I'm posting this on behalf of my friend who has been to hell and back in the last year and needs some advice about what to do next and, if possible, to hear the outcomes for women who have been through something similar.
Its a long story so I'm going to try and bullet point the turn of events to make it easier to read and to get all the info out in one go. (I've changed the names)
- Sophie is a kind, caring person. Empathetic and a self confessed people pleaser.
- Paul is a very successful, career driven man. He has a high ranking job in an area of great responsibility. He is charming but, it seems, a narcissist and quite possibly a sociopath. We now know he has a long string of ex girlfriends who he has managed to break down emotionally.
- Sophie met Paul a few years ago as they work in the same building. He swept her off her feet and she fell madly in love.
- She soon became pregnant and they married. Sophie was the happiest she had ever been, Paul appeared to be her soul mate.
- Shortly after having their baby she noticed his behaviour began to change, hiding his phone, being secretive staying out all hours etc. He tried to convince her she was paranoid. Her gut feeling told her otherwise.
- She now knows he started having an affair when her baby was 6 weeks old (possibly before, but she only has evidence from 6 weeks).
- After confronting him about the affair and him denying it repeatedly (despite clear evidence) he walked out on her when his baby was only 15 weeks old.
- Sophie has been her baby's sole carer for the last year (who recently turned 1).
- Shortly after leaving, Paul moves in with his new girlfriend. He informs Sophie this woman is the love of his life and he wants to make it work. New girlfriend falls pregnant but miscarries.
- His relationship with her breaks down after just a few months.
- In a matter of weeks Paul 'falls in
love' with another woman and is now living with her. She has just had a miscarriage.
- So to summarise, in the first year of his child's life this 'intelligent, respectable' man has had an affair and had a second relationship AND made both women pregnant.
But now for the bit that is REALLY bothering my friend:
- When he first left their family home Paul had very little contact with his son.
- He accused Sophie of driving him away with her unreasonable behaviour.
- He claimed she was mentally unstable and had post natal depression.
- He even told her parents that he was worried she was going to kill herself and her baby. (However, he wasn't worried enough to stay and look after his child and MAKE SURE she didn't... But there we go).
- All of this 'worry' had driven him into the arms of another woman... Who it turns out left her husband and son to be with him.
- Divorce proceedings start and Paul continues to be nasty.
- I should say at this point that having known Sophie for 8 years, her behaviour had not changed a bit since having her child, apart from the normal few days of baby blues. She certainly did not have PND. Although she was naturally incredibly upset at finding out about her husbands affair.
- After months of accusations about Sophie's mental stability and ability to be a mother he suddenly turns 'nice' and wants his relationship with Sophie to be amicable.
- He is keen to have access to his child starting with an hour every other weekend, building up gradually (Sophie agrees with this as part of the divorce.)
- He claims he now has depression and is taking medication for it and this is his reason for his recent behaviour.
- He splits up with his girlfriend who, he says, turned out to be a psycho and within a matter of weeks starts a relationship with another woman.
- Despite it breaking Sophie's heart every time she sees Paul, she continues to allow access to their child. Ideally this would take place with her parents taking their child to see him (so Sophie can avoid Paul) but Paul refuses this as he hates her parents for 'betraying' him and 'breaking his trust'. He insists Sophie does the change over.
- Paul is regularly nasty with Sophie via email and text. He blames her for the breakdown of their marriage. He calls her deceitful, mean, conniving, etc etc.
- His new girlfriend has just had a miscarriage. He informs Sophie, seemingly trying to get sympathy. Sophie denies access that weekend as she does not feel it is appropriate for a baby to be around a woman grieving for her lost child.
- Paul's behaviour escalates. He badgers her with texts and phone calls regarding access to his child. He turns up at her house unannounced shouting through the letterbox. He also records her through the letterbox to demonstrate she is unstable and an unfit mother. (She is, in fact, quite the opposite.)
- She recently went back to work and he walked into her office and shouted at her about their child: "Where is she?/How do I know she is safe?/You didn't tell me you were returning to work" etc etc
- He has now decided to take Sophie to court for access to their child. Bearing in mind Sophie has never denied access (except recently as it wasn't appropriate for her child to be around a complete stranger of woman having a miscarriage!!).
- Paul intends to completely destroy Sophie's reputation in court. He is a very clever, convincing and manipulative man. Sophie is terrified that he will be given more access than he deserves or that her child is ready for. (Their child has spent a matter of around 12 hours in total with her dad in the last year... through HIS choice).
-Sophie is worried the court won't see through his lies and manipulation.
What can she do?
Does she have grounds for an injunction so he can't inflict her with constant texts and calls?
What kind of access are fathers given in this situation? Is there any risk it could be 50/50?
Any words of advice or encouragement gratefully received!