Anybody else ttc after previous premature baby?

[Signoritawhocansway]

Hi. Just wondering whether anybody in the same position as us.

DS1 born at 27+3 by emcs and a 10 week NICU stay. He's now 2.9 and we're finally trying again. Obviously we have had a hard time last time, and so have some hang-ups this time.

Would be good to hear from anyone in a similar situation.

[Chuckading]

Hi, we've finally decided to try for another. Ds was born at 31 wks and spent 33days in scbu. He's now just turned 4. I'm terrified of being pregnant and it all happening again or worse this time. I had pre-eclampsia and icp. But finally starting to be more excited about possibly having another baby (while quietly crapping myself!) and hopefully get further in the pregnancy this time!

[Signoritawhocansway]

Hi chuck

Oh, I'm glad I'm not the only one! It's taken us so long to decide whether to go for it again. What is ICP? We had no idea our DS was going to be so early - it all happened within a few hours, completely unexpectedly due to him being very poorly and stopping moving.

I'm frankly terrified. We were ttc in the New Year and then we had a little break, and now trying again. I've lost my Mum in the last few months, and my Dad is in a care home, so it's not been an easy few years.

[Chuckading]

I'm so sorry for your loss. It doesn't sound like you've had an easy few years. Fingers crossed this time round everything goes well and smoothly for your pregnancy. I have a friend who's son was born at 24wks because she went into labour and her second baby was born at full term, so hopefully it will be the same for you.
ICP is obstetric cholestasis - basically the liver function fails, releasing too much bile acid into your system, which can harm the baby. I've been told i will definitely get that again and high chance of pre-e again. so high risk pregnancy, consultant lead and on medication during pregnancy.
It's a strange feeling cos I'm terrified of being pregnant again, but also can't wait! i took a test the other day thinking i might be and was literally shaking i was so nervous. when it was negative i was relieved and upset!! I'm assuming its going to be a nervous/scary how ever many months we manage pregnancies!! :-/

[Signoritawhocansway]

Yes, I know the wanting to know/have a positive then it being nefative and relief cycle!

I don't think I'm awfully excited about pregnancy...just a well baby at the end of it!

[Chuckading]

No I think the pregnancy will be spent worrying and waiting, esp the 3rd trimester! The worst part for me was my DS being taken away before I even saw him and then not meeting him until the next day and having to wait to hold him. Dreading going through that again.

[Signoritawhocansway]

Yes, I agree. We missed so many 'normal' things and so many firsts.

[10storeylovesong]

Hi, my ds was born at 27+2 and is now 3 years 3 months. We've been ttc for 25 cycles now, with chemical pregnancies this year after 2 years of unexplained infertility. Strangely, the whole experience first time round didn't put me off at all even though my pregnancy was horrific from day 1 and obviously the 9 months in NICU followed by 3 operations were tough.

I've found it so difficult watching all the people who were pregnant at the same time as me the first time around who had healthy full time babies and gone on to have second children in the meantime.

[Signoritawhocansway]

Hi and welcome 10storeylovesong

What a difficult time - I can well understand how hard it must be for you to watch everybody getting pregnant. You've been trying for quite some time, and it looks like you had a much rougher ride through NICU with your DS too. Hugs (unmumsnetty ones!)

We've only been trying since the beginning of this year as we were waiting to get our DS signed off by the consultant before we tried, and then when he was signed off last summer my Mum got really sick and passed away at the end of October. No luck so far. Waiting to see what the end of this month brings!

[Tryingtowait]

Sorry to hear how tough you've had it lately, good luck in your current journey.

My ds was born at 31 weeks with iugr and redf, weighing 2lb 11oz with luckily an initial 5 weeks nicu stay. He returned to hospital several times during his 1st year of life, but touch wood he's generally healthy now at 3 1/2 years. We've been ttc since he turned 3 pretty much. Before that I had written off the idea of more as I had spent so long blaming myself for how he was born. Everyone who was pregnant when I was has had another now and everyone asks when I will or says you can't make your son an only child that's cruel!' Which really annoys me!! But now I would love another but I know I will be scared the whole pregnancy. But st last we would be closely monitored this time.

I totally agree about missing the 'normal' things. Also had a c section as well like you and the worst part for me is I didn't give birth naturally? I wish I had endured child birth I may change my mind if I ever do go through it but I kinda feel cheated that I didn't get that chsnce. And he got whisked away straight away soon as he was born.

[10storeylovesong]

I've just re-read my post and there was a huge typo... he was in NICU for 9 weeks, not 9 months. That was hard enough! He's now a happy and healthy 3 year with thankfully no lingering health issues (apart from the tendancy to catch colds easily but seeing as we were told at 5 weeks he would have oxygen for the rest of his life, before he came off it a week later, I'll take that!)

Sorry to hear about your mum Signorita. Good luck to both of you with ttc! As much as I hate the clichéd term, it's such an emotional journey.

I'm very grateful that I gave birth naturally, but dread the thought of ever doing it again as he only weighed 2 lb 3 oz and popped out in 7 minutes. The blood clot that caused the prem birth was bigger than he was! I totally know what you mean about them being whisked off without seeing them. Those first few hours when I didn't know whether he was alive or dead was the hardest thing I've ever had to go through.

