Unfair settlement: Tell me how to stop being bitter

[applebaskets]

I need help because it is eating me up.

Ex has his own company. Separated three years ago: divorce took two years. I missed out on legal aid so had to represent myself with advice/Barristers when I was able.

All the money was in the company and the judges kept saying that they couldn't do anything about it. DH was clever: spent tens of thousands on lawyers and accountants.

I got enough for a deposit on a house, (with a massive mortgage!) and half the pensions, but that's all. Every month is a struggle: I work FT.

DH has two houses, one he is landlord for. He works two days a week. Takes the children on exotic holidays. They have huge bedrooms and lots of land and pets. Lovely cars - cleaners, gardeners, cooks for parties!

I can't even take them on holiday - never have been able to. He doesn't pay any maintenance (we have the children 50-50).

I feel so bitter that it is so unfair. When we met 20 years ago I earned more than him, but gave it up to raise the children and support his career. Now I earn less than I earned when we met and work 50 hours a week and it isn't ever going to end. He has a lovely life and provides everything for them. Sometimes I feel like I've lost it all.

I'm in a committed relationship - so I've moved on - but the difference in my lifestyle with DH is making me so bitter. How can I move on from this without turning into a bitter old woman?! Help!

[Dowser]

Awwww heck! That's awful and I don't know what the answer is.

You only get one bite at the cherry..

If the marriage was a difficult one and you are now free and hopefully in a better relationship ...doesn't that help?

My ex had a fabulous salary. His ex had a lovely detached home. They moved to the middle east. He had fab salary. They had fab lifestyle. I just got one with my life lived it to the full. Met a lovely man.

Now ex is fighting for his life with liver cancer. Back in uk and allegedly broke.

So, all the trappings might look good, everything might not be as they seem.

If you've got your health it's like money in the bank.

Who wants to be rich and terminally Ill.

[redmapleleaves]

so sorry apple.

I've found Paul McKenna's I can make you rich really helpful despite its cheesy title. Help me see what matters to me and leave lots of the bitterness. Counselling - so I felt I could whine and whine without feeling guilty - has helped too!

i've found it helpful to know life isn't fair but at least I'm starring centrestage in my life now.