what can u tell about surrogacy?

(22 Posts)
user1468231797 Mon 11-Jul-16 13:02:03

GM! I’m 36 years old and my lifelong goal has always been a successful career. Even since college time I decided to be completely engaged in jurisdiction. Taking into account the absence of free time I got married only last year. My husband has grown in extended and happy family. That’s why he is very enthusiastic about having his own child. Maybe not the only one. But I am not sure that I share his desire. Therefore, we had a number of intense quarrels and finally found a compromise. Personally, I hardly find time for both work and pleasure trying to keep myself up. And pregnancy period makes serious problems for accomplishing all things I have to do. I mean dropping out of my business, daily schedule and my physical form would definitely suffer. So, there is a question. Our compromise lies in finding a surrogate mother. I heard it is booming nowadays. No doubts, it will cost a fortune, but it won’t stop us for sure. Can anyone give some recommendations concerning the issue? Destination doesn’t matter.

ApocalypseSlough Mon 11-Jul-16 13:21:28

Well there's an argument that surrogacy is akin to prostitution in it's use of women's bodies.
Your post supports that theory.
You don't sound ready to have a child by any means.

glasgowlass Mon 11-Jul-16 13:42:50

Don't mean to sound cuntish but if you don't have time for a pregnancy you definitely won't have time for a child.
Your physical form will suffer? FFS get a grip of yourself. Agree with Apocalypse you do not sound remotely mature enough to be a mother via surrogacy or not.

BoBo90 Mon 11-Jul-16 13:47:23

Op don't you actually want a baby? If you aren't willing to give up your time to be pregnant for 9 months are you sure your willing to give up the rest of your life to raise a child? I think maybe you need a bit more time to think everything through.

As a heads up: I totally get that we are all different and babies aren't for everyone but you might find a lot of negativity on a forum like this as it kind of sounds like you want to 'buy' a baby to keep your husband happy X

BoBo90 Mon 11-Jul-16 13:48:37

Should read: do you actually want a baby?

OddBoots Mon 11-Jul-16 13:50:19

You would have to do so outside of the UK as commercial surrogacy is not legal here. I would suggest posting on an American website rather than here.

HopperBusTicket Mon 11-Jul-16 13:54:15

I don't have personal experience of surrogacy but we do have a child using donor eggs. I know some people might not approve of that either.

I wonder from your post whether English is not your first language and the way you have expressed yourself comes across as flippant about a very serious step? Surrogacy would usually be the end of a long road of infertility or health problems that make carrying your own pregnancy dangerous or impossible. I think your post makes it sound as though it's just a lifestyle choice.

Pregnancy is not the most difficult and time consuming thing about being a mother. Not by a long shot. The hard bit is the many years of parenting that come afterwards. Worth it in my opinion but only if it's what you really want.

Also in the UK surrogacy is legally complicated too. The legal mother is the woman who gives birth (I know this especially as the mother to a baby conceived via egg donation).

Please think very carefully and you may find more specialist forums a better source of advice and experience.

Grassgreendashhabi Mon 11-Jul-16 13:54:30

You do realise that when you have a newborn baby you won't have time for business and looking good. For quite a time.

The first three months are hell including zero sleep. Your lucky to get a 5 min shower and would love to do hit and makeup.

Are you sure you have thought this through.

user1468226173 Mon 11-Jul-16 14:30:19

Message deleted by MNHQ. Here's a link to our Talk Guidelines.

PurpleDaisies Mon 11-Jul-16 14:33:57

If this is for real, op you need to take a long hard look at yourself in the mirror.

You don't want to be pregnant yourself because you can't take the time off work? You don't want to get fat so you'll exploit someone else's body?

Don't do this. You need to actually want to be a mother to have a child.

glasgowlass Mon 11-Jul-16 14:35:19

Message withdrawn as it quoted a deleted post.

Branleuse Mon 11-Jul-16 14:35:52

exploitation pure and simple

sleepyhead Mon 11-Jul-16 14:37:57

There's nothing wrong with your partner being the primary carer to any children that you have and for you to take the role traditionally assumed by the male, but a child does need a primary carer - the pregnancy bit is the easy bit.

Does your dh want to raise a child because it doesn't sound like you're all that up for it.

TealLove Mon 11-Jul-16 14:40:16

Op are you serious?

user1468243782 Mon 11-Jul-16 14:44:03

good evening everybody. having read all your discussions here i’m totally appalled. you see you can’t “buy a child” just because it will have an impact on your weight and body. all these aren’t worth worrying about. a lot of people have much more serious problems than just unwillingness to spend time on your OWN baby while carrying it!!! i want to help every couple in trouble on the example of my own experience.
5 years ago my husband and i realized we’re ready to become parents. that’s huge responsibility and we were going to become aware of all motherhood aspects and not to miss anything. but at that time something was wrong with me, i had abdominal pain and strange vaginal discharges. when we came for the examination for the first time doctors said all these weren’t serious. they prescribed me some light antiphlogistic. but in a while when there appeared purulent discharge i was terrified. i decided to consult another doctor and he found the uterine inflammatory process resulting in a number of adhesions formation. he said I got endometriosis (3 stage). the disease is totally curable with the help of cleansing when diagnosed in time. can you just imagine my disappointment when it was found out that all these could had been prevented if my doctors had made a diagnosis in time rather than forcing me bustling in and out. that’s heartbreaking. almost impossible to stand. absolutely absorbed in negative emotions and the absence of efforts to struggle i fell into depressive syndrome. it took me more than a year to recover but my physical problems remained the same. in 2013 we started searching for clinics offering surrogacy programs as that was the only possible way for our situation. we are from norway where we have no chances to have a surrogate as any kind of reproductive medicine is forbidden here. after the continuous researchers and sleepless nights on different forums we at last met with an appropriate clinic in ukraine which was ready to solve our problem. the important point is that surrogacy is completely legal here. initially we were scared that in-vitro children may have some health problems but doctors assured us there are no medical reasons even to think so. and we ventured upon a new step in our life using the services of surrogate mother.
it’s been a year since we are back and absolutely delighted with everything in our life. now we’ve got a real and happy family. and this is just the beginning.

Junosmum Mon 11-Jul-16 14:50:46

Message deleted by MNHQ. Here's a link to our Talk Guidelines.

Grassgreendashhabi Mon 11-Jul-16 14:51:19

Have done. I'm suspicious and don't want others to tell their own experience

PurpleDaisies Mon 11-Jul-16 14:52:41

No need to announce it juno. Just report anything suspicious.

glasgowlass Mon 11-Jul-16 15:03:47

This thread is indeed strange. Certainly a reason why I hate all the user (multiple number) names. I really do wish that MNHQ would ensure NPs have to change the given username/number to something else before they can post.

PurpleDaisies Mon 11-Jul-16 15:04:55

I totally agree glasgow.

glasgowlass Mon 11-Jul-16 15:40:48

It feels like the twilight zone at times Purple. I've always got the OP highlighted but finding I'm constantly having to check & recheck the numbers on subsequent user/number posters. It's a pity as the majority will be really nice folk but I honestly tend to just skip past those posts now because of a few GFs with previous. At least with a unique, non generic, username it's easier to remember who is on your shitlist.

user1468231797 Thu 14-Jul-16 08:18:25

Sure thing, everybody has his own outlook. As well as you, who suspect of nothing. But I joined the forum because I had concerns and needed advice. Blaming me does not sound like help, really. I see what you mean, guess I need more time to think over my pregnancy and the way of life

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