Have leant STBXH money, can I get him to pay it back?

[GinBunny]

I don't know whether to post this here or in Legal Advice, perhaps I will post there in the morning.
So, as I have posted on here lots recently STBXH admitted to an affair 4 weeks ago and I threw him out. When DF died, I inherited some money and some of this was put down as a deposit on our house and a Buy to Let deposit on the flat we were living in then which we rented out. I'm going to be moving back in there when we sell the house. But, to get a better mortgage deal I also paid off his loan and credit card - verbally agreed as a loan but nothing in writing and he has never paid a penny back. We're talking about £40,000 from my inheritance.
He has said he will pay it all back when the house is sold. But legally, I don't think he has to does he? We have both taken advice from solicitors (free 30 min consultation), mine has said you start at 50/50 and negotiate, his has said as it was used for "joint" reasons it is deemed "joint" money and he doesn't have to pay it back.
Does anyone know where I stand? I feel sick at the thought that I might lose this money as I desperately need it when I am living on my own. As I said, he says he will pay it back but how can I trust him to do the right thing when he has left me for OW with all the lies that that involves?

[GinBunny]

Bump...

[PatrolPaw]

Could you perhaps send him an email with the details of the 'loan' and then have a conversation which proves he will pay you back put of the house sale? At least you would then have something in writing

[MrsBertBibby]

When and how were these debts incurred?

[GinBunny]

I have emailed him today asking for confirmation in writing.
His debts built up from using his credit card for stuff and he took a loan out to do a course.

[MrsBertBibby]

The reality is if they were incurred during your relationship, they are family debts. You paid them off in order to gain a benefit (better mortgage).

Both solicitors are right, I'm afraid.

[GinBunny]

Thank you Bert. Not what I wanted to hear, but what I thought.

[rememberthetime]

YOu could try and recoup some of that money through the house sale. if you have primary care of the children, if you earn less and if your earning potential has been affected by your child caring or time off work, then you may be entitled to more of the sale - according to online calculators i am entitled to 60%. Also get half his pension. there are plenty of legal opportunities to increase your share of the equity.

This might help.

[GinBunny]

This is the problem... I have savings and a pension, he doesn't and I am the highest wage earner. No DC. I'm screwed aren't I?

[rememberthetime]

Put those savings to good use and have the best legal representation you can. if he can't afford to fight you, he may accept a counter offer. Good luck.

Sometimes it is just best to write these things off and move on. it will eat you up otherwise. yes, he has done an awful thing and you have every rght to be incredibly angry. But if he was leaving because he was unhappy, or because you met someone else or because you both deiced it was best and it was amicable - the result would be the same. From a legal standpoint, what he has done is not important.

Just try to think of it a legal transaction that unfortunately will cost you money. According to the law it is fair - I know that emotionally it is not.