DH keeps telling people we are TTC!

(21 Posts)
Willberry Mon 02-May-16 20:09:18

Hi,

DH is very excited about having a baby which is fab, the problem is he keeps telling everyone! We had initially planned to try for a honeymoon baby last year but put it off due to going a little over budget on the wedding grin Ever since before the wedding he has been telling family and friends we are planning to start a family since I stopped pill last month he has been telling work collugues and his Mum. I feel like my womb is on public display, had one of his distant uncles ask me when I was due at a family function the other day and hadn't even started TTC at that point! He's agreed not to tell anyone else after I explained how I'm feeling but had to visibly stop himself several times at his grandparents at the weekend.

I'm super excited too but feel its something private, not something I want to share with everyone, though I have discussed it with some friends at a similar life stage. I think what I'm uncofortable with is feeling all eyes are on me, feels like a lot of pressure!

Just venting really, has anyone else got over excited OHs?

donajimena Mon 02-May-16 20:13:43

If anyone tells me they are 'trying' unfortunately it conjures up images in my head that I would rather not see!
I think he needs to be more sensitive.
tell him no one wants to envisage us shagging (or is that just me? blush )
Secondly you DO get the 'any news' ? questions. Its no ones business.

Willberry Mon 02-May-16 20:54:11

Donajimena, me too, exactly why I wasn't happy, and won't be mentioning anything to my parents until I can announce the happy news! My family are much more conservative than his, my poor mother was mortified when he decided to discuss different types of contraception with her on one occasion in the past!

As for the 'any news' question I've got a work collegue who has been asking that whilst patting my belly ever since our wedding and giving me the gory details of her journey to conception, she's not even someone I work closely with!

I think the 'any news' questions have been exacerbated by him telling everyone including our young flower girls that we "are going to have a baby" never mind at least he's as excited as I am, just means I struggle to look his family in the eye with embaressment lol

donajimena Mon 02-May-16 21:20:33

You need to tell him 'a friend' told you she couldn't get 'the image' out of her head when someone mentioned they were trying!
Hopefully that would do it... or of course if you tell him it makes you uncomfortable then that should surely be enough?
He wouldn't want you to be uncomfortable

Willberry Mon 02-May-16 21:48:18

Have told him I feel uncomfortable and hes agreed not to tell anyone else but you can see him biting his tounge and changing sentances half way through to avoid mentioning it now so at least he is trying, just not sure he will be able to keep it up. He's just bursting to tell hes so excited bless him.

lem73 Mon 02-May-16 21:51:44

He discussed contraception with your mum? That's weird.

donajimena Mon 02-May-16 22:09:28

Bless him? confused he's trampling over your feelings!

Barefootcontessa84 Mon 02-May-16 22:53:40

It's really not that hard to not tell people you're having sex, as exciting as a baby might be hmm

ToomuchChocolatemeansBootcamp Mon 02-May-16 23:01:16

Yes he's excited but my god I'd be mortified at his blabbing! And what if you as a couple end up having fertility issues? I sincerely hope you don't, wouldn't wish that particular hell on anybody but saying you're "going to have a baby" as you quoted, to my mind is something you say once you are several weeks/months into a pregnancy not even before TTC!
He needs to zip the lip but looks like that horse may have already bolted.
Best of luck with TTC and I hope his enthusiasm continues into nappy changing in the sleep deprived wee small hours!

Iflyaway Mon 02-May-16 23:07:29

Where are you in all this....

You need to take your power back...

KittyWindbag Tue 03-May-16 04:29:14

My bloody husband has been doing this too! In his culture it's slightly more acceptable to ask people when they're going to have a baby and his parents have been pestering us about it for ages so I think he told them to get them off his back, but he's also told all his friends which I find a bit weird.

It's basically telling friends and family - 'we are having lots of sex bareback these days.' YUCK. It's so weird to me.

