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Abortion, Advice and Conception

12 replies

Emmastone123 · 08/11/2016 20:23

Hello

Two years ago my husband and I (we were then boyfriend and girlfriend) got pregnant. He didn't want a baby (I was 25 and he 26), and insisted that the best option was to get an abortion. I agreed as I think deep down it was the best option for us, but I wanted that baby so badly.
We have been married for 6 months now and I'm desperate to start trying. However, we are using the withdrawal method (I know, dumb!), and he's still not 100% ready. I don't want to trick him but how do I get him on side? I just want a baby so badly, it's like this painful longing in me that I can't even describe.

Thanks for the help.

Emma - Eve

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refusetobeasheep · 08/11/2016 20:26

If he's using withdrawal method he really can't be that against it - or he'd triple lock the contraception!

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Smartleatherbag · 08/11/2016 20:29

Why would you want to have a baby with this guy? He made you feel that you had to have an abortion and now he's playing with you, doing the withdrawal method.

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TheCatsMother99 · 08/11/2016 20:34

I'm with refuse , it's common knowledge that the withdrawal method is a load of tosh so he can't be that against you falling pregnant again otherwise you'd both be more careful.

I also agree with smartleather though, it was pretty sh*tty that he insisted you have an abortion & if u were you I'd be careful incase he insists you have another one as I hate to think what that'd do to you emotionally.

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expatinscotland · 08/11/2016 20:40

'However, we are using the withdrawal method (I know, dumb!), and he's still not 100% ready.'

He pressured you into having an abortion you didn't want. That was your sign that he was an emotionally manipulative git who didn't belong in your life. The only thing you say to a man who pressures you into having a medical procedure on your body that you don't want is 'Goodbye.'

Now he's not using contraception but he's still 'not ready'. Men like this never are. Or they are after you're 45 or older, he leaves you for a younger model and gets her pregnant in months when it's too late for you.

You want the good news or the bad news? The bad news is that you are married to a twat. If you get pregnant, he will try to manipulate you into another termination you don't want. The good news is there is time left to divorce him and find a decent human being.

You don't want him 'on side' because if you fall pregnant, all he'll do is blame you and be a twat about it, same as he was last time.

You carry on as you are. You get pregnant, tell him you're not having an abortion and stick to it.

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YoHoHoandabottleofTequila · 08/11/2016 20:51

Does he want children?

If you get pregnant now he will blame you. Your DH sounds like a twat.

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Emmastone123 · 08/11/2016 21:06

Thanks for the messages. Honestly though, I know it sounds bad, but my husband is a good guy. He didn't want a baby at the time because he freaked out and thought we wouldn't be financially ready. I didn't mean to make him out like the baddie.

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Smartleatherbag · 08/11/2016 21:11

The decision to continue a pregnancy is yours, not his. It's your body, and it's you who will have to do the majority of the graft. Biology.
Seriously, if he isn't sure about getting you pregnant, then her needs to use condoms. Or not have sex with you unless you are using contraception.
Ask yourself, if you were to tell him you were pregnant in the next menstrual cycle, how would he react?

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Smartleatherbag · 08/11/2016 21:12

he, not her!

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MouseLove · 08/11/2016 21:24

Hmmmm. There's no "getting on side" if you have the conversation and he says no, then you need to be taking better care of your contraception. Honestly, wether you intended it or not any man who suggests this and loves you is an arsehole. A man who loves you would have done anything to make sure you were ready to welcome that baby into the world 9 months later. You are a partnership, work together.

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confusedat23 · 08/11/2016 21:34

I agree with the other posters on here... i am sorry for the loss you experienced at the hands of your husband (because really it was his manipulation that made you have an abortion) but honestly you need to have a real hard think about this one!

Talking from experience men like this will never be ready to commit to what you want... i was with a man for 4 years who i had always been honest about what i wanted... he only ever compromised to the amount he knew would keep me around... and that continued until i made the decision you are going to have to make...

Do you love him enough to unreasonably have to give up your chance of having children? Or would you rather go through the pain of a divorce to find someone on the same page as you?

Also could you have another abortion? You need to wake up and use protection whilst you make the decision over the state of your marriage... at the moment you are basically TTC without the want for a child which is irrisponsible.

Im also a newlywed and i have a desperate need for a child which my husband does not share... he would like to wait another year... the difference is i dont want to take my pill anymore so im prepared to TTC and my husband respects my wishes enough to wrap up in mean time... that is a good compromise which (from what i have read is a common route taken by women here) in that case it is then his decision when we stop using condoms and therefore also his decision when we start TTC... and i am very unlikely going to be put in the situation where i am forced to have an abortion.

I hope you dont think my words are too harsh but being in a relatable position to myself i just want to let you know there are options.

Xxx

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expatinscotland · 08/11/2016 22:11

'Honestly though, I know it sounds bad, but my husband is a good guy. He didn't want a baby at the time because he freaked out and thought we wouldn't be financially ready. I didn't mean to make him out like the baddie.'

ANYONE who pressures someone into a termination they don't truly want is not a nice person. ANYONE. And he's still doing it, not wrapping up knowing you want a child.

I wound up divorcing a man who didn't want children. Believe me, I know how painful it is. The difference was that he owned up to it. He didn't string me along, expect me to handle the birth control or get an abortion if I got pregnant. He didn't fuck with my mind because he was and is a decent person.

I had time to find someone else who did want children.