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When's the best time to get pregnant? Use our interactive ovulation calculator to work out when you're most fertile and most likely to conceive.

When's the best time to get pregnant? Use our interactive ovulation calculator to work out when you're most fertile and most likely to conceive.

Conception

When everyone's pregnant except you and you just want to cry

16 replies

knowinghowtobe · 17/04/2015 20:59

After a miscarriage last year which completely messed my head up, I've been trying again, on and off, with no luck. I probably need to stop trying for a bit because I'm not that well BUT I can't cope with the fact that everyone around me is getting pregnant. They mostly know about what happened to me and are really sensitive, but then I feel pitied, or they say 'at least you have your son', which is true but feels like no consolation.

I can't see or speak to pregnant friends. It's like a phobia. It's also getting to the stage where I avoid people who might be pregnant or planning to be, just in case. I've felt like this for over a year now and I really really want it to stop. Am I the only one?

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reni1 · 17/04/2015 21:17

You are not alone in this. I won't bore you with the details of how long and how hard I've been trying, but I feel your pain. Every AF is an absolute insult and I resent other people's fertility, which is a horrible thing to do. I too have a child and feel guilty to even think this way, since there are many who don't have even one. No advice other than it comes and goes. Good luck.

knowinghowtobe · 17/04/2015 21:33

Yes, periods are a low point every month. It's not that I'm not happy for my friends; I just can't handle the conversations about it, or those awful conversations where nobody talks about it as they're being sensitive. People can't actually win.
Sorry that you're in that place too. Though also good to know it's not just me.

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CharChar2015 · 18/04/2015 02:51

Hey you're not on your own. I'm so feeling like this too!
I have one DD (18 months) who is a beautiful blessing. And I had a miscarriage at 9.5 weeks in February :(

In my coffee morning group there are 6 of us... 1 doesn't sant anymore kids and the other 4 are at various differnet stages of pregnancy. And while I'm super pleased for them all it doesn't hurt I'm not in the club.

Then... This cycle I did my HPT and got BFN... The same day I got two texts of two seperate people (not even from the coffee group) and they both texted with scan photos and preg announcements! Again pleased for them but total salt in my wound :(

So just had to reply when I saw this thread title !!!

CharChar2015 · 18/04/2015 02:52

Sorry it it does hurt!

knowinghowtobe · 18/04/2015 08:35

That must be really hard when there's an actual group of you. Sorry about your miscarriage too and I think, for me, my feelings about not getting pregnant are made worse by knowing what was lost.

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Vap0 · 18/04/2015 08:49

I've been landed with this feeling today when a friend announced they were pregnant this morning. All of the others have been ok but I think it's the ones where "we weren't even trying" or "it just happened" that get to me. Sorry, no help from me other than to say I know how you feel. Good luck to all of us with BFP's in the future.

knowinghowtobe · 18/04/2015 21:36

Thanks. Hear you about the ease with which it happens for some!

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doomkittycleo · 19/04/2015 13:38

Just found out that a friend of a friend has gotten pregnant (unplanned and unwanted) for the second time. First of her children is 4 (she's single and he's the result of a one night stand), the father of this one had been dating her for 3-4 months uses drugs and took her for a mug (moved in to her flat rent free and didn't offer to help around the house, even took hers and the child's clothes out of the washing machine and put them on the floor to do his ow, then hot-footed it when she found out.
A decent guy asked her out and she made fun of him behind his back.
Now she's considering an abortion.

My partner and I on the other hand are on our 4th month of trying using opk's monitoring cm and charting, and dealing with the devastation of getting a period every month.

Even having to pick myself up from crying constantly due to how desperate I am for a family, in order to get my partner in the mood to try again each month.

Ain't life a bitch :-(

KatyN · 19/04/2015 19:31

I found out ANOTHER friend is pregnant today, I cried in the park. Feel slightly ashamed and also convinced it means I am premenstral.

Arses.

AndMiffyWentToSleep · 19/04/2015 19:37

I hear you. How is it that everyone else is pregnant??
I just realised today that I was rearranging my plans based on the assumption that I won't want to see people on particular dates since that will be when AF is due and I'll therefore be too upset about not being pregnant, again.

doomkittycleo · 19/04/2015 20:36

Miffy, I do the same. Last month when I came on I cried for 3 day, actually it was more like a week. My partner ended up getting fed up of me for being so miserable about it too which has really interfered with bding this month.

Beansprout30 · 19/04/2015 21:09

Hi there, feeling the same. Af came 3 days at 5am this morning. Ive spent most of the day breaking into tears. My best friend announced her 2nd pregnancy a few weeks ago and whilst im pleased for her, I just cant face seeing her.

I don't know about you girls but im really struggling keeping this between dh and I, does anyone know you are ttc? I really want to tell my mum but I feel almost embarrassed to tell her how im feeling

doomkittycleo · 20/04/2015 07:07

I've told quite a few people, wish I hadn't now cos every time I say I'm tired or something everyone keeps asking 'do you think you could be...?" driving me nuts.

knowinghowtobe · 20/04/2015 07:52

Nobody really knows, but a few probably guess. I wish I could handle seeing people.

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CharChar2015 · 22/04/2015 03:28

AF got me yesterday so a new cycle for me! But I've decide to be positive about it all. It's hard to think that way sometimes when everyone around you is pregnant but I've decided it's not helping me being miserable. So when I think logically I just think that other people being pregnant is their business and their storey. I just need to focus on my storey. And I know it will happen when the time is right. I like to think of a soul waiting to come down and me our baby. I have to wait for the right time for the right soul to join our family. When he/she is here I'll be glad I waited for that one! I hope that makes sense. That thought gets me through so thought I'd share with you guys :)

mnistooaddictive · 22/04/2015 04:42

I've been there and it hurts. I remember when lots of people who all started trying at the same time as me announced their second pregnancies and I still hadn't had my first. I had had 4 mc though. I came closer to a breakdown than I want to admit! It killed me and for a week I did nothing but cry. I cried in my 4 bedroom house that we had bought to fill with children, I cried when I went out and saw people with small children or pregnant. It was one of the worst times of my life. The only thing I can say is that 9 years later I have 2 wonderful daughters and my family is complete. Be kind to yourself. Celebrate all the good things in your life.

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