'Not Preventing Pregnancy'

[TotalRockChick]

Hi,

So, my husband would rather term it 'not preventing pregnancy' than 'trying to get pregnant' as he feels the use of the word 'trying' will lead to feelings of 'failure' if we don't succeed.

We've been 'not preventing pregnancy' for 16 months now, following me being on the contraceptive injection for 2 years and the Pill for 9 years before that. So far, no luck.

Any advice for how I might be able to improve our chances? Trying to keep that insane side of my brain quiet (the part that is stamping feet like a toddler and demanding a baby NOW!!) and trying hard to listen to the sane side of my brain which is whispering calming words of advice such as the fact that I need to give my body more time to get back into a 'natural' rhythm.

Have had a few periods since Jan 09 but nothing for the last 3 months, pregnancy test negative but feeling tearful, needy, generally emotional + hormonal, no breast, back or stomach pain as usual before period due though and not really sure what to think. Have been taking Folic Acid for about six months now (when I remember - am crap at daily pill taking).

Am feeling envious of friends who have got babies/expecting babies and am feeling like a bit of a faker every time I smile and say congratulations to someone else, coz all I'm thinking is Why not me??? Any advice/moral support useful.

Thanks x x x

[Habbibu]

Have you seen a doctor about having no periods? Worth getting that checked out first, I reckon. Keeping track of cervical mucus was helpful for me, but I'm not sure how easy that is when you're not having periods.

Poor you - it is stressful. Good luck.

[oneopinionatedmother]

it can take ages for the injection to wear off fully- see your doctor for advice though.

it isperfectly normal to hate people with babies when you don't have one and want one. no need to feel bad about it.

improve you chances by - not smoking (eitherof you) - drinking less ( reckon not$ drinking at all makes you more stressed) high vitamin food (salad, fresh veg etc) and doing moderate exercise (as it boosts your mood) and have lots of sex - though to be fair haing more orgasms helps too - there are lots of books on this sort of 'natural' conception improvement.

good luck !

[2ndDestiny]

Hi RockChick

Just wanted to say hi and I sympathise a lot, am in a similar situation. We didn't want to admit we were 'trying', DH said 'let's just see what happens'. Well what happened was I got pg immediately, then miscarried, and have had nothing like a normal cycle since and have been diagnosed with PCOS, which right now means we can't conceive as I don't seem to be ovulating. So much for the laid back attitude! It has become an obsession and like you I have found it impossible to feel happy for our friends as a whole string of them have announced pregnancies one by one, each one feeling like a stab in the heart.

After 16 months you are more than entitled to have fertility investigations so I would start by seeing your GP. In particular you need to find out why your periods have stopped. No period usually means no ovulation and you can't get pregnant until you ovulate. It could be that you have PCOS or it might be some other hormonal imbalance, e.g. thyroid problems - there are LOTS of things that can be done to treat these and help you ovulate so you need to start by getting to the bottom of it.

Good luck and let us know how it goes, if you feel like it.

x

[Lulubee]

Have you thought about trying acupuncture to try and regulate (kickstart) your periods? I've heard it works for some people.

[masonicpixiesreadthedailymail]

ditto advice to go see yr gp

feeling really v down and bitter and cross at FTC is really v normal. Have a butchers at the hut threads

fwiw I think its quite a good thing not involve yr dp in the fine details of conception. You know what I mean, the planning, the sticks, the timing etc. Main thing is you both want it to happen. IME it helped keep sex vaguely less of a souless chore fun. Tis grim when such a former fantastic part of yr life together becomes so bogged down and defined by ttc

[nandos]

Totalrockchick u might want to consider seeing a doc.
As for me, I just had a baby 3 weeks ago due to clomid. Like you, I was on contraceptive pill for a yr then another contraceptive method for another yr and later ttc for 3 yrs after that with no luck. Had clomid but mc and had another go after I had recovered and gave birth in july this yr.

Good luck..

[Meanbeansmum]

Have you tried some angus castus? That normally kick starts my ovulation after a while of hormonal contraceptives. Good luck.xxxx
(6 tablets...2 tablets 3 times a day up until ovulation).

[dizietsma]

Depo Provera (contraceptive injection) screwed up my cycle for 2 years, I'm afraid to say. I only had 2 injections too. I had no periods for about a year, then a year of 2 weeks on, 2 weeks off periods accompanied by excruciating backache. Obviously I was infertile for that time.

I used 2000mg/day of evening primrose oil to help my cycle settle, and have heard some good things about agnus castus too. Also, you do need see your doc about this. I was referred to an Endocrinologist, and was in the middle of a 3 month hormone study when I fell pregnant.

