I have recently seperated from DH and have 3 young DCs.
Whilst we were together he never really got into the whole family thing. He never participated with his DCs at the weekends like other dads. He never helped around the house, and never offered to help pay for groceries, DCs clothes, shoes, etc.
Although he paid the mortgage, gas, electric etc, he did not have a stressful job....self employed so plenty of time off to play golf and football.
I was a full time SAHM, mainly because whenever I mentioned me getting a part time weekend or evening job, he moaned about the fact that he could not possibly cope with the inevitable childcare. So I decided to wait until youngest started school.
Anyway, final straw came when our TCs were cut, so I had no money for food or clothes for DCs. Plus DH had very picky food habits, always wanting meat with every meal, branded products only, you get the picture.
So I used his debit card to buy food online. Couple of weeks later I did this again, but the card was refused. I thought it was because there was not enough money in the account to cover the payment, but found this was not so. DH had in fact cancelled the card to stop me using it!
For me that was the final straw; that he was prepared to see his DCs go without food. I even had to borrow money off my retired mum just to buy some essentials like bread and milk.
Sorry, for rambling, but wanted to give the full picture.
Anyway, seperated and now 'our' friends have started to berate me for my decision, accusing me of overreacting and to go back to him as I am not being fair on him or the DCs. Even some family members have put their views in too, and I am truly starting to question myself now.
Have I overeacted, am I being unfair to the DCs, I really can't seem to see this straight atm.
Advice would be aprecciated.
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Divorce/separation
Apparently I am just 'overreacting'.
bjf1 · 16/05/2012 10:55
You don't need to justify your decision to anyone.
If friends and family believe you would end your marriage on a whim and over-react in that way, then you are better off without them around you right now.
My parents criticised and judged every decision I made when my marriage ended - of course, they were basing their opinion on my exH daily ranting to them and believing every word but felt it was their place to argue his cause to me 
Three years on and I'm happier than I've ever been, but my parents are no longer a part of my life - they will be guests of honour at exH wedding later this year!
Stick to your principles and ignore anyone who claims to be supporting you but who doesn't have confidence in you.
I always find it really upsetting and actually quite disturbing that some parents would rather "side" with an ex than their own child, when their child is the one who has been done wrong by. It's Very Wrong. (In cases where the child is the wrongdoer, I'm not so disturbed by it, however)
To spout a trite phrase - there are two sides to every story though. I was unhappy and ended my marriage after failing to fix it, and my ex is convinced it was "all my fault" - it was only when we separated that I discovered his gambling and porn habit; he claims that because I didn't know about it, it didn't damage the marriage
A friend of mine put it much more eloquently, though. she said it shouldn't matter if you f*cked the local rugby team on the bonnet of his car outside his office window, you are their daughter, and parents support their children, even when they have made mistakes. I tend to agree with her - I hope that no matter what DD does, and whether or not I agree with her choices and decisions, I would put my relationship with her before anyone else.
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