TTC / IVF Update- Pussycatmommas sister.......

[pussycatmomma]

Hi there, this is really just a message for the ladies who know me on the ttc boards, only I havent been on for ages and didnt really want to clog up the positive threads.
Sadly my sister didnt fall pregnant with her most recent ivf cycle. Another bfn Im afraid, although this time she even got af a few days early, before she was even due to test. It is heartbreaking seeing her go through all this. Doing my very best to stay positive for any further treatment she may have but also be supportive for her right now.
Just makes you jolly well appreciate everything we do have in life, and to remind ourselves that new life, conception and having children is not a God given right, and no matter what we are willing to go through that we still cant "make" it happen. We are all feeling sad and extremly frustrated. This is her 4th try. Every step of the way was successful eg lots of follicles, loads of eggs, all but 1 fertilized, beautiful embryos all the highest grade, 2 embies transferred.........2 week wait, then nothing.
An early af and bfn
I keep thinking God isnt answering our prayers, but then get cross with myself. I keep telling her the only thing she can do is "keep on keeping on" because whats the alternative? To get to the outcome she wants so badly, to hold her baby in her arms, she has to get over these gut-wrenching hurdles and keep trying....
one day it will work for her. It will.
She is doing the best she can just now. I think her and her hubby are going to have a holiday, and give her body (and mind) a rest for a while.
Thanks to all my friends on the ttc boards who have offered so much support both to me (sorry for rambling) and indirectly to my sister. I know we both value the concept of karma and recieving back what you put out in the world, so thankyou for for the good vibes and I hope I can return the support and kindness to others some day.
(((((((((((((hugs and love to all ))))))) pusscat x

[Natty1806]

big hugs to you and your sister.



Not sure what to say as i have no word of advice but couldn't not post and say how i can only imagine what it is like and must be hell on earth.

Really hope your sister is okay and has a nice holiday to take her mind off things.

x

[BeckiF]

Such heartache but it's worth carrying on. I met a wonderful couple at a party last week who had tried NINE cycles before getting success on the 9th. I'm in my first cycle which isn't going all that well (small follicles) and I'm trying hard to stay focussed on this FIRST attempt. All we can do is keep our chins up and our eye on the goal and keep putting one foot in front of the other. Hard, but hopefully worth it.

[coggy]

for your sister and you Pussycat....thanks for letting us know.
I hope you are coping with things okay.
X

BeckiF...hope everything goes smoothly for you.
X

[Scoobydooooo]

I am so sorry your sister is having a difficult time, big hugs to you & your family xx

I would like to share a story with you, my couson tried to fall pregnant she tried for 2 years naturally & nothing, herself & her husband then decided to try the IVF, she had 4 attempts at it & nothing evertime she was just getting a BFN this all went on for over a course of 5 years, she has always longed for kids & her own mother had 5 with no problems, she just kept thinking she was never ever going to get to hold the most precious thing that she wanted in her life, her baby.

They then decided to give up on the IVF & decided that if it happened it happened, she said she could not go through the heart ache & the rollercoater ride she felt she was on everytime she was waiting for those results.

They carried on bd not even thinking about it, they had a break & then 3 months later, she fell pg naturally, they were stunned, she is now 5 months pregnant & is due in decemeber.

Please tell your sister not to give up, these things do & can happen & i wish her all the best along the way xx

[peachygirl]

pussycat I am so sorry to hear this. we all had out fingers crossed

[Coriander73]

So sorry Pussycat....

xx

[laughalot]

Pussycat you made me cry , it is so awful when you desperatly want a baby and alot of us do not realise how lucky we are, all I can say is to the both of you never give up trying the holiday is a great idea and being relaxed may be just what your sis needs. Good luck and remember to pop in and see me one day at work xxxxxxxxx

[MrsMcJnr]

Pussycat, so sorry to hear that. Really hope you both get some good luck very soon and as Scoobydoo says, miracles can happen when you least expect them. I have friends who have been through cycle upon cycle of IVF, taken a break and then fallen naturally too. Thinking of you both. x

[suejonez]

If it helps at all CAt me and I will email her. I can assure your that there is life after IVF - even failed IVF. After three failed IVF and many years of other fertility treatment I made the decision to stop and pursue adoption instead.

