Should we move our son to another school - help appreciated.

[Year0]

We moved to England this year and put our 7 yr old son in an independent school as we were renting and couldn't anticipate our catchment area. He was previously happy, confident and top of his (state school) class. We just had a parents' evening and his teacher says he is either lazy or so anxious/nervous that he is producing very little. He seems to be near the bottom of the class. He is one of the youngest in his class. He is definitely sufferring from lack of confidence.
We have now bought a house near a good state school. I want to look at moving him but my husband says another move may make things worse. What do people think we should do? How do you start making a big decision like this? My gut says that the virtue of endurance is over-rated. Any help at all very much appreciated. thank you

[Rhiannon]

Year0, is it because the children in the Independent school are working at a faster rate and getting better results than the state school? I recently read that removing a child from school at a young age is academically damaging to them. I would try to find out the problem working closely with the teachers, do you have parents evening soon?

[Tigermoth]

I am in a slightly similar boat to you. Our 7 year old son may be moving schools again - if so it will be his third. Like you a house move prompted one move. The next move, if it happens, will be due to my concerns that his current school cannot meet his needs.

You probably do this anyway but I think you need to talk to your son about his school day, each day, to get to know of any small issues that are sapping his confidence. Has he made friends? can you invite any of them back for tea? can you offer to help in class or go on school trips to get a greater feel for the children and adults who spend the day with your son?

I am surprised his teacher did not offer you any possible reasons for his anxiety, especially as he must have had a good report from his previous school. Is it worth talking to her again?

Also - and again this may be teaching you to suck eggs, have you looked at the offstead reports for you son's current school?

As for moving him, I think you should investigate the good state school and others. If the school is very good it may be oversubscribed so you will be on the waiting list. We have our son's name on several school waiting lists. We are trying not to lose faith in his current school. I don't want my son to feel I am not committed to it - I'm sure that will demotivate him. However we want to keep our options open. If we are offered a place (there is a possible vacancy coming up at the school we most want him to attend) we will cross that bridge when we come to it and make a final decision. Our problem is that our son likes his classmates and doesn't want to lose his friends. To help him make another move, he belongs to a Beaver troupe held at the other school, so he knows many of his potential future class mates already. If you are unsure about moving your son to the good state school, could you enrol your son in any-out-of school activities attended by pupils at the school?

It's difficult, isn't it? hope this helps!

[Year0]

Tigermoth, it sounds very familiar. His new school is competitive and his classmates are in their 4th year of education - he is only in his third, coming from a different system. He is OK socially but unhappy at being the slowest kid in the class at writing things down, which makes him 'produce very little' as they put it. He had to learn joined-up writing when he started, and he can only do it slowly. Perhaps we should address this specifically.
What's the core issue for me is - is it better to be well down a supercharged class and always feel a bit squashed, or to be higher up in a more 'ordinary' class and have more confidence although you may not get the last SAT point squeezed out of you.
He already knows kids at the local school which has a waiting list of 3; I think I'll put him down for it just in case.
Thanks very much - it does help.

[Tigermoth]

YearO, I think it's a really good idea to address your son's writing problem - poor him, having to master joined up writing so quickly. My son's weakest link is writing and the general presentation of his work. He finds it such a bind to get things down on paper. I did think that the more he drew pictures the better his writing would be. Not so, I'm afraid. He has homework, now, at weekends and we try to spend time on writing then. No huge success so far - still onwards and upwards! It must be really daunting for your son to have to catch up a whole school year. Have you considered some extra private tuition?

I really don't know if it's better to be a big fish in a small pond, or a small fish in a big pond. I guess if he's in a class with lots of older, high achievers, it could spur him on, especially if he is able himself (you say he did well at his old school). I would say a lot depends on his teacher's attitude. If she tends to only recognise and praise good results in the three Rs, it might be counter productive. Does she praise good behaviour as well, and non-academic achievments? Perhaps you will get a clearer idea of this the more you get to know the school.

I take it this is your son's first term at his school. It's not that long to make such a big adjustment. It sounds like you need to keep a very, very, close eye on things for now, give your son extra support so he can catch up, and investigate other school options. Lastly, to boost his confidence, can you enrol him in a fun, out-of-school activity like tiakwando? learning a musical instrumet? etc - something you think he'll enjoy and be good at.

[Robinw]

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[Tigermoth]

YearO, if you're there, just thought I'd let you know that my son started his new school this morning.

We were offered the place just a week ago and, although on balance I felt we had to say yes to the offer, it has been a very hard decision to live with so far. Harder than I anticipated. Taking my son away from his classmates and teachers was not easy. I have woken up at night worrying about it all.

I feel that this decision marks the first time I have really meddled in my son's life, making an executive decision 'for his own good'. My son senses this too - we had a rather rocky weekend. He feels very up and down about the move, even though he is looking forward to being with his Beaver friends at his new school.

If you would me to tell you how things are going, just post a message here.

[Ems]

Tigermoth, I hope your sons first day went well. We made the decision a year ago to change our sons school. We are very glad we did. It took a while for him to settle, but when we look back we definitely feel it was the right thing to do.

[Tigermoth]

Thanks, Ems, for the encouraging words.

[Suedonim]

Tigermoth, I hope you'll come back and tell us how your little boy is getting on. Good luck.

[Robinw]

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[Tigermoth]

Robin and Suedomin, don't worry - I guarantee that this is not the last you'll hear about my son and his school! I promise I'll really try hard not to bore you all.

And if we encounter problems (most at least, some are best kept one to one), and I need questions answered, do you think for a minute that I would not post here for advice?

[Suedonim]

Aw, that's so sweet, Tigermoth. I hope there are no more problems for you, though!

[Year0]

Tigermoth, hope things go well. I have our son down on the waiting list fo rthe local school and will just decide at the time. I think he would be fine at either school but it is very reassuring to hear all these experiences and I have followed several ideas.