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Divorce/separation

can anyone advise me please?

5 replies

confusedsahm · 03/09/2012 16:17

I'm very confused....would love to chat for hours about my, and all of your, situations, but probably seeing as i am after some advice I should just be to the point....

Been married for 19 years. 2 kids at secondary school. I've been a sahm since i was pregnant with the eldest (14 yrs). I'm the one not happy, not OH, and he is quite upset about it all. (as am I). What are my rights? He is telling me not to assume i would 'get' the kids. I have stayed at home with them for 14 years. He works long hours (leaves 6.30am-8.30pm), is a professional, with a good salary. We own our house, and various other investments/pensions.

He won't move out for a separation as he doesn't want to separate. I'm ok with that for the moment, but have no idea what i should expect for the future - is he expected to continue paying school fees for the kids? Is everything split 50/50? Do I have to get a job? Does he have to continue to support me? (I assume he must support the kids?).

He has said he will stop his job and work locally in order to have the kids stay with him. Can he really do this after working long hours all this time....and 'take them from under my nose'? He is trying to win favour with them all the time at the moment....treats....stay up late....etc...I believe that at around 12yo they have a say in where they live??

Not that any of this is a reason to stay, or split, but I just would like to know what I should expect and am entitled to.

Our bank account is joint, but I have no idea how to access it, because he usually just gives me money when i ask!

Thank you so much for any help/advice you can give

:)

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Ninjahobbit · 03/09/2012 16:34

hi confused,

first of all go to citizens advice and find out what the legal system says.

with regards to the kids, the courts will look at their best interest when parents divorce, they will take into account what the children say and yes at a certain age (13 I think) they get to have more control over where they are put. could you reach an arragement of 50/50 care? I have my kids most of the time but they have an agreement with their dad that means they spend about a 1/4 of the week with him.

When you get divorced (if you do) the joint account will be looked at and probably frozen to be made into just one account. You may need to set up your own account to have your money put in there.

Staying in the same house will be difficult but if you can manage till you sort out the finaces and either get a settlement to then be able to look at re-housing yourself (and kids).

HTH but I think legal advice will be most helpful in knowing what you can do.

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Collaborate · 04/09/2012 07:18

I wouldn't if I were you consider any freezing of a joint account. You don't want to paralyse family finances unless there is a risk that one of you is likely to seriously abuse the account, and you have in place an alternative account for the immediate transfer of dds and sos. You also are unlikely to be able to access funds in the frozen account for some time.

If you're unsure about the need to consult a solicitor, look as s25 of the Matrimonial causes Act 1973 (list of factors to take into account when deciding on money issues on divorce), add to that 40 years of case law interpreting that and hopefully you'll appreciate how complex it is. Look for a solicitor on the resolution.org website.

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Ninjahobbit · 04/09/2012 07:53

collaborate I thought the joint account was automatically frozen when separation/divorce happens?? if not then I agree with your statement on not freezing the account unless there is a fear of abuse of said account.

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Collaborate · 04/09/2012 09:18

There's nothing automatic about the freezing of a joint account, and if it is done inadvertantly there can be a huge headache for both parties. Sometimes banks freeze accounts when they receive notice of a dispute over the operation of the account, and the account can be frozen on the request of one account holder.

Far better for the couple to agree on how bills should be paid and maintain a joint account for joint bills (until separation), with each paying an agreed amount in (and each having their income paid into their own account), and on separation close the joint account.