Continuing to try IVF is no guarantee of success and there is only so long you can do it - financially, emotional and medically. I took the decision that as the success rates fall so much ater three attempts that 3 was it for me. I decided that in advance and stuck to it and whilst it was hard to stop trying at the time, I don't regret the decision at all. Please don't encourage her to beleive that if she just keeps trying forever that it will happen for her because medically thats just not the case - it never works for some people and I beleive that the longer you try the smaller your chances become. That isn;t to say that it won;t work for her, but one of the things which really wound me up during my treatment was the assumption (by almost everyone) was that EVENTUALLY it would work. And they would quote every person they knew who got pregnant by IVF. No-one knows the "failures" because we don't talk about it, its too painful but it gives people the impression that its just a matter of time. But it isnt always.

In my case, 2.5 years on, instead of still having the trauma of IVF (and it was a trauma every time for me with differnt medical problems, haemorrages, OHSS etc, though also like your sister good healthy high grade eggs which fertilised and divided everytime) I'm now on the verge of adopting a child of about 1yr old.

My sadness at not being able to bear a child is still there, my impending adoption has not "cured" that. But I decided that a family was important to me not a pregnancy.

I found the adoption process very healing - I met some wonderful people who were in the same boat as me, I felt less wierd and less of a failure and learnt to be positive about the future again.

Now the whole desparation of the IVF process seems a distant memory and I am excited and happy about what the future will bring. Whatever challenges my child brings with them, they will need me every bit (and possibly more) than any child I could have given birth to.

I wish her all the best but can only say again that I'd be happy to talk to her if it helps. I'm not really as miserable as I sound

[expatinscotland]

'No-one knows the "failures" because we don't talk about it, its too painful but it gives people the impression that its just a matter of time. But it isnt always. '

Excellent post, sue.

Yes, sometimes it doesn't work. Anthea Turner had multiple courses of IVF and never did bear a child.

She, too, moved on.

Hope you sister finds some peace.

[pussycatmomma]

Thankyou to all who have responded to my original post. Suejonez, you are right of course, there is no guarantee that it will ever work, and reaching that point of realization will come to everyone at different stages i guess. I wish you the very best of luck and happiness with your future family, I admire the way you made a decision and stuck to it, no matter how hard.
Thankyou to my friends from the ttc threads, and lotta, i will pop in and see you soon i promise.
Coriander, bet you havent got long at all to go now, you were our first from the Jan thread, thinking of you, and hope the birth goes well. Please post where i might see you or email me ([email protected]) to let me know when your little one arrives.
To the other ladies, again, thankyou for posting and sharing your stories. Inspiring as it is, unfortunately my sister wont be one of the lucky ones to fall pregnant naturally as she has had surgery and is without fallopian tubes. I think that IVF is pretty much her only option.
Like BeckieF said, it is hard to keep putting one foot in front of the other, but it really IS the only option. Good luck Becky, first time or not, you may well be having good news to celebrate yourself soon. Good luck hun.
thanks to everyone for posting.
(((((((hugs))))))))puss cat x x x

[wannaBe1974]

oh pussycat (((hugs))) I only just saw this post, so you've prob seen my email now asking how things went. Am so sorry to hear that things aren't going according to plan with your sister.

I do agree with Sue's post, sadly for some, it doesn't happen. I do believe that there has to come a time when people feel they hae to give up, for financial and emotional reasons, and only your sister will know when that time comes for her. I truely believe though that the one positive thing that people can take from these experiences is that at least now people have the option to try. 20 years ago, no tubes would mean no baby, at least now medicine has moved forward and people are given the chance to try and experience parenthood where before they would never have had the chance.

good luck to both of you xx

[suejonez]

sorry to hijack but...

Hurrah!

[wuzzlefraggle]

pussycat (((hugs))) im so sorry to hear about your sisters bfn...please be sure to let her know that she has the thoughts and warmest of wishes from all the ladies here. her time will come pussycat xoxox