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Education

How do you deal with your child being hurt constantly at school?

27 replies

kid · 16/10/2006 19:40

DS keeps coming home from school with cuts, marks and bruises. I know he is getting them from one particular child, (he has told me and so has the class teacher) and tbh, I am sick and tired of it. I want the school to do something about it. Do you think that is a reasonable request? I'm sure it is but I just don't know what they can do. They are both in Reception and the school are aware there is a problem with the other childs behaviour, but how serious are they waiting for it to get? DS is not the only child that gets hurt, but obviously its up to the other parents to do something about thier own child.
Any helpful suggestions or has anyone been through this?

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Report

Mumpbump · 16/10/2006 20:01

If the teacher is aware of the problem, speak to the school and ask them how they manage this sort of situation... Hopefully, they might be proactive about it!

kid · 16/10/2006 20:06

I did tell the class teacher that I am going to speak to the HT about it. There is a file kept on incidents this child is involved in. I just have a strong feeling that it will be brushed off as un-important, like the time when he cut DS's throat with a skipping rope

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miljee · 16/10/2006 20:06

Make an appointment to see the head teacher. Politely but firmly remind them that they have a duty of care towards your child. Ask exactly what steps are being taken to overcome this problem, what timeframe they are working within, what result they expect and ask what they intend doing if the other child continues to injure other children, exactly. The fact the childrens' teacher is aware of the problem and the identity of the culprit, yet nothing seems to have been done indicates that it's time for firmer action. If you are friendly with the parent of another child who is also getting injured, you might want to enlist their help. If you feel you haven't been taken seriously, write to the head teacher detailing your grievance and c.c. it to the board of governors. Bullying has no place in a modern school, especially at reception level. I wish you luck!

kid · 16/10/2006 20:11

Thank you for some excellent advice. I do get on with the other childrens parent, I will speak to them in the morning. The parent of the 'bully' child is completely unapproachable so I will leave the HT to deal with her.

(I work at the school)

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KBear · 16/10/2006 20:17

Kid, huge sympathies to you and your lovely boy. It's awful and has happened to DS in nursery in the past - same child. So far so good in reception (one incident but DS dealt with it quite bravely).

I would report every single incident to the Head if I were you and ask exactly what she/he intends to do. A bit awkward that you work there but you don't need to blow a fuse, you can ask quite reasonably what they intend to do about it and keep your job!

All the best.

mummy23 · 16/10/2006 20:26

I cant believe they have not done anything to that boy yet
He should have been kicked of the school when he put the skipping rope round C neck!

Your HT has to deal with this asap, and not just brush it under the carpet! And if she keeps putting you of, go to her boss and get them involved!
This child sounds like he is in need of some help! How can children that young leave cuts and bruises on C, he dont mark that easy, (i didn't think so anyway!)

Let me know if anything happens or not and i can find out more info about taking omplaints further if you want?

kid · 16/10/2006 20:33

I am intending on writing a letter to hand in tomorrow. The HT is busy doing secondary school transfers at the moment so I know she is busy but thats not a good enough excuse.
I'm sure I can find out what else I can do if nothing is done.

When DS gets hurt in a minor way (like pushed over) I don't make a fuss. Its when he comes home with cuts on his face or body that I am more concerned.

I won't tell you what DH said he should do to the other boy!

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kid · 16/10/2006 20:35

Would I not come across as neurotic if I report every single incident?
I suppose I could do a weekly diary for the HT so they can see why I am fed up with it.

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mummy23 · 16/10/2006 21:59

Well if you did keep track of the incidents in a diary form, and take it to her and she gives the excuse that she is busy with something or other then you can take it further with a record of things that have happened to C and this little boy.

