Another what's your thoughts on financial settlement?

[0palfruit]

BACKGROUND

Hi, I left my career to be a sahm 10 yrs ago as agreed with DH as he has a very stressful career which means he can be working away or called any time of day/night. I didnnot work for 7years Me being at home looking after kids and arranging everything from his car tax to decorating has allowed him to continue building his career (imo).

I started work part time (much lower pay than my job before kids) once kids at school.

My earnings 9k (however I am on a temporary contract) i work school hours to fit in with the children.

His earnings 40k expected to increase to 50k in the next yr. He has the opportunity to further his career even more in the future.

House has 100k equity. Still 13yr mortgage remain.

It is my opinion that where we live he would be able to get a mortgage, albeit on a much smaller property whilst still paying me CM of £600. (He currently pays ALL my bills and does not pay any rent where he is atm)

MY PROPOSAL
I propose that he hand the house over to me and then pay CM only until the kids are out of education or age 21 whichever is first.

I realise that thus is alot for him to just hand over. Any suggestions on me maybe paying him out (how much?) welcome. I would not be able to pay lump sum straightaway though. I do not want to sell my house now or any time in the future.

I would not ask any spousal maintenance or claim on pension.

I would be starting divorce proceedings however it was he who left me.

Thanks for reading! Any comments welcome about what to expect....Please not the you are being greedy/selfish comments they are unnecessary.

[caroldecker]

All the equity and £600 a month seems high. On £52k a year, he would pay about £130 a week for 2 children. It may depend on the value of his pension - if that is c£100k then it may be fair. Are you going to take on the mortgage?

[CoolforKittyCats]

I do not want to sell my house now or any time in the future.

How are you going to pay the mortgage on £9k plus all your bills. He would not be expected to continue to pay your bills.

[0palfruit]

Hi thanks for your comments. I have worked out that with tax credits and CM I would be able to afford the mortgage by myself.

Mortgage is 500.per month. Alternatively I can extend the mortgage maybe add another 5 yrs back on?

How much do you think I should 'pay him out?' For my house?

He has been paying ALL he bills since leaving 2 yrs ago. He does not want a divorce he just likes living seperately and visiting a couple time a week! He brings his washing here! (Sorry to sidetrack a little).

[Colchestergal]

Please seek proper legal advice. abd do NOT agree to anything nor sign anything until you do. Good luck

[sooperdooper]

I don't think extending the mortgage would work if you earn £9k because they'd only take that into account - if your current set up has worked for 2 years why are you looking to change it now? Has something changed?

[0palfruit]

Hi sooper drooper thank you for your reply. My ex seems to be changeable in his attitude towards me. At the moment he seems to think we can carry on like this. However for all I know in 6mths or even 6yrs he could try and sell the house. At that point I would owe him even more equity than I do now and struggle even more to pay him out or afford to buy my own home.

My opinion is that we would both be better off financially. He could save what he would no longer be paying me and have a decent deposit in a couple of yrs if he stays at his mates rent free. He seems to have been happy there this long.

[sooperdooper]

If he's not been paying his mate any rent for two whole years that might well be coming to a head, surely he can't continue to live there on that basis indefinitely?

I think you need proper legal advice tbh

[CoolforKittyCats]

Can't see you being able to remortgage on 9k nor can I see his friend allowing him to continue living rent free.

You have to be able to pay ALL bills yourself.

[Dungandbother]

You need to know his pension value.
I'd say you would get 65% of assets, so put the whole lot in a pot and see where you get to. Including cars and debts.

I have done as you suggest, tax credits, maintenance and child benefit along with my part time income for my own mortgage. It wasn't straight forward as many lenders were not interested in me. Also, you need the child maintenance to either be court ordered OR proof it has been paid for over two years. Even then, even with a loan to value of 20% (ie shit loads of equity) I could only get mortgage offers of poorer deals from high street, none of the great rates building soc would touch me.

If he is still paying direct debits rather than giving you a chunk of money every month then you can't prove maintenance and getting a mortgage is gonna be tough.

Seems you're amicable with him, do some budget sheets and sit down with him.

[Dungandbother]

And childcare costs - if you have them - seriously screw mortgage applications.

