dp is adamant no more children

[myermay]

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[Anna8888]

You have two children of your own, which is one more than lots of women on Mumsnet who would love another child - and two more than lots of women who would love just one child.

Try to look at it in a positive light.

[DANCESwithaMuffinTop]

myermay - it is so hard when one parent wants more and the other doesn't. My friend has the same siutation. I don't know how to advise you but I have your sympathy.

I think the 'you should be grateful' arguments are spectacularly unhelpful in these situations. Each situation is as painful and important to the person experiencing it as they feel it is. Comparing yourself to others is just pointless.

[Pickie]

meyermay- sounds like my DH. I would love (and always) 3, DH 2! He sometimes says never say never which gives me a little hope and you never know accidents do happen :-) (would never orchestra a accident though)

[scorpio1]

i have been in this situation, although finance was not his reason, just feeling complete was.

My ds1 is 5.7, ds2 is 3.1 and dss is 6.1.

I wanted another baby when ds2 was 6 months, and argued and fought with dp for 18 months, until one day he said this has to stop. he said i love you but i just ant do this right now, i feel i have enough, etc etc. I explained how i was missing a pair of shoes, a plate, a coat everytime i looked there was 1 less than there should be. He said we could talk in June 07, this was dec06. i said ok.

In jan he said we could ttc and im now 26 weeks pg with our first dd. he is pleased and over the moon.

i think sometimes men dont realise HOW important this is to us.

I would recomend stating how this feels to you, and you listening to him. then, set a date at whih you will talk again, say 6 months. do not mention it in between.

explain you could work PT after baby, you will get Maternity pay if you are working already, and i know not to rely on this but you will get more CB and TC.

our car is just a normal car and fits 3 car seats, you will have to check that, even if you pretend at halfords that you want to buy one just to check the fitting.

i too am one of 3, dp is an only. 3 feels right to me too, and i always shared a room with my sister. we only have 2 bedrooms here but i know we will be ok, im not going to not have a baby becuase she may have to share a room for the first year of her life.

Please ask me anything more you want to know, i know how devastated and upset you must be.

[ComeOVeneer]

Not a lot of advice. Same position as you. Have just had to come to terms with it as it isn't going to happen. AM focusing on the positives of 2 happy healthy children and the start of a new era minus cots/pushchairs, more adult time etc etc..

[myermay]

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[Broodymumof2]

Hi just wanted to say that i wanted a 3rd after my second dd, now 6 (7 this month) and dp was adamant that he did not want another child (he also has 2 teenage girls from previous relationship).... so i just agreed and got on with things but the feeling never went away..so a couple of months ago i broached the subject again and he was all for it!! He misses haveing the little ones...maybe your dp is the same..you have quite a young child and maybe your dh will feel more open to it once you have had a break from the little ones stage. Good luck hope thing go the way you want.x

[NAB3wishesfor2008]

You say he is depriving you of what you want but so are you, him.

[readyfornum2]

Myermay I kinda know how you feel we have just started ttc no2 and I have told DP that I want 3 but he says 2 is enough due to finances and practicalities of car seats and going out etc and although I understand all of that I still want 3!
I am looking on the bright side that I have DS and will hopefully soon have another DC and while I know I have to face upto the fact that my next pregnancy will probably be my last I cant help hoping that DP will change his mind in the future
DP has become such a great Daddy so I just hope that that love can be shared by 3 of our children not just 2

Hope you can work things out but dont spoil what you already have by argueing about another

[myermay]

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[paulaplumpbottom]

I would just keep working on him. Tryt not to yell. He has given you all the reasons for not having another, maybe you should be laying out all the reasons you should.

[myermay]

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[paulaplumpbottom]

Its not the material things that kids need. Its love. Another child will bring more of that into your home

[belgo]

myermay - it's incredible the need for a third child isn't it? Like you, I have two children, and I am desperate for a third baby.

I hope you manage to reach some sort of agreement with your dh, but you're right to wait a while before discussing it again.

[myermay]

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[paulaplumpbottom]

And 3 was harder than 2 and 4 was harder than 3, but I bet its been wonderful just the same. Do you have any friends with three that you could have over for dinner?

[loofy]

Just joined mainly because of this. Such a relief I'm not the only one. Dp is an only and would have been content with 1. Persuaded him to have 2. I'm a 2 and can't imagine not having my sister. But dd is 5 1/2, and ds 2 but only 18 months before he starts school and I'm not ready to be childfree yet.He though is almost counting the days!!Its same argument 3 bed house,would have to move etc. Also he's not keen on babies much prefers 18 months on but that is such a short time. Decision will have to be made soon, I'm 37 but also as ds has almost finished with, cot,highchair etc even though I haven't. Amazed I feel like this before i met dp I didn't want any!! Someone told him once not to let them outnumber you and he beleives it! Its a family not a warzone...

[myermay]

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[loofy]

Good luck to you too. I do work ( 3days a week) and we work opposite shifts and so when I'm at work he's on his own with them so he's outnumbered now!!. He wouldn't want me to give up though!! I think its more the thought of a baby he's not thinking of having 3 older ones. so maybe...

[LaDiDaDi]

I really want another child too but dp is reluctant to consider it and tbh I feel quite annoyed as we'd always said we'd have 2 or 3 dc and now he wants to stop after dd. We've agreed to talk about it again this time next year as he's feeling a bit down in general and realises that this is likly to be influencing his decision.

[loofy]

\when I was persuading him for number 2 he took 5 months to decide. It then took me 10months to conceive whereas with the first it was only a month. I'm sure it was because by the time we staring t2c I was so stressed by it all. !!!