When is bullying - bullying?

[unicorn]

Another addition to the growing number of education threads (can't you just tell it's September!)

I know it's been done before (in fact by me last September I think!)but nice to hear some more opinions.

DD (yr2) is being 'bothered' by some of the lads in her class (one playing rough, another winding her up, and upsetting her a lot)- now I know it is in the nature of children to 'play' in many different ways... but when would you use the term bullying?

[unicorn]

anyone?
Or are we all zzzzzzzz on anymore education 'issues'?

[unicorn]

ta batters, I never know if I'm over reacting.

I am also very windupable (?!) and was brought up amongst bullying siblings - who made me feel as though I were in the wrong.

Don't want it to happen to dd.
Am planning to send a note in to the teacher tomorrow.

[Mum2girls]

I think if it continues, i.e. is not a one-off situation, isn't done to everyone else and it upsets them, then it's bullying, albeit mild (maybe).

[soapbox]

The school 'rule' in my DD's school re bullying is 'no one is allowed to make me feel bad, through inappropriate behavour'.

On that basis I would say it is definitely bullying!

[joanna4]

Also have you thought if you dont get it nipped in the bud it could turn more physical or as bad the situation were the bullied becomes the bully -believe me you really dont want that happening.

[Rarrie]

I always think if its not 50/50 thereabouts, then it should be considered as to whether it is bullying.

It can be difficult as kids can scream bullying at all things - like I had a girl in my tutor group once who claimed she ws being bullied because another girl had invited everyone to her birthday party except her. When I pointed out she had only recently done the exact same thing to the other girl, she couldn't accept 'what goes around...' etc and was adamant she was being bullied. I didn't think it was because the anatagonism was from both.

However, if the disagreement becomes heavily one sided, i.e. one child always picking on the other and not back, or more than one child picking on another, that's when I start to get concerned and would think about intervening.

But these are just my thoughts!

[Caligula]

I think children's bullying is probably nearly always to be treated the same way as grown-up harassment.

IE if the victim feels it is a problem, then it is a problem and should be considered and treated as such.

Which isn't to say that you always need to follow full-blown anti-bullying procedures (sometimes that might not be the most appropriate method of dealing with it), but it should most definitely be taken seriously and addressed in whatever way is most effective.

[Freckle]

My definition of bullying is where one party (be that an individual or a group) has power over another party. That power can take the form of physical harrasment, or emotional goading, but the power element comes in when it has a detrimental effect on the recipient party and the perpetrator continues to do it knowing this. Sorry, that's a bit convoluted, but IKWIM, hope you do too.

What you describe doesn't sound like bullying to me, but has the potential to become that. It needs to be nipped in the bud and the children affecting your dd need to be told of the effect their actions are having. I would have a word with dd's teacher.

[unicorn]

thanks all,
I wrote the teacher a letter, and she has had 'a word' with the boys.
I think it was/is important to show my dd that I am listening, and do care... even though I didn't know all the story IYKWIM.

Interesting ideas on bullying from everyone though.