Does every child go to a nusery before they start school?

[housearrest]

Hello

Am a bit unsure of this is the right place to post this so may well post elsewhere too!

I have a lovely 3yr old ds. We're fortunate to live in a decent area and he's just been given a place in a great school nearby (state, he goes into the nursery and then hopefully reception)-starting in Jan 07.

I'm a sahm and we do alot during the week, see friends, family, trips out etc and he has many opportunities to spend time with other children and gets on well.
Many people have asked me "when does he start nursery?" (and they mean private nursery/sessional care) and tbh I hadn't really thought he would until he started school.

Now I'm wondering whether it would be better for him to go to a nursery before he starts at the nursery school-be grateful for any feedback on this. Did your children go? Or did yours go straight into nursery school?

TIA

[LIZS]

How old will he be when he starts in January ? It sounds as if he wouldn't necessarily benefit from much more in the meantime unless you particularly want a few hours break in which case a playgroup or preschool may fit the bill (for which you'd get LEA "free" sessions). You may struggle to find a space for the autumn term only now anyway so personally I'd just leave it until January.

[PrettyCandles]

As long as he has been looked after by people other than you, so is used to the separation and won't get scared by it, he should be fine. From what I've seen, it can be very tough on children who start nursery without ever having been away from Mummy for more than a few minutes. As to the socialisation aspects, well that's what nursery is for. He'll learn school behaviour there. Were he not to go to nursery at all, then he might well be disadvantaged when he started school, but now I'm sure he'll be fine.

I started my two at part-time nursery at 2yo, because I felt they were ready - and I needed the break too. But when we moved out of London, most nurseries here only take children from 2.5y, and some even only from 3y, so it's not at all unusual here for children not to start nursery until age 3.

[Tommy]

my DS1 started nursery (i.e. pre school) at 3 and hadn't had any day care before. DS2 starts nursery in Sept - he hasn't had any day care either. DS1 is fine. I assume DS2 will be

[housearrest]

bump

[sparklemagic]

house, I think no problem! I kept my DS at home with me until he was three - he was 3 in the August and started pre-school in the September. He will start reception this September.

I think nursery/pre-school is a valuable preparation for the group situation, and for learning to separate from you so it is probably worth it for him but I certainly think going straight into the nursery school should be fine - it's there to prepare him for reception so I think that's enough - no need to prepare him for nursery as well, it should be a gentle enough introduction if you see what I mean.

Personally I felt strongly that one way to make my DS self confident was to keep him at home until he was three. Indeed he was well able to separate (not without tears but not the hours of upset that some people describe).

Steve Biddulph in 'Raising Boys' has really interesting stuff to say on this, saying that boys in particular thrive when they spend their first three years at home with a parent or someone to whom they are central and who loves them! So I think rest assured you are doing the best thing for your DS. I believe that by being with you till nursery school you will give him a solid grounding of confidence, to see him through the challenges....

hth!

[Medulla]

My DD went straight to Pre School and had no problems fitting in. However the only reason I'm sending her to Pre-School is because I think she will be disadvantaged if she doesn't. I would love to keep her off until she needs to start school but I think she will be too far behind and I don't have the skills to teach her myself. I thought reception was there to prepare them for school.

[juuule]

As has been said before, he will learn school behaviour and routine there, particularly if it's a nursery attached to the school he is going to. However, I would have thought that he would settle into this during the first term of reception anyway.

[hulababy]

DD has been in private nursery since being a baby - 2 days a week because I work. This was upped to 2.5 days at her choice this past year - she was 3 at the time. DD starts school in September and she is more than ready - no idea if nursery has made a difference though. She loves nursery however. But we do see other children outside of nursery too. We no longer do other activities on our days off though as we just couldn't fit everything in sensibly. I do occasionally not send he rin if we have days out planned though.

DD's school does not have a nursery or pre school attached and she will not no any one when she starts. So in that sense nursery for us is not helpful.

[housearrest]

Thanks for all the feedback

Tbh I was expecting it to be far more negative and I'm delighted to get such positive feedback!

sparkle-I too have read Steve Biddulph and thought that most of what he has to say makes perfect sense.
I am not anti-nursery/childcare but I also wanted to be sure, as much as any of as can, that I wasn't somehow affecting my son adversely by waiting until he starts his pre-school.

