Do What's Best for your Child not for You. (Sorry very long)

[Jakap]

My Story

I have 4 grownup children and grandchildren my BF is year older than me.
I met my BF when he had been divorced a year so I think that there was still a lot of hurt on both sides. We have been together 18 months now and we spend every weekend and usually one evening a week together. He and his ex have 2 children. There is a son in his late teens and a daughter who is under 5. When I first met him my BF he explained that sadly since he left the marital home his son will have nothing to do with him and the behaviour by his ex has shown me that she really encourages this.

His daughter is an absolute joy but I am very aware that she isn't mine so she has a special nickname for me that only she is allowed to use. Her Mum has never spoken to me so doesn't even know me and sadly her little girl is fully aware that her mother hates me as she has told me many times the only way I can think to help her is to tell her not to worry as Mummy doesn't know me. I am sad that a little girl so young has learnt that she has to watch what she says to her Mummy about me otherwise she gets a hard time.

I would like to send the following message to her mother as I know you read this forum every day.

I will always show your daughter love and affection not to wind you up but because she is a child.
I will never say anything bad about you to her not because I care about your feelings but because I care about hers.
I will always try to protect her from harm because as I said before she is a child.

If this isn't enough for you then that is your problem not mine but your daughter is already learning that the lies you are telling her about me aren't coming true what a sad thing for a little girl to know.

[Pinkballoon]

The second paragraph comes across as being highly competitive (and quite antagonistic). Also, where are you getting the information from that the mother has said stuff about you - from an under 5 or an estranged husband (see my point?)

Also, in my experience, teens have strong feelings for a reason - they are usually the ones left behind who witnessed the aftermath of the marriage/relationship breakdown and know the real reasons it did break down.

I really think that you should hold off sending messages like that. It's probably the very last thing she needs whilst raising an under 5 and a teenager in the aftermath of a marriage breakdown. You may well have one view on it all (essentially from your boyfriend), but there are two sides to every story, and the teenagers non contact suggests to me that there's probably quite a lot more to it.

[cannotseeanend]

I think if possible, can you step back and imagine what your boyfriend's ex wife is feeling? And realize that you are hearing ONE side only, you are not privy to the feelings of the ex wife. This has NOTHING to do with you. You do not know the real reasons for the marriage breakdown.

I'd hit the roof if I received that and I'd probably contact the Police.

You will end up with a PIN if you do this.