Judy1234 · 16/10/2006 22:05

Have you taught him how to thump the other boy back extremely hard such that he'll never try it again?

nearlythree · 16/10/2006 22:07

Am very for you but also deeply concerned for the little boy in question. He sounds like he has real problems {esp. if his mother is as unapproachable as you say) - God knows what he sees at home if he is being so physically cruel at such a young age. I agree that you should keep a file of every incident and take photos of your ds's injuries as back up. Contact Kidscape for advice (you can Google their website). This boy needs to be stopped and helped o/wise what could he do when he is older?

kid · 16/10/2006 22:10

The problem with DS is that he is willing to hit bigger kids back, but doesn't hit kids in his own class or younger. He plays rough but will not willingly hurt them. He seems to be crying alot more lately when he does get hit. Before he would just brush it off and carry on playing. Thats what makes me believe this child is really hurting DS.

DH wants to teach DS some dirty tricks to hurt the other boy but I'd rather leave that as a last resort.

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nearlythree · 16/10/2006 22:17

Think my dh would feel the same as yours, kid. But that doesn't stop this boy, does it? He'll just move onto someone else.

As a school professional do you think the bully could be physically abused himself?

kid · 16/10/2006 22:21

Yes I do. I have voiced my concerns to the class teacher and told her what I have seen.

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Judy1234 · 16/10/2006 22:30

It won't stop him hitting other children but it certainly might stop him hurting your son. Boys have always stopped bullies by hitting them back hard. I'm not saying that's good and if it can be stopped by avoidance or better means, great. But none of my 5 have ever had this trouble in part because they probably have had to fight their siblings so much they are kind of trained up to get rid of anyone who tries anything on with them. I think get your husband to teach him some tricks. Of course the trouble with that is your son then might get into trouble. Not an easy situation at all.

Tortington · 16/10/2006 22:42

i'd mention the word solicitor and what the proverbial shit hit

nearlythree · 16/10/2006 22:44

What about the NSPCC, kid? Or is there some sort of child protection person in the school?

I'd definitely try Kidscape, they know far more than I do about these things.

What a horrible siuation all round.

Gobbledispook · 16/10/2006 22:49

God Kid, it sounds awful.

It does sound as if the 'bully' could be subject to some form of abuse himself and that, of course, needs to be considered and addressed.

However, your first concern is for your son and if I were you I'd be kicking up a serious stink.

Ds2 has just started nursery and has been slapped in teh face twice now by the same child and today, when I was in helping, the child shoved mine and shouted at him making him cry. He got over it fairly quickly and was Ok but I won't be standing back much longer I can tell you. This is how it starts and I'll be nipping it in the bud pronto.

Good luck to you.

TooTickyTheAppleBobber · 16/10/2006 22:52

Do make a huge fuss. My ds1 was bullied in reception - not as badly as yours - but we didn't even know for months, just thought he didn't like school. It has affected the way he feels about school a lot.

southeastastralplain · 16/10/2006 22:55

my ds(5) did go through a phase of hitting and biting at school. he is growing out of it now, it was awful. i just don't think jumping to conculsions about abuse etc would help matters at this stage.

Gobbledispook · 16/10/2006 22:55

Exactly - you just can't underestimate the impact it can have on their whole school career can you? I just wouldn't take the risk - I'd be in like a shot - particularly if there are clearly visible cuts and bruises

Gobbledispook · 16/10/2006 22:56

agree with you southeastastraplain - I wouldn't even get into that, I'd stick to the issue with my child - anything else is not really kid's business, whatever the suspicion.

kid · 16/10/2006 23:01

Just done a letter, will hand it in tomorrow.

(Do you ever worry that someone you know or work with uses MN?!)

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nearlythree · 16/10/2006 23:05

I know what you mean kid!

I know what you mean about kid needing to look after her ds. My fear is that this boy's behaviour seems so nasty, and kid is concerned about his mother too - it sounds like more than the ususal hitting/biting. It's scarey to think what he could do when he is bigger unless he gets help now.

Anyway, hope you get this sorted, kid. Good luck with the letter.

kid · 16/10/2006 23:06

DS doesn't mind going to school, he isn't afraid of this child but I don't see why he should get hurt at school and come home with cuts and bruises. We asked DS how did he feel when X hit him today, he said that he felt brave.

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