Thanks again, your posts have really helped.

[FrannyandZooey]

"I don't have the skills to teach her myself."

This makes me so sad. Of course you have the skills, you are a functioning, literate adult human being. You have every skill you need to prepare your child for life.

I am really, really depressed that you think otherwise

(in my previous life I was a nanny / nursery worker btw and I think the parents are absolutely by far the best people to teach their children)

[Astrophe]

IMHO I think its absolutely fine to keep your child at home until they are 5! Of course, you need to give them lots to keep them busy and to stimulate their busy minds, but it sounds like you do plenty of that anyway.

I don't think there is any nessesity to send kids to be cared for by other people (unless for work reasons/need a break etc), parents are the best for their kids.

My 2 year old dd goes for one morning a week as I need some time with my newborn, but if I had the time and energy to entertain her I think she would be just fine at home with me until she starts school.

[alexsmum]

just a quick hijack.my son will be 3 in august(end of ) and will start pre-school in september.he will then be expected to start real school the following september when he is just 4 y/o.i am really keen to keep him back to the following year when he will be just 5, which is when he would have strted if he'd been born 2 weeks later! anybody done this?

[housearrest]

Thank you again so much.
I have been turning this question round in my mind for so long that I was beginning to muddy the waters iyswim!

I think I'll continue to trust my instincts with ds and continue as we are

xx

[Astrophe]

Alexmum, I don't know much about the schools system here. In Australia my DD would start school at 5y 8 months, here she would start at 4 years 2 months, which, IMHO is way too early. If we are still here when she starts school (shes 2 now) I might home school her if I can't keep her out another year.

[alexsmum]

absolutely it's too young! he will be 4years and 2 weeks.crazy.

[Astrophe]

Are you allowed to keep them back here though? I've heard its fairly inflexible, unless you have a school that has multiple intakes each year (but that sounds like a bad idea to me...bringing in extra kids half way through the year...very unsettling for everyone I imagine)

What will you do Alexmum? Home school? Or will they let you keep him out to play and just be a kid?

[Kaz33]

alexsmum - my ds1 also alex started school when he was 4 and 3 weeks. We are just coming to the end of the year, it has been hard work for him mostly physically and concentrating. But on the other hand the boy over the road who was 5 in september so nearly a year older than him, although much stronger physically had a lot more problems dealing with the seperation and settling in.

So its swings and roundabouts - what i have tried to remember is that he is only 4, not to expect to much and not to get to caught up in the playdates as he is always exhausted by the end of the week.

[titchy]

Alexmum - you don't have to send any chid tp school until the term after their 5th birthday, so well within your rights to send him a year later. However he wuold thenn join his age goup class, so would go straight into yr1 rather than into Reception. It might be difficult for him to join an established group of children who have been together for a year. On the other hand he may well be fine.

But give it a while before you decide - they can grow up a lot in a year!

[Astrophe]

Good points Kaz, obviously would depend on the child, and I'm sure most kids cope with whatever is thrown their way

(But I'm still holding mine back)

[Astrophe]

I can't believe they have to miss reception if they start later!!!! what a bizarre system!

[Orinoco]

Message withdrawn

[titchy]

Basically I think it's a funding thing. The primary only gets funding till the school year the child is 11 in, so keeping a child back a year means they would have to go to secondary school a year ealier than others in their class as there'd be no money to pay the school with!

I do think though that very few children have problems starting school at just 4. Maybe a bit tired at the end of the day, but it's not like they do majorly serious work in reception - more an extension of what they do in nursery - only more of it! Often school stagger intakes so the youngest start after christmas, or maybe even Easter, or do one or two terms of half days. It varies from school to school but might be worht finding out.

[Astrophe]

Orinoco, can't speak for Alexmum, but I want to hold mine back not because I think they would struggle (I don't think she would, as shes very verbal and sociable, although you never know) but because I think children learn so much being at home, and have so many wonderful experiences when allowed to just play and be kids. Plenty of time for school later IMHO.

[juuule]

Opening yoghurts! Getting dressed and undressed? Don't they do these things at home anyway??

[FrannyandZooey]

Blimey, well, if I'd known they were going to teach him how to open yoghurts, I would have sent ds years ago. Were these the special skills you were thinking of, Medulla?