DorotheaHomeAlone Tue 03-May-16 06:06:23

You really need to nip this in the bud or it's going to add a lot of unnecessary pressure to your efforts to ttc and to your early pregnancy. I've had a very smooth fertility journey and get and stay pregnant easily. The more women I speak to the more I realise that this is often not the case. Even if you get pregnant quickly and it sticks, a huge audience of people constantly asking about it is going to make those first weeks massively stressful. If it doesn't pan out like that it could become very difficult and distressing being asked.

KingJoffreyLikesJaffaCakes Tue 03-May-16 06:12:00

I'd stop shagging him until he promised to keep our sex life private.

Seriously.

"No sex tonight, darling. You'll only be telling Jim and Mary at the paper shop all about it while they're trying to work."

Or do it to him. Stop random peeps in the street, point at your DH and tell them he's going to be fucking your brains out later.

See how he likes it.

1angrydwarf Tue 03-May-16 06:13:59

I find this hard to imagine as my husband wouldn't even tell anyone we were trying until after 12 week scan.

As well as being a bit cringy for the people he's announcing it too. Isn't that really disrespectful to you I he knows you want to keep it quiet?

I'd be inclined to be a bit more blunt about WHY you want to keep it quiet and this isn't ok with you, citing examples of friends (ie Mumsnetters and choose examples as harsh as you deem necessary to get him to understand) and all the reasons why conceiving/being pregnant can go wrong.

Heaven forbid you have any issues, but even all going well it may be months or more until you even conceive, so I think a reality check for him is in order, or its going to be a long 'journey' for you!

1angrydwarf Tue 03-May-16 06:15:25

Or what KingJoffrey said! That should work.

ProseccoPoppy Tue 03-May-16 06:16:33

Oh no! This would stress me out horribly! When we were TTC we didn't tell anyone because we were scared it (a) might take ages and didn't want the "any news?" stuff every damn month - MIL was occasionally asking sporadically anyway (b) might not happen at all as I have underlying health issues and if that happened we did not want to go through the heartbreak in "public" (c) felt it wasn't anyone else's business. I would have found your DH's approach very upsetting- not to mention a total turn off!

Eminado Tue 03-May-16 07:08:50

Sorry to put a downer but i really think you need to consider that TTC is not always straightforward.

It IS very exciting and I really hope all is well for you but honestly, save the excitement for the 2 of you.

Willberry Wed 04-May-16 23:02:58

Thanks guys,

He seems to have calmed down a bit since I explained how I'm feeling about it and not told anyone else. Glad it's not just me kittywindbag!

I'm more than aware that this might not be an easy journey I have friends that have had difficulties, gone through IVF and addoption. I've explained this to him but he doesn't get it and keeps telling me not to worry. He seems to think it will be easy for us, but then he's not seen the heartbreak my friends have been through in the same way I have. That is one of my concerns with the way hes been telling everyone. Come to think of it his brother has been talking about having a baby with his wife for about 4 years 😕 think it must run in the family!

SunnyDays1987 Thu 05-May-16 07:16:51

I think men are a bit more detached from the whole TTC experience. I can't see them talking about it with their mates like we would do. I also don't think they'll spend a lot of their time on conception websites like we do. So maybe the reality of it potentially being a more difficult process doesn't get to them quite in the same way? Also I think most men just presume they have super swimmers and that's all they can see! Good luck though, I hope he can start telling people the good news soon!

Willberry Thu 05-May-16 22:38:40

Think you could be right SunnyDays, we've just had a chat where I've explained why even when you're pregnant you don't tell everyone until 12 weeks, he was a bit stunned, think he thought once you were pregnant that was it plain sailing. To be honest think he thinks the whole thing will be plain sailing, lets hope hes right.

ToomuchChocolatemeansBootcamp Wed 11-May-16 09:30:26

Really? He didn't know that 1 in 4 early pregnancies will be lost to miscarriage? And that 1 in 7 couples have fertility issues? Time he read up a bit more on this topic if he's so gung Ho about it I think.

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