Left dd upset! Feel awful :(

[Angeliz]

It's dd's 3rd day at nursery.
She's 3.6 and just started nursery 9-1 in a big school. Today i think the novelty has worn off and she said she wasn't going. Obviously she had to as otherwise i'll be creating a rod for my own back and she won't go!!

The teachers were great really, after 15 minutes of settling her, one took her and said they'd play a game where they ran along and waved at every window. DD was saying she wanted to go home but not crying.
I really feel awful and cryed my eyes out in the car!!
The saddest thing was i said i was only going shopping and she said, "i'll come shopping mammy i don't mind"


Did yours adapt pretty quickly ??

[Angeliz]

BTW, it's the first r=time she's been at nursery or anything.
Till now she's been with me 24-7

[clairabelle]

I'm sure she will be fine it's awful though I know, it's my dd's first day at school and I was in floods, she was fine though dd used to do this at nursery but was always fine when I rang to check. I think as you say the novelty wears off slightly, when dd asked what I had done that day, I used to say just housework so she didn't think she was missing anything.

[hewlettsdaughter]

Hi, my ds (now 5) is like this. He used to cry when we left him with his childminder, and when he went to nursery, and last week when he started school. I know he enjoyed being with his childminder and nursery though, and that he will enjoy school. It's just that moment of separation that is difficult. You could always ring and ask the staff how she is now? I bet she's playing happily somewhere and has forgotten all about it (sympathies to you though!)

[Twiglett]

message withdrawn

[alexsmum]

oh angeliz we had this problem when ds was 3 and starting nursery.he used to cling to my legs and cry " please don't leave me,I want to be boring at home with you" ( because I'd said it was boring at home 'cos I was just doing jobs) and it was awful.And then it stopped and he used to be champing at the bit to get to nursery and didn't want to come home some days!!! It does get better I promise,but it feels awful right now doesn't it??
Just dropped ds off for his first day at proper school and he was great and happy.It's just me in tears!!!

[albert]

My DS was the same and it didn't stop until after Christmas of his first year but the carers were great and assured that it lasted only a few minutes and then he even reduced it to stopping crying once I was out of sight!! Eventually he loved the place so much he didn't want to come home - which actually made me feel even worse!!

[nikcola]

oh im sorry you feel so sad angeliz , my dd is starting nursery full time next week and im really worried aswell , but i bet you he had a fab time and stoped being upset 2 mins after you walked out the door xxxxx

[Angeliz]

Thanks everyone
Don't know what i'd do wothout mumsnet!

I rang and found out she was o.k early on.
I've just been to collect her (early today as she's home for lunch with cousings), and she was fine.
The teachers said she's been a little quiet today and needed a few cuddles but hasn't cryed. Then in the car dd was telling me a teacher took her to do a special big girls job!(paperwork). She said the teacher must have known she was very sad and was a very kind teacher. So it's good to get the feedback from dd too.

Nickola, hope your daughter has fun and is o.k, (you too- i have lots of free time now for mumsnet..i mean cleaning!!! )

Clairabelle, hope your dd is o.k too

Thanks for all posts+

[bakedpotato]

angeliz... hello again. it's good to know that a teacher took special care of her. also good that your dd can tell youhow she feels and what she did. i feel for you. i am sure something similar is in store for me, too...

my dd (2.10) started nursery yesterday, which seemed to go OK -- but the thing that's really struck me, winded me really, is that i'm now going to have to get used to not knowing how she is all the time. i'm used to getting fantastic feedback from our carer (or just hearing what she's up to: i work from home), and it's going to be so hard just being dependent on what she can tell me, and feedback from the (obviously busy and preoccupied) nursery staff.

aargh it is hard isn't it. it's awful when you can see them being brave, too.

[Angeliz]

thanks bakedpotato
Yes, dd is very articulate and amazes me sometimes , she seems so perceptive for a 3 year old!(or just able to express herself well)
I hope your daughter is o.k at nursery and hope you are too+++

No-one could prepare you for the feelings could they???

[bakedpotato]

no, it feel so new and weird. a bit like starting school yourself, hanging around, having to ask for help about where the loos are etc.

it was fine-ISH yesterday. i don't want to be neurotic, but there was one thing that was a bit disconcerting. i shadowed dd for an hour, and left her at the nursery school when she seemed to be involved in an activity with a nice 'teacher'.

came back to pick her up at going home time 2 hrs or so later. all staff told me how good/happy she had been. but dd said, 'I cried.' i mentioned this to a staff member, who said, 'oh yes, she cried a little when we had to come inside from the playground.' now, this didn't sound like my dd -- usually vv keen to get on to next thing. when i asked her why she'd cried, she said, 'I wanted my mummy.'

obv, they don't know her at all, and i'm sure they were just trying to make it easy for me, but it makes me wonder: is my toddler dd more reliable than the people i'm paying to look after her?

is it worth mentioning this v casually when we next go in for a session? just in terms of, don't bother about my feelings, if she has been a bit difficult/sad/naughty whatever, i'd really like to know about it?

i know they're all under a lot of pressure in there and i don't want to get marked down as 'nightmare fussy mum' but i'd rather feel that i really knew what was going on right from the start: i don't want a sanitised version.

i wish an experienced mum would tell me -- am i expecting too much?

[bakedpotato]

actually am going to start a new thread about this... stop cluttering yours up.

[Angeliz]

am thinking how you could word it!
I will get back to you on it but i DONT think they'll think you're obsessive. I wanted to know today if dd had cryed.

[SoupDragon]

It could be that she didn't tell them why she was crying and they linked it with havng to come in. If it was her first day, she may not have wanted to tell them.

Maybe go in tomorrow and say "DD told me that she cried yesterday because she was missing me. Can you keep an eye on her and let me know if it happens again - I'd like to know so I can reassure her."