Brief history, EH and I divorced nearly five years ago. We have a DS, now 6. I am now living a new DP (for the last two years). He is wonderful and amazing and he loves both me and DS to bits. But the problem I have is that EH still has the ability to control my emotions. We have a very odd relationship in that sometimes we can get along fine, chatting amicably at pick ups/drop offs, discussing issues to do with DS. But at other times he can just be so difficult and horrible. An example is that when I asked him (nicely) not to give DS a chocolate bar in the car on the way home to me (he drops him off at 5pm so he knows dinner is due) he completely flipped and this has now started a war on email. Then other things start being dragged up from the past and it gets so nasty. I seriously think he has some sort of personality disorder as his ability to go from nice to downright unreasonable and aggressive is not normal IMO.
I am happy now, I have a great DP and DS and our life is rosy, so why does my EH have the ability to still get under my skin and make me so angry/frustrated etc? I wish I had the ability to be able to just shrug it off and not let him get to me, but I cant. BTW, I have absolutely NO feelings for him as my friend once suggested - not if he was the last man on earth! I know he still wants to control me yet he knows he cant, so he tries to do it through DS. How can I get myself into a position where I can mentally remove myself from his nasty comments and emails and not let him get to me?
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Divorce/separation
How to detach emotionally?
PoptartPoptart · 17/08/2012 15:06
Ok. Been there am still there. He gets under your skin as he can be reasonable so u remember nice XP but then becomes unreasonable. It gives u hope so u think if u change how u broach it, he'll be reasonable as if there is a magic fix.
There isn't.
Sorry.
All u can do is say chocolate hypers Dc up on way home. Please don't if u can avoid it.
It is up to him as dad to be reasonable. He probably won't given what u said.
In the scheme if things, u will have to live with it. U can't change his parenting or bad decisions when he has DC even if it affects DC return to you. say it once in email and then leave it.
Once u accept that, won't stress u. U just have to deal with after effects. (courts aren't interested in that, not excessive Kate nights on contact with dad, or terrible nappy rashes where dad not changed little one all weekend. Seriously. So there is nothing u can do about a little bit of choc or other minor incidents). If he'd gonna be an idiot he will. And the more he winds u up in your happy new life , the better small kick he gets. Don't give him that. Leave it be , clean teeth on return and keep happy cxx 
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