Does he pays for my solicitor

[Holi1310]

I found out over a month ago that my husband has been having an affair. Now he says he wants a divorce. I work on a very low salary job as we have a 4yrs old daughter. I can not afford a solicitor and don't qualify for legal aid. Do I have any right to ask him to pay for my solicitor?

[ThePinkPussycat]

Well you can divorce him on the grounds of adultery and claim costs against him. See a good solicitor for a free initial interview, as a first step. I think they usually offer half an hour.

If there are costs arising out of the ancillary relief, which is sort of separate yet related, they can be met from the marital funds when they are divided - I think that is the case, but anyway the sol can advise within the free initial interview.

Are you OK? Lots of understanding people on Relationships, I expect you may already know that?

[Happylander]

How comes you don't qualify for legal aid? Have you used the legal aid calculator online? I qualify and I am not in what is considered a low paid job.

[Holi1310]

Thank you very much for the advise. No, I'm not ok, not only I have him telling me his in love with her, I also suffer from depression and this situation has not help. I do however have the Crisis Team from my area visiting me and giving me some sort of support. Is just hard when the man you have been married for 15years tells you he doesn't love you any more. Also I do worry for my little girl how this will affect her, she is such a happy little girl!!
Thank you Happylander, I check that out. Cross fingers!

[FashionEaster]

Ime, he will have to pay for the cost of the divorce itself, as the ground are adultery (if he refuses to admit adultery then you petition under the grounds of his unreasonable behaviour, and adultery still can be listed and he still has to pay) - about 1k - however a) that cost is often paid by you upfront (although this can be done through a loan) and then reclaimed from him and b)sorting out the financial side which is often done between decree nisi and decree absolute, always worth doing legally imo if you can afford it, is unfortunately your cost and often equal to or more than the cost of the divorce. However, it is possible to process the divorce yourself and the forms are downloadable.

A lot of family lawyers offer free 30mins advice in person or on the telephone (you can even speak to a few). If you earn a low amount and he earns proportionally a lot more you may be entitled to spousal maintenance as well as child maintenance, to meet the shortfall that you cannot meet - depends on circs and a solicitor should be able to advise, as to any rights you might have to pensions etc. You should also apply for tax credits asap (as they take an age to process) which in turn will give you access to benefits like free prescriptions and let your council know as you can then get a single person discount on your council tax.

Sorry you are having to go through this. Keep posting if it helps

[FashionEaster]

And backdate any claim to the point where your marriage ended.

[ThePinkPussycat]

I can almost guarantee that the state of your mental health is very much linked to pressures you have been suffering in your relationship. As you take each step on the road to divorce, if you are anything like me, you will feel the depression lift. Yes, you will feel very stressed at times, you will be angry, sad, cry - if you are like me.

Do not confuse stress and the experiencing of very real emotions, with depression. Depression sees no end. This road has an end. I petitioned for unreasonable behaviour in Oct last year, the nisi was pronounced this Jan, and the absolute last month. This is about as fast as it gets - and the divorce part was straightforward and could be dealt with separately from the financial settlement. And no kids - young adults though,which brings its own problems...

It may seem overwhelming at the moment, however once you realise that it is one step at a time, with plenty of time to think at each stage, it becomes a lot easier.

[Peppin]

I realise this thread is a little out of date but felt it important to correct a bit of advice given further up the thread: you cannot "claim" your legal costs from your husband for divorcing him on the grounds of his adultery, or for any other reason. Costs are different in the family court to in other forms of civil litigation and the parties normally meet their own costs. There have been one or two cases where the wife has managed to get an interim maintenance order that takes account of her ongoing need to fund the litigation but of course this in itself costs money.

When I got divorced I was a housewife with no money and I ended up living for more than a year off the family savings that would otherwise have been part of the "pot" for division (this was my ex-H's intention, so I would end up with less at the end). Depending on what assets are in your marriage, you might be able to find a solicitor who will act for you on a deferred payment basis, but obviously that means that they take their fees out of what you are awarded at the end.

Nowadays you do have to consider mediation before litigation in the family court and if at all possible, it would probably be most cost-effective for you to try to agree things with ex-H in mediation rather than start down the costly (and very stressful) court route. Good luck.

[Peppin]

P.S. you can backdate a claim for tax credits for 3 months only (not to the date your marriage ended) so it is important to get this claim in asap.