Pls can anyone tell me if I can do anything formal to encourage ex to see his dc ?

[fakeblondie]

My ex husband of almost 25 years is being v difficult re child contact . I am devastated because even tho he has been a #### DH I always thought he was a fab daddy . we have 4 dc aged 21 18 11 and 4 . Unusually the eldest is the most high maintenance and she is home at the moment which has probably tipped me a little near the edge iykwim. At present however I am working in a demanding job and travelling hundreds of miles a week to work and schools and he is giving me no help what so ever . It's been 6 months now and when he left in March to live with his parents ( in their late 80's ) it was at the time so he could save to get a place of his own near us / his dc. I had my reservations big time as this is a man who has never done anything remotely grown up in his whole life. I even wrote his cv and pretty much lined his jobs up for him. he has never helped me with anything like the house or the bills . However he assured me he was sincere and would within a couple of months put a deposit down on a rental property and see more of his dc. in the meantime despite telling us his parents were ok with the dc staying occasionally it became the norm that he doesn't tell me until the night before, usually midnight , and I've figured it's when his parents are away in their caravan. he waits to see if they are going away on a fri night then asks if he can collect the dc if they go . Why he can't just discuss it with them I don't know because they are lovely very reasonable folk . On average he has had the two smaller ones for 24 hours overnight once every six weeks . Each time I have literally had to beg him to see them. I mean several calls e mails texts ect. I have invited him to call in during the week on a day completely flexible to him and put dc to bed and said I will go out .He said no he is too busy with work . he never phones them . All I get is that he now lives too far away and his parents are elderly and he can't put on them. Yes he does now live 60 miles away but he passes the village we live in almost every day twice . he has persistently called our dd 18 throughout her A levels crying on the phone that it's all my fault because I have THROWN him out . She has persistently told him it's none of her business and actually dad I'm in the middle of my exams ! ( This is a man who I discovered had joined over 18 differrent dating sites and been exchanging disgusting material with women online behind my back for over 12 years after me thinking he was gay ! ) . I have yes made him leave but really thinks I have it all rosy and that by not having his dc I won't cope and will ask him back, which I never ever will. Any way my question is can anyone please advise me because primarily the dc and him are sufferring as they are small and they are both missing very special times . Secondly yes I am struggling and at the end of the day he is their daddy . I get up at 5 and go to bed at 1 sometimes later . I do this 6 sometimes seven days a week and am somehow managing to hold down a professional job , pay the bills , sort dd Uni funding and whole move thing out, new schools and uniforms for 2 smaller dc , run a car which I've learnt a lot about ! DIY and all the usual household jobs which we all do . My family are abroad most of the year but have never helped and will be more concerned with what people think about me and DH separating when they return than how we are , so I am actually hands up desperate for him to do anything to help . I've lost 2 stone which usually I'd be chuffed about but I know it's because I'm not taking care of me at all , which is ok for a while but I need to change that to be a good mum at the end of the day . I still haven't even informed a lot of people that I need to of our separation there just hasn't been the time .
Money is tight and DH has paid me some maintenance but if I see a solicitor is there anything I can ask them to do or write to encourage him to man up and see his dc regularly . I know him and a formal letter would actually very likely make him think . I have called a couple of solicitors but they seem more interested in giving me the free half an hour to discuss my separation . I've had that and I do have grounds for divorce ( unreasonable behaviour and dv ) . I can't afford divorce right now and am entitled to nothing but just want my DH to see his dc. Please can anyone advise me re anything I can do legally that might help. The local solicitor charges £180 per hour and more for a letter so that's a lot of money for a letter. Any advise would be very welcome and thanks for readingx

[HowardTJMoon]

Unfortunately you can't force an uninterested non-resident parent to be involved in their children's lives. You could pay a solicitor to write a letter to him making the point about how important regular contact is but you can't force him.