I've been in a desperately unhappy marriage for 5 years. The first couple of years were marked by domestic violence, including when i was pregnant. Then I got diagnosed with cancer, and the violence lessened. It finally stopped after he dragged me across the room by my hair in frnt of my daughter - and I told him to leave when I saw her reaction (she was 3). I involved the police as he left and sent me suicidal messages. They persuaded him to go onto antidepressants and things got better for a while on and off. However he comes off them without discussing it - he came of them the day before christmas eve last year which led to him calling my daugther a bitch on christmas day. The violence has stopped but the emotional abuse is unbearable - ranting at me about no sex, about anythng. That lessened over the summer because I told him I would divorce him - he involved my dad and talked to him about our lack of sex life. But I'm feeling stronger and the other day asked him to help with the housework - I work 3 days a week - he is freelance and maybe works 2 days a month so is at home all the time. I am fed up with having to spend my days off clearning up and cleaning. He threw a glass of cordial over me - I got it in my eyes and I inhaled it and was in absolute agony as it had ginger in it. So that has been the last straw. The last two days - whe nI have been off -he's been absolutely horrible just when I need to relax. He has got cross if me and my daughter want to spend time together doing anything - he says I am pushing him out - but he has her the days when I am at work.
He won't move out and I can't afford to. From reading some of these threads I see that the best thing is just to push on with the divorce. However I am terrified. He tells my daughter (5) all the tiime that mummy is going to divorce daddy and he will have to go and live 100s of miles away in wales. She gets upset, I get upset. I am terrified of making this final step but I also feel that I am missing enjoying her childhood by being so miserable all the time.
I've made an appointmetn to see a solicitor for a free half an hour of advice in a fortnight. The house is joint and he bought it outright with his money - my money has paid for an extension and loft. He says that he can prove how much he has put in and he wants that back. I need half of it to be able to even begin to afford to buy anything for me and my daughter.
I'm terrified abotu starting this and doing the wrong thing. But even when things are good they are not that great. For eg I get told off for loading the dishwasher wrong. I get told I am spending too much on food (of all things) when I am the main earner. I suggested I move my work days around as at present I am not taking my daughter to any of her sports clubs - she does 2 so I suggested we do one each - cue metnal outbreak about how I am taking over.
I'm also terrified about losing custody as I work and he hardly does. However I can work my job around childchare - he is freelance and cannot do this.
any words of advice especially about the effect on my daughter of going through this would be gratefully received xxx
Please or to access all these features
Please
or
to access all these features
Here you'll find divorce help and support from other Mners. For legal advice, you may find Advice Now guides useful.
Divorce/separation
About to get started on divorce - need some encouragement!
5 replies
sus14 · 12/10/2013 13:29
OP posts:
Please create an account
To comment on this thread you need to create a Mumsnet account.