easiest and fastest way for me to get divorced now, advice would be gratefully received.

(7 Posts)
chocoreturns Fri 11-Jan-13 20:22:44

My ex and I had been negotiating contact largely through solicitor. He has sent a letter recently stating that he has been living with OW since Feb last year (and naming her). As we separated in Jan and he is presenting this as a long term committed relationship, has he effectively admitted adultery given that we are still married? Or does he have to admit to sleeping with her before I moved out for it to count?

I can't face the stress and conflict of divorce but I know I have to get on with it, for my own sake now. The pair of them are spending time with our children now (2 and just 6mo, I was pregnant when they moved in together) and it kills me. I don't know whether I can cite adultery and just get it dealt with swiflty using this letter of his as proof. Or do I have to go through listing his unreasonable behaviour and all the potential drama that would create?

In some ways I'd love to highlight what an abusive arsehole he was by listing the UB. But my solicitor is ridiculously keen to be conciliatory, to the extent that she won't allow me to say anything that she thinks will inflame him, such as telling the truth.

I feel fed up and down tonight. I wish I could just get out of this without having to spend the £1000 at least that it will cost me or talk to the prat STBXH.

olgaga Mon 14-Jan-13 08:16:45

Your solicitor is right - she isn't being "ridiculously keen to be conciliatory", she's just rightly advising you that there's no point making things more difficult than they are by giving more information than you need to. If you make a lot of accusations and he wants to challenge them, it will only make the process more lengthy and costly. There's no point highlighting it for the purposes of the court, believe me no-one's interested and it's not a public shaming!

Take a look here for some background info and links.

rodders667 Mon 14-Jan-13 08:43:37

Is there any reason why your husband would not agree to divorce on the grounds of adultery?

olgaga Mon 14-Jan-13 11:01:13

Are your children happy with the contact arrangements? 6mo is very young to be spending a lot of time away from you.

calypso2008 Mon 14-Jan-13 11:02:08

Your blog is great olgaga - thank you

olgaga Mon 14-Jan-13 13:05:30

Pleased you like it smile

Couragedoesntroar Mon 14-Jan-13 19:57:09

choco if you use adultery as grounds it does not prejudice the case and from advice given to me by my solicitor it is very hard to challenge. If I remember right you have to show that they have had the inclination and opportunity. If they are living together it would be especially hard to deny! My solicitor also pointed out that it is less inflammatory than listing unreasonable behaviour, no matter how tempting that can be...

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