[FanjolinaJolie]

TotalRockChick

Echo the above about seeing your GP first for routine hormone tests which will show whether or not you are ovulating.

May I also suggest the brilliant and highly recommended book 'Taking Charge of your Fertility' by Toni Weschler.

I found temping and charting useful when I was feeling low after a years TTC with no success. I used the (free) website www.fertilityfriend.com which gives you so much information and teaches you about your natural cycle and the fertility signs (changes in cervical mucus) to look out for. It's information that is useful for the rest of your life, not just TTC.

Good luck to you

[TotalRockChick]

Thanks so much for all the good tips and support ... Makes me feel soooo much better just to know I'm not a horrible hateful person for it feeling like a kick in the teeth that I'm not pregnant yet but friends are breeding like rabbits!! (But had a thought - I don't know whether many of my friends were 'not preventing pregnancy' for a while before the happy news? Only know story of one couple who decided to try so she kicked the pill and was pregnant within six weeks) Anyhoo thank you all, I will make an appointment with my GP for further investigation ... Just didn't want to seem like a mindless whinger by going to see him when I had nothing to worry about!! Will keep you updated, and thanks again x

[TotalRockChick]

So, just an update for you all - I went to see my GP yesterday and they have taken some bloods for testing - doc says its more than likely a hormone imbalance after years of being on contraceptives, but if it is then it will show up on tests and they can provide counter-active drugs to get everything going again. If nothing shows up they'll refer me for a scan to make sure everything is in full working order. Feeling really down about it at the moment - working in an environment where all the customers have babies/children really not helping my frame of mind, especially since the majority are such mindless idiots it amazes me that they can get dressed in the morning but they can't figure out basic things yet here I am providing them with the answers to keep their child safe and I can't breed ... makes the want even stronger. An added kick in the guts is that I've just found out another good friend and his wife are expecting their first child - she's 6 weeks pregnant and they've only been without contraception for 12 weeks ... I sound like a petulant child when I say it but it's not fair and it's really getting to me now. Of all the things in life I can live without, all the things that I have and don't really need, this single thing seems out of my reach and I feel like crying every time I think about it. Keep reminding myself theres people out there worse off ... people who are homeless, starving, dying etc etc ... people who have been trying for years and years and people who can't, ever, conceive ... I want so much so become pregnant, to hold our child in my arms and see a similarity between the child and me, between the child and my husband ... Can't bear the thought of it not happening...

[RunLyraRun]

TRC, God knows I don't have any wise words, just worried that you sound really down, so bumping for you in the hope that someone comes along in a minute with something helpful to say...in the meantime, giving you a cuddle (not something I usually dispense on here!)

[TotalRockChick]

Thanks RunLyraRun, having one of those woe-is-me moments ... Currently slurping hot tea and scoffing white chocolate in an effort to boost myself ... I guess its been getting to me more than I wanted to admit. Thanks for your support x

[YorkshireTeaDrinker]

Hi TRC,

I don't have any sage advice, but I can empathise a little bit. We have been 'not preventing pregnancy'for 12 months now. In teh main, I've been doing just that, cos I've been rather ambivilent about the whole thing and there have been lots of good practical reasons why now wouldn't be the best time to have a child. But three weeks ago my best friend (who have been TTC since May) told me she was 6 weeks pregnant and I felt like I'd been punched. I was and am thrilled for her, but at the same time I was totally gutted. When I got home, I wept all over a bemused DH (who assumed I wasn?t really that bothered about having kids, based on all the stuff I?d said previously) and told him I?d feel like I?d failed as a woman if I couldn't have a child!

This whole journey from would-be parental indecisiveness to complete yearning to become a mum, seems to involve losing control of your decision-making capabilities, your emotions, (if you get to childbrith) your bodily functions and your dignity, and, (with a successful birth) your sleep,cash and life as you knew it!

I'm pretty near the start of this whole process and still hoping that 'nature will take its course' before I start getting too desperate. But looking around these boards, I can see that its not so straightforward for some of us and the path to motherhood (and indeed along it) is lined with heartbreak and dissappointment.

I can't say that I'm sure things will work out for you, cos I have no idea if it will; but what I can say is that thinking its not fair when friends who haven't been trying as long as you conceive and you haven't is exactly what I think too. And i too look at all the other woment in the world who have kids and don't (appear to) deserve to and think that how come they can do it and not me - what's wrong with me? I don't think that makes us horrid or petulent, I think it just makes us women who long to be Mums. And i think that's a good thing to be.

I hope the Tea and white chocolate worked...

[TotalRockChick]

I can't begin to thank all of you enough for the moral support you've been providing me with, and feel a touch guilty that I haven't been onto MN for so long.

