am ttc and 2 of my closest friends have told me NOT to do it -anyone?

[bambam30]

well the title pretty much says it am ttc and om on 2nd cycle and 2 of my closest friends have got lo's aged 2 same as mine but 1 has another at 5 months and the other at 3 months and they have both said over the past couple of weeks don't do it it's a nightmare etc etc and the one wiith the youngest has even said she at times feels like she hatesher 2 year old and that she wishes the other had'nt been born yet normally i would just take it with a pinch of salt i know we all have bad days but i do worry about my relationship with my lo he was a bit of a surprise after 11 years of trying and so whilst i know all babies are special he feels extra to me cos i never thought i would hold a bambino of my own will he feel left out etc [ i have to add i have a stepson of 8 whom my lo absolutely adores] i love being a mum and love the stuff we all do as a family am i being selfish to worry i just am at a loss and am scared i will ruin what is already good or am i just being daft and then i asked my mum and she said the same that if she had her time again she would have only had 1 not 3 please help

[Mistymoo]

I was watching my 2 the other day. My ds (7) was helping my dd (4), it was such a lovely sight and a lovely feeling, both dh and I were very proud. It's not alway easy looking after 2 kids but it's not always easy looking after 1. There are always 2 ways of looking at things and depending on where you are in your life you look at things differently.

If your ds is 2 already then you will not have your next one as close in age as your friends and I think this will make your situation different to theirs. I know I personally don't think I would cope very well if I had 2 close together in age but that's me and others cope really well and thrive on it.

Remember it's you that has to deal with it all so what other people say is irrelevent. I wish you all the best.

[JacanneAbox]

I am so happy that I had 2 children. My dd2 was born when dd1 was 2 and a bit. While I was pregnant I did feel a little like I was betraying dd1 and was so worried about how she would take it. We had a surprisingly easy time of it though. I couldn't imagine loving another child as much as I loved dd1 but I do. As long as you handle it carefully I think you'll be fine. We generally paid more attention to the older one and the baby had to wait sometimes. My girls are the best of friends now and they always have someone to play with now dd2 is a little older. I was all this morning listening to them telling each other "I love you". Yes they argue sometimes but most of the time they're fine.

I think the jump from 1 child to 2 was so much easier than the jump from having no child to having one - there are fewer surprises, you're generally more laid back.

There is a book called "Three shoes, One sock and no Hairbrush" which I read when I was pregnant with dd2. I wouldn't necessarily recommend it because it made me worry about the things that your friends mentioned (the not liking your oldest, regretting your youngest) and when it came down to it I had none of those feelings - but it did highlight things you could do to make things easier, things to make sure you shouldn't do etc which I did follow. Actually I would recommend it but just leave the chapters about problems until/if you actually encounter any - then it will make you feel good because you'll see that such feelings are common and temporary.

It also says that 3 years is the best spacing to have between siblings so you should be fine

I say go for it - it sounds like, at heart, you really want to.

[belgo]

bamboo - my two aged two and nearly four are currenly playing happily together with some colouring books.

It was hard for the first six months or so, but now they adore each other and fill the house with life and energy. I would never regret having either or them, and hope to have a third one day

[SazzaK]

No - by the time you have your baby your son/daughter will be nearly 3 - I was just 3 when my brother was born and mum says I was a great little helper. They have started much more quickly than you if their babies are 3/5 mo and I don't think your situations are comparable. it will all be OK in the end, although you may have it slightly easier than they did to start with!

[bambam30]

thanks you have made me feel better i do appreciate that there will also be abigger age gap but i will definately look out for the book recommended sorry i cant personalize this but am in a hurry on my way to take lo to docs for 2nfd time today

[iliketosleep]

I have 3 dc ages 7,6 and 4, i have found it no trouble at all and am now pg with dc4, i understand that your friends and mother may be trying to help you but its only you that can make the decision to ttc and to tell you not to do it is in my opinion quite mean. You are obviously scared by their comments and fear that you will love your dc less by having another one because its how they feel. It isnt true i love my dc equally and always will and doubt in years to come will turn around to my dd and tell her i wish i had only had one instead of 4!

Its not an attack on your friends and family by the way i was just shocked to read it, and would also suggest that you ask your friend to see a doctor about her coments about she sometimes hates her 2 year old and wishes her little one wasnt born as that could be a sign of postnatal depression.

ok ive rambled on and said what i have to say

the decision is yours totally without taking other peoples experiences into account, i will NEVER regret having my dc

hope you make the right decision for you xxxxxxx

[CarGirl]

I'm finding my 4th a very challenging child (anyone fancy an adorable 2 year ol FOC???) but it's so lovely that they have each other, they play, laugh, fight, scream I wouldn't change it for the world. I think it sounds like they are suffering from dc with the terrible twos at the same time has having a young baby & sleepless nights which is hard.