[sooperdooper]

Just spotted your contract is temporary too, that's going to make getting a morgage much more difficult too - sorry to sound negative but I don't think you'll have much luck getting a mortgage on your own

[0palfruit]

Thanks Yes I know it might be impossible getting my own mortgage 😕. It's seems so unfair that I may eventually (when kids are 18) loose my home as I have given up a career for the children.

I was honking of asking my parents to be guarantors. That may help my situation?

Yes we are talking and everything as far as he is concerned is fine. But I would like the 'clean break' option. I feel like I am a single mum on a day to day basis yet I am married and still dependant financially. My ex says he doesn't want his own house or another relationship. ...yet he doesn't want to sign he house over to me 'in case I piss him off in the future!' His words!

[0palfruit]

Honking? 😃thinnking of course!

[millymollymoomoo]

How old are you and the children (you don't need to answer here BTW!). Courts will expect you to look to increase your earnings and your husband's salary is not considered huge. He needs to be able to house himself appropriately too and have the children over and court will award him a fair share ( fair is difficult to tell but possibly somewhere about 30/40%)
Everyone is different but in my sister's case which seems v similar to yours ( married 10 years, 2 primary aged children, part time earner etc) she was awarded a mesher order with 70% ownership (30% payable to ex when youngest 18 or remarried) no spousal and had to go back to work full time to pay mortgage and bills to be self sufficient. No pensions either side.She was 34 at time and court considered that young enough to build up career and earnings etc. The mesher proved a pita and she wished she didn't go that route now. Her dh left her for ow.

You need to understand pension situation to see if any trade/offset possible but also think about ways to increase your own income.

Everyone's case is different but he won't be expected to walk away with nothing. And stop doing his washing!

[CoolforKittyCats]

It's seems so unfair that I may eventually (when kids are 18) loose my home as I have given up a career for the children

In reverse it may seem very unfair that you are expecting your ex to walk away with nothing.

You have to work out how you can pay all the bills alone. Have you actually worked out if you can?

[0palfruit]

Thanks for the advice everyone. Feeling rather negative about everything right now. Failed marriage has been awful enough, the heart break made me so ill. I've finally got to a place where I can think about independence but it seems so unfair.

Sorry to side Track I know the fact is I'm going to struggle to be self sufficient working part time but it is soo unfair when we agreed as a couple our children would be brought up in an environment where i could do school runs and not have to rely on childcare in school holidays.

The Fact is that although many mums work andlook after their kids it is bloody hard work fitting Everything in. The dad's (sorry to generalise and seem sexist) get to pick them up for some fun at the weekend while we are left with he homework the running to clubs the shool uniforms packed lunches trips dress up day play dates birthday parties the list goes on. Sorry rant over

Thanks for replies ill speak to a solicitor.

[Dungandbother]

I feel your pain so know you're not alone.
and

[0palfruit]

Thank you Dungandbother, going to pour myself that 🍷right now. 😊

[millymollymoomoo]

sorry you feel so low. It is hard when you built your life on one set of expectations and that changes.

HAve you seen a solicitor yet? You really need legal advice. COurts will generally seek a clean break order but when that can't be achieved will put in place spousal maint even if its a nominal £1 a year to keep the door open for future claims if circumstances materially change.

You really must get a correct view of pension - you may be able to use that to offset the equity or v large sum of it so it is imperative you have that. Any solicitor worth anything will insist on this.

Have you looked at what income you would have on your salary plus maintenance (on current £40k a year assuming he has the children 1 or 2 nights a week) would give you £455 a month maintenance) plus any benefits?

Unfortunately the harsh reality for many couples that split is a decline in both living standards. While you ex salary will seem high to you, its actually only about £2500 a month take home BEFORE child maintenance and any pension contribution - he will then have to pay rent/mortgate/find deposit etc which will also be tough. You might actually be surpised to find that with your part time earnings, plus working tax credit (and other benefits you might be able to claim) as well as cm based on 450 pr month that your incomes monthly are not too dissimilar and you would (most likely) receive much higher share of assets.

Speak to a solicitor and take it from there, and good luck