Unfortunately, while the tea and white chocolate made me feel better in the short term, I'm no closer to realising my dream of becoming a mum. I've had bloods taken by the doc which all came back as normal, and the appearance of a period after five months without, so the GP is content that for now I'm doing all I can. I'm still on Folic Acid, and he recommended female orgasm after male ejaculation combined with lying on my tummy with a pillow under my hips to help the little swimmers find their way in my tilted womb. If I go more than 10 weeks without another period I have to go back to see good old GP, at which stage he'll refer me for scans and further tests to establish whether everything is working as it should be - no cysts, fibroids, other things that could be stopping this from happening. Unfortunately after so long on hormone based contraceptives he has admitted it could take up to three years for my hormone level to get back to normal, and while my lovely husband has been a rock of moral support and reminding me it doesn't matter how long it takes, my arms continue to ache for our baby that I still cannot hold. To rub salt into the wound others still don't know I have, a further two friends have recently announced pregnancy and another two are celebrating the birth of their first babies. Hence lots of photographs and gooey talk about how wonderful it is, how baby has dads eyes, etc etc, and me left wondering when, if ever, it will be my turn.

Have done well on my quest to kick the cigarettes, now having halved my daily amount and chomping copious amounts of chewing gum or sucking on sugar free sweeties for those craving moments, but caught myself sucking the end of a biro at work the other day and nearly fell about in hysterics. Honestly I think I'm going bananas. The alcohol intake has also more than halved, now am having a couple of drinks at the weekend, rather than getting plastered as often as possible.

Had a reality check last night when my best friend phoned me in tears sobbing that she'd had to be tested for HIV due to unexplained ongoing health problems, as much as neither of us truly think it could be the cause obviously it's knocked her for six and here's me worrying about my fallopian facilities. The poor love was in such a state I almost left home to make the 150 mile drive to sit with her and allow her to make my shoulder soggy. However the fact that petrol isn't free and she is working today prevented me, but we have decided she will come and stay for a few days next month. This date will be after her test results come back, and she began asking me questions like, If I am, you will still love me, won't you? which I found incredibly disturbing - does she honestly think my friendship is so naive that it would end because of that? Managed to persuade her that I love her no matter what, which just made her cry again because if the test result comes back positive she doesn't want to go on, and thinking like that makes her feel guilty for 'abandoning' me and her family if that is the case. Anyway it made my problems pale in comparison and I spent a good few hours wondering whether life would be so unbearable without children in it. While I have my health, my husband and my family and friends, it wouldn't be the end of the world, but I sincerely hope that it does occur eventually.

Maybe this wait is testing me, to see whether I truly do know and understand the impact a little person will have on my life before one is here. One thing is for sure, if things do turn out the way I hope and I end up falling pregnant, I will be eternally grateful for the chance.

[givecarrotsachance]

TotalRockChick You say that your GP is happy to wait for another 10 weeks before referring you - but are you? Probably not, so would s/he refer you earlier if you pushed for it?

I also completely understand your feeling of the whole world is full of mums who don't deserve to be/pregnant people/etc. I am blessed with a wonderful son but remember clearly how I felt in the 7 months I waited to start him off, and I'm feeling the same again now TTC DC#2. It's not wrong to feel like this and it absolutely doesn't reflect in any way on your personality. It's absolutely normal so don't feel worse that you already do beating yourself up about it.

Clearly your focus should be on working out getting your cycles back to normal. My advice would be to firstly go back to your GP to see if they would push you forward for something to sort out your cycles if this one doesn't come within a normal cycle time. If you are happy to do so I would also try alternative therapies (some people are all for these, others not). Homeopathy may be worth a go; someone mentioned acupuncture. I haven't used either to get my cycles going but I certainly will do if they don't in the next 6-8 weeks.

Until you are cycling regularly you are unlikely to conceive, so that needs to be the primary focus. Then it's making yourself as able as possible to conceive, so you're right to quit smoking (that must have been tough...) and cut down drinking, and also, as mentioned, work out when your fertile times are using Take Control of Your Fertility and/or the fertilityfriend website. I've used the former very successfully (as my DS proves) but not the latter - but many people here think it's great.

You are almost certainly destined to be a mum. Keep your spirits up and I really hope it all works out for you.

[TotalRockChick]

OK guys, once again, apologies for not being on here recently ... Have had so much on what with work & making time for play with DH ;)

Following on from my last entry, I successfully had a period starting 16th October which was far more of a 'normal' period than any of them up to that point. Hello cramps, sickness, headaches, all the usual s**t I put up with (the reason why I went on the Pill in the first place was coz of the rough ride I experianced every month). So it came and it lasted 'normal' amount of time, and it went.