[RosaLuxMundi]

There are two and half years between each of my three and while the first few months of going from one child to two were hard as we all adjusted, it has worked out really well. My children get on well, the age gaps are good - anything between two and three years is ideal in my opinion.
Personally I would not have chosen to have only one or even two children, so if you feel more than one is right for you ignore all advice and go for it. Mine are 10, 7 and 5 now and they certainly have benefited from being part of a sibling group. I did worry when I was pregnant with DD2 that I could never love another baby as much as I love DD1, but it really is true that the love comes with the child - the love you give each child in no way takes away from the love you have to give the other. Don't worry, ignore your friends (who will probably be feeling very differently in six months anyway) and trust your heart.

[VictorianSqualor]

Mine are 7 and 3 and I'm pg with my third. I'd imagine that your friends are overreacting and exaggerating.
They are still in the throes of little sleep and their elder Dc's are probably close to the 'little shit' ages.
If you want another, then keep trying, ignore their negativity, maybe the thing you should take from this is to learn as much as you can about how to cope better with more than one DC as they seem to be struggling? There are tricks to it y'know
Good luck.

[bambam30]

hey thanx all of you in my heart i know it's what me and dh want but you know when you get scared and you are all right they are in the depths of no sleep but i also thought that maybe it wsan't so nice to say but then i am not in their shoes . i am glad that you all say teh same regarding the love thing cos it does feel a little like a betrayal to my lo but when i see how lovely he is and he smells so delicious and even today when he finished vomiting for about the6th time and iasked him if he were alright and he said yes and then love you mama i know with all my heart i want another i love being a mom and i know that those first few months are shitty but so long as i have the reassurance tht it normal to feel this way and of course now i also have mumsnet i am sure it will be ok i just wish sometimes that people would think before they open their mouths

[kindersurprise]

I can remember a friend telling me how stressful motherhood is and to not try for a baby.

A few years later we were blessed with our DD and 2 years afterwards our DS.

I can honestly say that, even on the most difficult, challenging days, that I have never even thought that.

Yes, the first six months were sometimes hard going, but after that it got easier. My DCs are now 5 and 3yo and play together so well. They love each other to bits.

It is a shame that your friends are spoiling this special time for you.

[Nyx]

Ooh, bambam, you nearly made me cry! When you said that bit about "he said yes and then love you mama"...snif snif...that's just gorgeous. You will be fine, you will be excellent. I only have the one, and I admire you for feeling that you have all that love to give! ATM I don't feel like I will want another (who was it that mentioned the "little shit" age...mine is coming up for 2 and getting quite stroppy and headstrong, but I love her ) - I think DH gets quite broody sometimes so you never know, in another 6 months or so I might be in your position. All the best, and I'm sure your friends will feel differently in a few months too.

[shimmy]

As an only myself an unexpected great joy that my dcs have given me is seeing the love and relationship between them. They are a team as close to each other as dh and I are to each other.

Tbh it was bloody difficult hard work having a baby and a toddler and at times I did wonder what I had done, but the joy of having the two has massively overwhelmingly outweighed the downsides.

Don't assume that your friends' experiences will be yours. No 2 families are the same.

[berolina]

ds1 was 2.4 when his brother was born. He is utterly delightful with him. If he won't do something because we ask him to, all we have to do is ask him to do it for/to show - and he will.

It's tough at times, but 3 months in I haven't found it as tough as I'd feared.

[Dragonhart]

I have a ds 2.4 and dd nearly 1 (next sat!). I was worried about the whole how can you love another as much but when it comes to it, you just do I think.

Second time round, I found that that side of it was easier. A fellow MNer said to me when I was preg with dd that second time round you just 'know' how to love them and it happens faster and for me it was like that (I realise it is not like that for everyone though).

I think we all have times when we would happily give them away but the times when they are making each other giggle just make up for it IMO.

I do think it was mean of them to say that but some parents feel the urge to make things sound terrible for parents to be or people trying. My boss told me all sorts of horror stories when I was pregnant with ds and he made it really hard for me.

I love having two and wouldnt change it for the world. Hope you make the descision that is right for you and ignor what other people think xxx

[cathshuck]

Ds is 2.4 and dd is 4 months, it is hard work but so rewarding. She was dribbling tonight and he wiped her mouth with his sleeve and kissed her. Gross but oh so cute!! On the whole had no jealousy problems at all bit of going back to being a baby like wanting a bottle. But its so worthwhile when I hear them giggling because he has rolled her on to her tummy and is trying to make her crawl. WOuld recommend having 2 (90% of the time!) (grin]

[1dilemma]

1 to 2 was fine 2 to 3 is another story

But I wouldn't change it!

[bambam30]

thank you all soo so much i feel a lot better by your comments and can now go on my honeymoon and babydance happily in the knowledge that it will be alright if it happens thanx all of you !!!!!