just said my dd is a bit aspergy so its hard to know...but daily these same kids run to my non responsive daughter and hug her and she smiles. Thats why it seems wrong to seperate them

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3GirlsMum · 09/07/2003 22:46

Charliecat I would suggest another chat with the teacher. My nephew is currently being assessed for aspergers and the doctor is 99% sure that it iswhat he has. Its well known that Aspergers children can have trouble interacting with others and it seems such a shame that when you daughter has managed to do this that she is then put away from them.

Maybe you need to find out the schools policy on "special needs" and how much the teacher concerned does know about aspergers. As it is still considered relatively new its very possible that she knows nothing at all...they were certainly not very well educated on it at my nephews school!

Hope that this gets sorted for you. Take care.

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Jimjams · 09/07/2003 22:59

OK - if your dd is showing signs of AS she needs assessment! What sort of things make you say that? Has the teacher said this (actually I'd be horrified if she had). That assessment needs to be from someone qualified to make the diagnosis- ie a peadiatrician. Ed Psychs paid by the LEA are notoriously bad at making AS diagnoses as it then costs the LEA's more (parents start demanding help etc!) If she has AS she needs a diagnosis and help. Also if she has AS she doesn't need to be separated from the group she is comfortable with.

No seriously school can be an incredibly difficult place for children with AS - which means that care has to be taken to set up a friendly and helpful environment. Good schools do manage this, but it does involve treating the child as an individual and not all schools manage this.

If your daughter finds change difficult again I think you need to take this up with the teacher. Good luck!

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charliecat · 10/07/2003 11:53

Erm, my dd was assessed in Nov last year and put on a list...we are still waiting.
I tried to get hold of the nice lady that assesed her and was told to make an appointment with my doctor who would then refer me on to her if it was needed so i gave up.
I know how to deal with her and make her life easier and less stresful so we get on with life like that. I doubt we will ever get a statement as she is 100% well behaved in school and it seems if its only me shes causing problems for and only her own mind that is being blown away with the stress then it doesnt matter to anyone else.
Her teacher knows all about this, but i didnt want to base last nights discusstion on something i have no proof of...except the nice assesment lady wrote on her report to treat her as if she does have apsergers..although noone has.
TBH i think because shes a loner the teacher has put her name on the bottom of the list and just thrown her in the other class to make the numbers up...as she has no "cant live without" friend, because the way she is, then it didnt matter to the teacher which clas she got put in.
These girls though, make such a fuss of her and she has only ever spoke of these if asked about school...so to my dd and me it is very important that shes kept with them.
Rambling again iam, but to continue i have made an appointment to speak to the head after my next talk with the teacher. Thats on Friday after school. Sports day today so everyones too busy to care it seems...grrrrrrr

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Jaybee · 10/07/2003 12:56

charliecat - I so understand your situation - mine was very similar this time last year - dd's Reception year was in three similar sized classes and they were all mixed up into two large and one small class for Y1. Dd was really happy in Reception and had a lovely group of girls that she got on well with - two of them being her particular 'best friends'. She was put into a class in Y1 with just four other girls and two boys from her previous class - the rest I did not really know - the four other girls from her Reception class were two sets of 'best friends' and her two best friends from Reception were in a different class. I was initially concerned but dd did not seem to really mind - just telling me that she would play with C and J and break times. I did speak with her Reception teacher just to work out why she was on her own and she said that it was felt that C relied on dd too much and they were trying to build up C's independence by separating them. My concerns were unfounded and she has made lots of new friends and she settled into Y1 as well if not better than Reception (she finds out today who she is with in Y2 so it could all start again!!).
Are the two classes very separate or do they get together for PE, music, dance etc. It may be that despite being in separate classes they will spend at least 50% of the time together. It may be that the school is trying to encourage your dd to make some new friends to prevent her relying on her four current ones - making new friends is a skill that all children need to learn so the earlier the better - what if any of the other four move away or you have to move - your dd will find it very hard making new friends if she has never had to. I am sure it will be fine and I think if I were in your shoes I would dwell on the positive side of this - maybe have a chat with her new teacher to explain your dd's difficulties to ensure that the new teacher helps her in any way she can. Good Luck!!

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charliecat · 12/07/2003 10:31

Ended up facing the headmaster and the teacher all at once and they just wouldnt back down. We just went round and round in circles, the headmaster actually had the girl who lives 2 doors down file in front of him as they must have just saw the address and gave him that so he was all informed about someone elses kid and didnt have a clue about mine! Laughing instead of crying i am.
But there did seem to be a glimmer of hope, i could see the headmaster could see my point and it was the school disco last night and id like to think he asked who my dd was and who she was dancing/sitting with...and it would have been the girls the teacher says my dd isnt such good friends with.
With only 5 days till the end of term its not looking good, but i have my fingers crossed.
Thank you to everyone for your storys of encouragement.

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