Is it possible to be too organised?

(17 Posts)
BusyNothings Mon 30-May-16 23:35:44

A little advice? We are starting TTC from tomorrow and as a ridiculously organised person I've spent weeks researching cycles, ovulation, ways to be healthier and ensure body is prepared. This is the way I deal with stuff, so that I feel prepared and able to cope - especially with something so huge and basically uncontrollable.

My husband and my family are all telling me to chill out. That I'm doing too much and shouldn't be thinking about this stuff yet. That i should just see what happens and have fun.

I understand stress and worry will only make it more difficult. But going into something, anything blind really stresses me out. For example when we go on holiday I plan it down to having a list of possible restaurants and snack places appropriate to the activities each day. I suppose you could call me a control freak lol but I just feel better, more relaxed when I have a plan or at least understand what I'm doing.

I don't necessarily mean I'm going to insist on doing OPK and HPK from tomorrow and only DTD on ovulation days etc etc but I feel better now that I understand how the basics work. Also all the women in my family get pregnant just by looking at a man and I'm worried that if I don't get pregnant quick I'll freak out. This way at least I can work through it logically and hopefully help me cope.

Is anyone else in the same boat? Am I being ridiculous?

CodyKing Mon 30-May-16 23:48:07

Yes!

Babies have their own agenda and you need to learn to let go - because otherwise you'll find parenting really hard with high expectations - (of yourself)

FuzzyOwl Mon 30-May-16 23:49:42

I disagree that stress and worry makes it more difficult. After a horrific mmc, I was determined to get pregnant and charted everything. It took two cycles as I didn't ovulate in the first one. When I wanted my second child, we took the relaxed route to begin with but then it started to get to me, so again it took two determined cycles. Just to add, I am in my late 30s. Good luck.

FoxgloveStar Tue 31-May-16 00:41:12

It sounds like you are investing time understanding your body and cycle. Seems sensible to me. Perhaps just don't overshare all the ins and outs with your family...

MmmMalbec Tue 31-May-16 06:18:17

I think it's fair enough. So many people just say relax blah blah, but if you're not that kind of person then that's absolutely rubbish 'advice'. Do whatever makes you feel better about the whole process. But bare in mind that it might take a long time and ultimately it's out of your control so you might have to reassess your strategy for coping with the highs and lows of TTC at some point. But that's the case for every approach.

Good luck smile

NapQueen Tue 31-May-16 06:22:11

Information is power. It helps to know as much about a situation as possible.

What I'd suggest is now you know, only allow yourself to do anything with that info after 6 months of just laid back ttc ing. Then you can do the whole charts and temperature etc.

BertieBotts Tue 31-May-16 07:11:42

No, I think it's fine as long as you aren't going to drive yourself mad with it. I like to research as well and I find it helpful. I think people assume it sucks the fun out of things because they don't like the idea of working out stats etc but that is fun for me.

You have to be sure you're not ma king sex clinical (at least not at this stage) but t doesn't sound to me like you are taking it that far anyway.

Good luck and happy trying!

DizzyNorthernBird Tue 31-May-16 07:27:44

Being proactive is a good thing. Awareness about your cycles and fertility symptoms is a powerful thing and can stop months of wasted effort. However I think you need to prepare yourself for the possibility it might not happen immediately....I thought it would happen straight away and 18 months later I'm still trying. TTC can be very stressful and I think you should also invest some time into keeping youself sane (although hopefully you won't need it!) whilst trying, seeng as in your words you'll 'freak out' if it doesn't happen straight away.

BusyNothings Tue 31-May-16 11:06:24

Thanks for all the replies they really helped. I'm not doing temps etc quite yet or even strictly following it. I just feel a bit better when I understand things and have an awareness of generally how it works. Plus I am very aware that it may all go to pot or just take a while to work and for me not having a clue to begin with would make that worse. This way when if that happens I feel better prepared to cope because then I will know at least how to monitor things.

This is also tied into the fact that I've had two contraceptive implants and for five years had no periods. Before that I was also never regular and had a lot of problems. So I thought by researching what it's supposed to be like at least if no luck in a few months time I know where to start.

My family is just my mum really lol like I said she blinked and got pregnant so she has no idea about any of this stuff. I suppose I just feel a bit self-conscious now, as though I'm making into a big thing when it was actually helping to calm me down.