[Tryingtowait]

Wow what a strong little boy 10storey going from being told a life on oxygen to not needing it! I remember when my son was being born they warned me he probably wouldn't cry as he wouldn't be able to breathe alone so not to be alarmed. Me and dh heard that cry (it was faint but there) and we cried. He only actually spent 48 hours on cpap. His main issues were feeding and temperature control. I spoke to chuck on another thread and was saying how amazing these little ones are, when you saw them that tiny to how far they've come now. They're so strong.

[10storeylovesong]

They are incredible!

[Signoritawhocansway]

Welcome, tryingtowait!

Yes - the whisking away is hard, isn't it? Our DS was born at 10pm and while we caught a quick glimpse in theatre, we then didn't hear anything until about 3 in the morning - I say 'we' - I mean I. They sent my DH home...!

I'm in my 2ww now. I get cold feet before we try, then I'm happy we've tried and then I get cold feet waiting to find out if it's a BFP or BFN. Makes me wonder whether I really want another sometimes. Especially after a day like today - I've felf so black moody!

[Tryingtowait]

Good luck to you. We all get moody days and doubts, prem baby or not. Brain can't think right now just done a 12 hour shift. Will comeback to this when I've slept

[Chuckading]

The whisking ds away before seeing him was definitely the worst part for me. He was born at 12pm and I didn't get to see him until 3am. I was awful to the poor midwife who was looking after me post c section. She was trying to explain nicely I wasn't to be moved as bp too high and I remember shouting at her that of course my fucking bp is high she won't let me meet my baby!! Poor woman was only trying to stop me from having a fit or stroke!!

Is anyone else calculating their potential due date by how early their first dc was born?! I've decided to miss this month ttc as it would work out I'd be 31wks (when ds was born) at Christmas and I don't want to be in hospital and ruin Christmas for my 4 year old ds!

[Signoritawhocansway]

Oh chuckading, hugs!

It's funny you should mention the potential due dates. We have been trying to avoid Christmas as we run a church retreat between Christmas and New Year, and as I'm usually catering for up to 50 people, plus doing lots of other stuff, we decided to give it a miss. If it works this month my actual due date should be around end January - so I'll be 36 weeks at our event. But if the same thing happens again...! I guess my one consolation is that what happened with DS is so rare and so freak that it shouldn't happen again - but I do worry about once a prem always a prem, and also I have freakout sessions about my scar - because having never got past 27 weeks I worry about it stretching further etc. And what happens if I don't try an VBAC - a planned section would be 38 weeks, I guess. And also I'm pretty sure I was IUGR - I weighed 3lb 12oz at full term. It's a complete head wreck!!!

[Tryingtowait]

Hey sorry I never replied so much going on atm with work so forgetful! I didn't prevent it but last cycle my due date would have been January 19th which was ds original due date and I had kind of a panic that it was a bad move and by having the same due date meant the same fate.

I was 'lucky' as I had ds at 3:22pm and saw him around 8pm. I cried all that night. Dp got sent home and I rang him crying I wanted us all to come home the whole 5 weeks I wanted ds home then when they said he was allowed home it brought a whole new level of petrified. He came home Dec 27th and I think they pushed it as we had just missed xmas and thought let him be home by new year?! He weighed 4lb 8oz when he came home and it was so scary. It's sad to remember the whole first few months but at the same time I look back now and think 'we made it' because I never thought we would. I don't know about your babies but mine is still small for his age but developmentally fine. He is 3 and a half years and in 18/24 month trousers bless him. But he's perfect to me :) sorry for the ramble I don't really talk about this in person as I don't think others really get it.

[Chuckading]

My ds is now 4 and finally seems to have caught up with everything. His speech was the last thing he had to catch up with, up until about 6months ago he still had limited speech and was difficult to understand, so we had lots of lovely tantrums!! He is a little smaller for his age, he's almost grown out of age 2-3 clothes and about to start wearing 3-4 yrs which will be a little too big! He didn't seem to grow much for about a year so wore the same clothes! I hadn't bought new clothes for him for almost a year!!
I think we will def try and avoid Christmas, it would be a shame to miss it for the sake of being an extra month pregnant! I'm not looking forward to being pregnant and having to avoid stress with a 4 year old!! also how to juggle another child and scbu/hospital?! But that's prob worrying about things I don't need to think about yet and may not even have to consider, but I'm a planner!

[Banana82]

Hi Everyone! We have recently started TTC number 2 after my 2 year old was born at 32 weeks. Totally unexpected early birth and a very tough time for me and my husband. He has continued heart problems and will need an operation at some point over the next year.

We have been told that a premature birth is highly likely second time round and I don't know if this makes it easier to prepare for as I know what I am facing.

My biggest worry is that I spent pretty much every waking hour in NICU with DS and with a toddler at home to look after I wouldn't be able to do that this time. I did all his tube feeds and nappy changes and washes etc. But would miss out this time round.

Lovely to hear all your stories!