Has anyone ever felt like just giving up?

[blameitonthecaffeine]

My DD1 will be 16 in July. She has been anorexic since she was 11. She has been in specialist inpatient units twice, once when she was 12 and once when she was 13/14. She had a really positive Y10 and first term of Y11. I dared to hope that it was all in the past.

Last week my 14 year old DD2 came to me crying. Her friend's sister had told her that DD1 throws up her lunch in the toilets at school. I told DD2 it sounded like a silly rumour. It isn't. I followed DD1 at home, listened to her purging in the bathroom and confronted her. I really looked at my daughter for the first time in a while. Her weight is down. She looks exhausted. Her upper arms are cut to pieces. I would love to say it is GCSE stress but, even if that is the cause, it makes no difference - after a massive hysterical screaming, sobbing scene over dinner last night I've got to admit she has relapsed yet again. We are back to the doctors this week.

I don't know how to go through all this again. I have 6 other children. My twins are only 11 months old. DD2 is so so close to DD1 and isn't coping with this. DD3 has problems with anxiety and OCD. She wet her bed last night. She's 11! I don't want my other children to suffer. They need my time and attention too and they need to feel happy and relaxed at home. But I can't give up on my DD1 either.

I'm not giving up. Not really. I just wanted to vent I suppose.

[Montegomongoose]

I feel your pain. You must be so worried. Is there someone supporting you? How much were sxhool involved before? Not much help, just wanted you to know you're not alone.

[blameitonthecaffeine]

Thanks Monte Yes, we are very lucky with support. I have a wonderful husband, all our parents live locally and both we and DD have very strong friendship networks through church, hobbies and school/work. The girls' school is very good. DDs 1,2 and 3 all see the school counsellor and DD1 has a care plan. She's on exam leave now though and won't be there much at all until September now. I can trust school with the younger girls though.

Thank you for replying. It helps when you can't sleep and don't want to wake anyone with morbid moaning!

[Montegomongoose]

Hope things a little less overwhelming today. You must feel sick at the thought of climbing that mountain again. Please feel free to PM me if you need an ear. I went through something similar a few years ago now and I know how important it is to get things off your chest, preferably to complete strangers!

Best of luck and really hope things are ok for you all.

[blameitonthecaffeine]

Thanks again Monte . Yes, today has been calmer. A wonderful friend came and watched the other children for me this afternoon and DD1 and I went out for coffee. I know that she doesn't want to slip back to square 1 either nor does she want to end up back in a unit. I just hope and pray she'll work with me and the doctor to keep her with us this time.

She's out at dance classes at the moment. I doubt it was the best thing to do to let her go but dance is what she lives for and it was a bargaining tool to get dinner into her. She let me weigh her this morning and, although she's too low, she isn't at a dangerous weight at the moment. And now I know what's going on I can do something if she loses any more.

So yes, it's been a horrendous couple of days but it's better to know the situation than have her deceiving us and struggling alone.