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Here you'll find divorce help and support from other Mners. For legal advice, you may find Advice Now guides useful.

Divorce/separation

divorce

12 replies

fallenangel14 · 08/10/2015 17:44

What are the advantages or disadvantages re being the one who starts the divorce process versus the respondent?

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TooSaasy · 08/10/2015 19:39

As the petitioner, you control the timeline (although they obviously need to sign and return their form). In my case that was the huge advantage and why I pressed on when I got threatened with a cross petition. I wanted to control the timeline.

Legally I was told it made no other difference in the financials etc

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fallenangel14 · 09/10/2015 06:28

Thanks. Useful info as someone told me that the petitioner pays the costs of both solicitors

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TooSaasy · 09/10/2015 07:44

Goodness no.

The other party doesn't even have to have a solicitor.

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Savagebeauty · 09/10/2015 07:46

I was the respondent even though I initiated the divorce conversation
Makes no difference. Except you can laugh hysterically at the reasons given.

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fallenangel14 · 09/10/2015 09:38

Am totally confused. How can you be the respondent if you initiate it?

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DivorceAlchemist · 09/10/2015 10:35

The Petitioner is the person who starts the process and initially 'controls' the process but it's easy for the power balance to move throughout the process. Initially the petitioner will pay the costs. However, it's possible to ask the court to order the respondent to pay. What is far more common is an agreement for each to pay their own costs but it depends on each case. If you possibly can, agree between you who will apply, the grounds on which you will apply and the facts in support. If you can agree these before application, it will save you both a fortune. It will also save upset if you agree the facts. Disagreeing facts is expensive. It rarely changes anything but causes delay. Don't get hung up on this. The court isn't in the business of judging you it get needs to be satisfied there are legal grounds to divorce. Cross petitioning is also expensive. If you both agree the relationship is over, don't bother!

Good luck!

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Savagebeauty · 09/10/2015 13:06

fallen sorry...I said I wanted the divorce. But he applied first on the grounds of MY Unreasonable behaviour.

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Savagebeauty · 09/10/2015 13:07

We divorced very quickly... Six months from initial "I don't want to be married to you anymore" convo

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HeisInfuriating · 09/10/2015 13:16

I'm two year in since the I want a divorce conversation.

I petitioned on grounds of his adultery which he admitted in writing therefore I applied for him to pay my costs on petitioning the divorce. ie bringing it to court. He agreed. We have a nisi, had it since about February.

Such agreement is rare I believe. The he says she says rowing and immature I'm divorcing you because reasons are usually slung back and forth for the gaining of the perceived high moral ground. Truth is, no one cares.

So two years later....The financial wrangling and child decisions and a total lack of interest on his part are what has taken so long.

But I am finally near the point of having the court/consent order drawn up which can be submitted to court to be granted absolute status.

I have instructed my solicitor no letters or emails unless I call him and agree it is necessary. Still not cheap. £2000 and counting bearing in mind ex paid approx £600 towards that for petitioning the divorce to nisi.