Ex Quit His job to stop maintenance and force sale of house

[thejanuarys]

Please help. My ex is abusive, I finally left him after he bashed me causing me injury which needed surgery. I then instigated a separation deal which included maintenance and sorting out deal whereby i live in the house with daughter until she reaches university age and then we sell. He agreed. But his aggression is coming back and now he has given up his job, forced Tolata proceedings against me to sell the house and is stopping maintenance. What can I do? Has anybody gone through this and what did you do? Please help. I can't afford legal advice and despite domestic violence I can't get legal aid because of my equity share in the house.

[IrisWildthyme]

I don't have much useful advice I'm afraid - not a specialist in this area but just didn't want to leave you with no replies. Have you spoken to Citizen's Advice yet? And your local women's refuge may be able to signpost you to services that can help you. Even without legal aid you may be able to get someone to represent you on a pro-bono basis - or at least agree a payment plan that doesn't leave you destitute.

Could you find a way to buy out his share of the equity? You might need a guarantor if your income isn't high enough, but such things are possible. Or would it be really that bad to sell up and use your share of the equity to get a smaller cheaper flat to live in with DD?

He sounds like a nasty piece of work, you might be better off with him out of your lives altogether. Say calm - you are stronger and more capable of coping than you think you are.

[sammy16]

I agree totally with the advice given. I am near the end of an acrimonious divorce. As soon as my stbe received the divorce papers, he stopped maintenance and paying the mortgage. He also stopped working. I had to take him to court for both financial and child proceedings and it is not a pleasant experience at all. However, with abusive and manipulative men I think mediation rarely works as it's an opportunity for them to use those very tactics to manipulate and control again.
As well as seeking help from citizens advice bureau. I strongly advice you (if you can) to at least get some legal advice from a solicitor. I'd search around. I have managed to get over the phone advice for free or it could cost around £70 for a half hour appointment.

If you have no option but to take him to court you can represent yourself or take a Mckenzie friend to speak on your behalf.

I hope this is helpful and I wish you all the best for your future! It took me 8 years and 4 children later (married for 13) to leave my abusive controlling partner and though I suffered immensely financially, I have gained inner peace and am finally myself again but much much stronger - a sacrifice worth making!

[mumsforjustice]

What stage of the legal process are you? If you don't have any legal seperation or divorce in process you need to get this going. Any financial settlement will be based on his expected, not actual, earnings so quitting a job wont help him. Post more details (and maybe switch to legal matters as some good solicitors on this board) and will try to advise further.

[78bunion]

Typical.
In our case I was paying him as I earned a lot more.
Do you have a chance of getting a full time job so you can at least keep the roof over your head?
Also there are some divorce loans out there where the legal fees are paid from your share of the divorce proceeds although that might mean a bigger mortgage on the house.

[RedHelenB]

That's not quite true mumsforjusatice - a court can only work with actual figures!