BertieBotts Tue 31-May-16 16:10:52

Yes, I don't think I have mentioned temping to my mum, she wouldn't know what I was talking about. It was easy for her to get pregnant and things like miscarriage weren't really on her radar although of course she knew it was a problem, she assumed it wouldn't happen to her and it never did.

I think different people like different things and sometimes when you say ooh I've done all this research they feel like you're slating them for not doing it, or saying they should do it/have done it when you're not, you're just talking about what works for you.

FuzzyOwl Tue 31-May-16 16:37:00

For me, knowing when I ovulated was a massive help in conceiving. Apps etc all work on an average and often need you to provide information to them to be able to try to guess what will happen in your next cycle. It's all well and good if you are regular but if you aren't or you have long/short cycles and your LP is not 14 days, it is easy to believe what an app says and become upset about why you aren't getting pregnant. Whereas if you listen to your body and chart/use OPKs, you will get a much better understanding and will be able to predict your fertile days that much sooner. Saying that, I believe the general advice is to dtd every other day (possibly excluding AF) until you get your BFP - but I found this too tiring, it made it feel a bit like a chore after a while and it didn't work for me. OPKs and an app to record the information my body told me was what helped - don't forget to include the silly things like hormonal acne as I always get a chin spot on the side of ovulation a day or two beforehand and it is knowing things like this that can make a big difference.

Good luck.

Willberry Tue 31-May-16 23:12:49

I understand what you mean, I've spent the last 4 months or more reading everything I can get my hands on. Now in 2nd cycle but have found that feeling like I understand my body better this month is helping me to feel more in control and makes me feel like we are doing what we need to be doing to give us the best chance. Have found my cycles since stopping the pill very different from what they were like before.

DH feels the same as yours and keeps telling me to chill out. Not temping or opk at the moment, just closely watching the changes in my body eg cm. Get really strong ovulation pains so thats handy too.

Would avoid symptom spotting and googling symptoms though, drove myself crazy last month so not going to let myself do that again! Lol

Ellie06 Wed 01-Jun-16 07:36:49

Ha ha I am exactly like you in the control freak kind of way. My partner thought I approached it too scientifically but I really needed to know what was happening. The first month we just tried without any additional help and good old AF arrived as usual so the second month I did it all, temps and ovulation tests etc.
Firstly I wanted to make sure I was def ovulating cos didn't want to go through the stress of the two week wait if nothing could have happened and secondly I wanted to know exactly when I ovulated. Turned out the first month I was probably way out with my prediction of ovulation so we DTD on the wrong days. Second month I got two days with a lovely clear smile with clear blue and an associated temp dip and then rise. We DTD on the evening of the first smile and the morning of the second smile which is when I had the temp dip and I'm now 5+6 weeks. I've no idea if we would have ended up here if I hadn't done all the other bits along side but I just felt so much more in control when I knew what was happening.
At the end of the day I think you have to do what works for you. It does take over your life if you aren't careful but if you feel happier and less stressed doing it this way then I don't think that is a bad thing.

BusyNothings Wed 01-Jun-16 10:41:12

Thank you for your stories too. Really helped me =] I'm so happy for those it worked for. I've had my sticky implant out last night so as soon as the massive bruise has calmed down it'll be off we go!

I'm glad I'm not alone in being organised though I was starting to worry for a bit there!

isthatpoisontoo Wed 01-Jun-16 11:37:20

I think it's really odd that people equate gathering information with not being relaxed enough. No one tells you not look up how to get where you're going because not knowing (and getting lost!) is so much more relaxing. Having knowledge is useful. Not knowing what's going on is stressful in itself.

In preparation for TTC I spent a couple of months temping and stocked up on OPK sticks. As it happened, I got pregnant before we actually started trying (note: the rhythm method does not work), but I was much more relaxed knowing that I had what seemed like a fairly predictable cycle, and being able to make a plan, than I would have been otherwise. The way I see it, if you want to do something, you want it, you don't want a small, random chance of doing it! I don't see how not maximising your chances makes your disappointment less.

I do the list of places to eat on holiday, btw. When I've pursued serendipity, I've more often got tourist trap!

HoldTheDoorHodor Wed 01-Jun-16 11:43:42

I gathered info and bought opk's off the bat so I knew when I ovulated. I got pregnant pretty much straight away both times.

If having info helps you relax, which it does for a lot of people, just do it. Your only mistake is telling people about it. Everyone always has an opinion.

BusyNothings Wed 01-Jun-16 11:54:12

Poison that's a really clear way of putting it! I like it!

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