Part Time Bulimic

[Ihearthearts]

In my head I joke to myself that I'm just a part time bulimic. I've never told anyone before and no one would suspect because I'm not underweight. So why do I do it? I just can't understand why. And because I wouldn't dare tell a soul in real life, I don't really know how to get help. I really won't tell anyone so it would be useless for anyone to say to me go to your GP.

It's not like I can particularly link it to stress/depression/anxiety. I've suffered all those things, but who hasn't. It just flares up now and again, and has done for decades.

When I go shopping I know when I'm buying certain foods that they are the ones I will see in the toilet bowl a few hours later. And even if I try really hard, the urge is so strong, I simply cannot stop myself.

Sometimes even while I'm in the middle of purging, I am thinking what can I eat/purge next? And plan the next thing (usually a cycle of sweet-salty-sweet etc.)

And then I can go weeks without even thinking about it. But I'm never cured. It always comes back.

Is there anyone at all who can relate to this?

[Patheticfallacy]

Yes I'm also occasionally bulimic, though it is v v sporadic now. I used to have full blown bulimia, so I just see this as residual from that really. For me it is linked to anxiety though.

[iamtheurbanspacemanbaby]

I have been a part time bulimic for almost 20 years and pretty much always been overweight. Mine is certainly linked to stress and anxiety though but it goes away for long periods.

[Ihearthearts]

Iam - have you ever tried to get help? Or because it's sporadic do you not see it as a major problem?
It's only when it gets really bad (like this week, every night so far, at least twice in a row) do I think right: now I really do need to get help. And then it stops for a bit so I forget about it.

[iamtheurbanspacemanbaby]

I've never tried to get help. I know it's a problem but my anxiety makes it really hard to ask for help because I'm scared. I've only just spoken to the doc about my anxiety and I've had it for years. I wouldn't take medication though, they've put me on an online cbt course.

[Ihearthearts]

Does anyone know in RL? Do you think the CBT will help in any way? Sorry if too many questions.
I've had CBT too (for other reasons) but I guess it's all interrelated. Low self esteem in general, in my case, is the main issue, but again, no one would believe me as I appear outwardly confident. Can of worms...

[DementedUnicorn]

I was like this. I went to therapy and even though I never discussed the bulimia, working through the issues I had from an abusive childhood helped massively. I also used a book called Bulimia: A Guide To Recovery by Lindsay Hall.

I'm not saying these cured it but they did improve it to the point that I was only purging during massive stress- probably once or twice a year. I have a really supportive partner now and haven't had any incidences since we moved in together

Take care of yourself

[DementedUnicorn]

Oh and I had psychoanalytic therapy. Personally, I think that it would be a lot more effective than CBT

[Ihearthearts]

Thanks Demented. I'll look up that book. Good to have a pointer. I don't have anything like that in my past. Although I was a pudgy kid (fluctuated) and I always wondered why my parents allowed that to happen. I'm just coming out of an emotionally abusive relationship and so I'm thinking about things a lot more as to why I've behaved the way I have - and still do.

[Ihearthearts]

Sorry Pathetic, didn't mean to not acknowledge your reply. Wonder what constitutes full on bulimia to what I see as just part time bulimia. Glad to hear you've dealt with it though and that it has reduced.