Has anyone been awarded a "Mesher" order?

[gettingout]

I was in court yesterday for a FDR hearing. The judge recommended a Mesher order which allows me and the children to stay in the family home for a max of 15 years but then I'm out, have to give ex 40% and rehouse my self at 53. I refused the offer, but I'm apoplectic with rage that this was even a option to the judge. Anyone successfully refused a Mesher and went on to get equity from matrital assets and live happily ever after? Please?

[limpingbint]

This sounds really reasonable to me - sorry if that's not what you wanted to hear. What are you after?

[gettingout]

It does appear reasonable at first but the main points are
I cannot re-marry or co habitat if I do I have to sell the house and give ex 40% on equity and re-house me and 2 children on 60% while ex makes only maintenance contributions
if i stay in the house for 15 years I'll have to move home at 53 and try to re-house myself on 60% of equity which will either mean a much smaller home or a new mortgage working well into my 60's. Most kids do not actually leave home at 21 do they? so I will still need 3 beds but on much less money.
Its a short term solution for the children but it makes me vulnerable long term economically.

[limpingbint]

So what do you think you should have? I am not being provocative I am just not sure how else it should be done?

[STIDW]

You are spot on, Mesher orders can often be problematic when the conditions are met to trigger a sale and at 53 you will find it difficult to get a mortgage. For this reason courts are generally reticent at imposing a Mesher. However, sometimes a Mesher type arrangement is the lesser of all evils and is the only way of providing a home for children in until they reach the age of 18.

What alternative do you propose?

[gettingout]

AS my ex earns around 50K and I earn 16k I have asked for the equity in the house about 85k and in return I give him the endowments of about 15k and do not ask for pension equalisation. just child maintenance then, not spousal.

[gettingout]

i can get a mortgage for about 30K so as we live in a low cost area can buy a decent 3 bed in a decent area with that with an 80k deposit. I thought it reasonable for a clean break and so he does make provision for the children.

[ineedagoodsolicitor]

I thought that the courts were mean't to suggest clean break arrangements in prefernce of tie ins these days ?

I'm not a solicitor, just someone in the early stages of divorce passing on what I have been told by a local solicitor.

[gettingout]

That news probably hasn't reached the 18th century where I live here.
I almost expected him to give me alimoney of 50p a week and to tell the children "Daddy's gone to war". Laughable.

[mumoverseas]

so what % of the equity to you think he should get?

You say you cannot re-marry or cohabit or you will have to sell and give your ex his share (or buy him out if you want to keep the house). But surely, if you are remarrying or cohabiting your new partner will be able to contribute financially so it should be 'doable'.

Sorry but I don't think this is an unreasonable suggestion. I'm assuming the DJ at the FDR had all the figures regarding other assets and CETV of pension.

[gettingout]

I think it is unreasonable because if I comply with the order it will disadvantage me enormously once I'm done being a mummy. The whole orders smacks of my worth being wrapped around my children and once they don't need me any more (when will that be do you think? 21 - I doubt it) I will be out with only a 60% share of the equity of the house to re-house myself while I have raised the children and maintained the family home for 5 years. Would you like to put your life on hold for 15 years?

[gettingout]

After all it wasn't me that wrecked our 17 year relationship by having an affair.

[mumoverseas]

sadly the reasons for the breakdown of the marriage are very rarely taken into account.

And for what its worth, I do know what it is like to put my life on hold, I got divorced when DC were 4 and 1 and I know how hard it can be. The problem is, in cases like this, there often simply isn't enough money to re-house both parties immediately so a Mesher Order is sometimes the only option.

[STIDW]

I agree with mumoverseas. The priority is housing children but divorce settlements are about balance. A parent without the majority of child care will need something to pay towards housing even if they have to wait until the children are independent. With a Mesher you effectively have a loan which needs to be paid back when the conditions for triggering a sale are met.

I can't get rid of two twenty somethings - they keep coming back! I'm not obliged to house them they are old enough to provide for themselves.

[alliwannado]

That is exactly what my solicitor suggesting to me at the moment and like you I don't want the mesher. No good long term but can't think of any options

[gettingout]

Alli - My ex agreed to the mesher so readily it is obvious that he can afford to re-house himself in the intervening 15 years
Can you afford to take the mesher for a while and then move while you still have working years left to get a mortgage?

[warmlogfire]

Hello out there. I have never entered myself on a blog before, but having read some of comments about Mesher orders, I cannot help but ask for some advice, from someone out there, who has been in my position, or is perhaps, currently in a very similar one. I separated from husband 15 months ago. I have two beautiful boys, 5 years and 3 and a half. This Friday I go to court, for the first time in my life, for the first appointment. This will not be the FDR, and Im totally flumoxed with the adive my solicitor is giving me, all i have is a pile of paperwork and a very strong feeling that the mesher order is not quite what it should be, but am feeling forced into the fact that it seems to be my only option. My ex, has not worked since we split and according to his paperwork from the solicitors, is unable to work to due to "mental health problems", which, of course, does not help me and our boys at all, I have carried on working and shall do so for a very long time to come, no doubt, not expecting much help from the boys father either now or in the forseeable future. I dont know how on earth this could turn out. My ex wants me to sell so that he can have his cut out of the house (whatever the judge finally decides this should be), and pay off some of his huge debts, (or not and just go bankrupt!!) But what about us? Having had arrears whilst I was with my ex, I have now cleared them, how would I get mortgage? Has anyone experienced anything like this before and what hope have I to give my lads the secure future that they so deserve. Regards.

[friendlyadvice]

Yes, I am so glad I am on the blog and my story is similar to warmlogfire. husband has not worked for years he was off and on jobs while we were married. doesn't pay any maintanence to my daughter. has not paid anything towards the mortgage or the maintanance of the house apart from the deposite he put in when we baught the house. I work part time and am on lower income. he wants me to consider Mesher order.