what to do if dh won't leave

[breakingthebank]

I was in denial about the state of my marriage until last year when dh threatened to kick the back door of the house in unless I left work early to bring him house keys because he'd locked himself out. I stupidly did it but it was as though my eyes had suddenly opened.

I saw for the first time that I have lived with a controlling bully for the last 12 years and we had a massive show down, he refused to leave and I then discovered I was pg so we've tried to make a go of things again and if I'm honest, things have improved a lot. He no longer tells me to "get the kettle on" when he wants a cup of tea. He no longer makes negative comments about my appearance. He has done more (ie something) with this baby unlike the previous 2 who he lay in bed and let me bring up. He hasn't got legless drunk and broken anything, peed all over the toilet seat and stayed in bed all day although his past actions still leave me an anxious wreck before every social occasion. He now looks after the kids if I go to exercise classes and as I'll be returning to work FT the intention is that he'll reduce working hours to care for baby.

But the damage is done, he's not a good husband, he's not a kind man and I don't want my children to grow up believing this is a healthy marriage. I've recently told him I don't want to live with him anymore but after the conversation he just acts like nothing has been said & we just plod on. I know I'll need to see a solicitor to get him out but I don't feel like I have the strength to live with someone while I go through legal proceedings is this the only way?

[BewitchedBotheredandBewildered]

Just a bump for you OP. Sorry you're going through this.

I have no experience but I would guess that a solicitor could advise you about how to make him move out.

Good luck

[hamptoncourt]

I believe the only way to make him move out before divorce is finalised is if he is aggressive/violent enough that it warrants an occupation order.

However, this puts you and DC in a potentially dangerous situation that nobody here would recommend.

See what your solicitor advises.

You may find he is so stunned that you finally have the guts to divorce him that he does move out. I have a friend who was in a similar pickle and was really worried that her husband would make her life hellish, but as soon as he knew she wasn't going to change her mind, he got himself on the internet, found another woman and was off.

I had to love with XH for 3 months after splitting and yes it was awful, but not as awful as spending the rest of my life with him. Don't use it as an excuse to stay with him, I am sure a lovely new future awaits you.

[EarthWindFire]

Unfortunately pp is correct. Without a court order stating otherwise your DHhas the same 'right' to remain in the home as you do until a divorce and finances are settled.