And here I am, 1st December, and it only ocurred to me the other day that I haven't had another one since. I tried not to let it bug me ... Had decided to try not to worry so much about "not preventing pregnancy" and if it was destined to happen then it would, eventually, on its own terms ... Was then chatting to a friend over the weekend and a couple of things I hadn't even considered to be pregnancy symptoms were mentioned by myself and she kept saying to me, Do a test, do a test! So I did a test.

In fact, in total I did three tests. All of them have come up positive. I'm trying not to get myself too excited yet though DH was with me yesterday for the taking of the third test and couldn't wipe the smile off his face for the rest of the day (in fact I'm sure while he was asleep he was still grinning). It would appear, after all my worrying, that I'm up the duff, have a bun in the oven, etc etc, and OMG what a weird feeling it is!

My back is a little sore as if I'm about to have a period, my boobs feel tender, I've been ranging in body temperature from damn hot to OMG-I-Might-just-pass-out hot, I feel queasy and the smell of cigarette smoke makes me want to leave the room. Since I've just come down with a heavy cold I figured all the symptoms were linked to that, but it seems as though there may be a Jnr on board who is the reason for some of it if not all of it.

If I am pregnant (I'm trying to play devils advocate at the moment) then I'm only about 6 weeks gone, so I'm not going to be making any formal annoucements to the world just yet, but I've got drs appt next week for him to do a test and if I am then I will be waiting until Christmas before I tell the family/friends etc.

I just wanted to say thanks to each and every one of you for coming up with some ideas on helping me conceive, for helping me keep my spirit up when all I wanted to do was sit in a corner and cry, and most of all just for your support when I felt I was going mad.

Keep your fingers crossed. I might be a mum in July!!

[YorkshireTeaDrinker]

Just found this thread again. TRC that is fantastic news! I hope all is well with your little bean and you were able to make your exciting announcement at Christmas.

[decafgirl]

Just read this whole thread and am soooo thrilled for you! Congrats & hope you are keeping well xxxx

[TotalRockChick]

Its official!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Went for a scan yesterday afternoon .... Had horrible thoughts like they'd look and tell me I was mistaken and there was nothing there, but there it was!!! For the sake of not wanting to refer to my beautiful baba as 'it' from now on, I shall refer as 'he' or 'him' but it doesn't mean I'm expecting a boy - quite apart from the fact it's far too early to tell yet, DH and I have decided we don't want to know.

Anyway, according to my dates, I'm 12 weeks today, but according to the measurement made yesterday from the scan I'm 10+3 today, so it's still very early days but she found a good, strong heartbeat and though he was curled up on one side to begin with, to be able to measure him properly the sonographer had to poke me about a bit to make him move and there he was moving about fine, and she said everything looks absolutely great. Because he's still so small she couldn't do the check for Downs, so I'm going back in a couple of weeks for another scan so that they can see properly.

Due to the small size indicating I'm 10+3 she's given me a new due date at the beginning of August - it's getting very close to DH's birthday! I said to him does this mean baby will count as his birthday present this year, or will I have to buy two presents for him (one from me, one from baby)!! But when I have my second scan in a couple of weeks, I'll get a more definite due date.

Thanks again to everyone for their support and kind words ... I am absolutely over the moon right now, DH is looking after me well (doing housework/cooking dinner etc it's fabulous).

Lots of love to everyone ... And remember, if you're reading this now & you're 'not preventing pregnancy' just chillax and go with the flow ... I waited 18 months and now it's finally happened I couldn't be happier, but its definitely down to just not worrying and thinking "If it's meant to be, it will be" and enjoying the attention from DH for me rather than treating it as a chore!!!

[LAT1980]

Hi TRC
CONGRATULATIONS!!!
I have just been scanning for a thread where people were giving up hope as it took me 2 years to fall pregnant after coming off the injection (I am now 15 weeks pg) & just wanted to tell someone that all will be fine just dont worry about it!
Congrats again - hope you are well.x:\0

[memorylapse]

what wonderful news..Ive lurked on this thread and had a feeling there would be good news soon...sounds like the contraceptives just knocked you out of sync so to speak and it can take a while to correct itself...will look forward to seeing your news in July..I have 2 July babies..its a lovely time to have a newborn

[LittleSilver]

Just came across this thread and wanted to add a big congratulations! Well done you and your DH!

[passionberry]

Also just saw this thread and wanted to say congratulations!!

It took me 18 months too - I think it just takes some longer than others but we got there in the end! And oh my god I was so happy and relieved when I got that test result!(am 24 weeks now).